Help: My future at risk..

[ThePharmacist25]

What is this? I don't even chase the 'nod' or 'high' really much, I love the feeling of a patch bucally, or insuffulation with a tasty blue, or real OC. I am petrified of going through withdrawals, even though I have been through it completely several times. I really need insight on how to quit. I understand that one has to absolutely WANT it rather than NEED it, well that'd make it easier; my future is at stake.

My brief history:
I hated people that did drugs. Critiqued them, condescending remarks, etc. Especially when I had this one GF that had an EX that (low and behold she ended up cheating on me with) I HATED DRUGS. ABSOLUTELY. Then Sophmore year of college (when I was 23, I was 22 when I returned) I had a herniated disc from powerlifting and needed minor surgery. Only got T3s for that, but then I went to a doctor near my college and I had no idea he was notorious for Oxy Rx's. Within a few months I was up to 120 15mg tablets and 90 5mg Valium tablets. I figured via script that it was okay to take them (as before when I would talk down to people taking them w/o a Rx). And ever since my life has been in shambles. Five years now! I did finish three Bachelor of Science degrees and a year of Pharmacy school, but the past 18 months have been hell. I had to take a medical leave of absence, I got a DUI which isn't taken care of and you know what happens when you miss a court date and not pay your fines...

I was such an idyllic student/athlete/son/brother/grandson/nephew, et cetera..

What does one do to get over this. Right now I am unemployed (well because I don't have a care to get to my job that I still have, when I get back on my feet), no money, I owe fines and this and that.. It's so discouraging..

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I hope no one has to go through this.. I wouldn't wish it upon my enemies..

Thank you for your time in reading this, and if you decide to reply..

Sincerely,
Despairingly yours..

 

[amapola]

I'm going to swing this over to The Dark Side for you ThePharmacist25.

First of all you are definitely not alone and there are tons of people who have been in your exact same situation before and gotten back to a "regular" life and now appreciate it more than ever before. There are also just as many people who are immeasurably worse off than you and they would each give anything to go back to where you are now and start making the correct decisions.

One of the things that I've noticed reading about people who have had the opportunities to succeed and feel like they may somewhat messed them up, is that they are used to being envied by others and put a lot of their self worth in what others think of them. Remember that it is your life and all that should matter to you is if you are happy with it. It might take a little time to get to where you are completely contented, but you shouldn't let others limit the strides you do make and happiness you feel until you get there. If you have a good day don't let thoughts about what could have been and could be get you down.

I'm really not the best one to be talking to though and will move this for you now. Keep your head up.

Support >>> TDS

 

[captainballs]

man, i hear you on the discouragement. I have the same regrets at age 27, and objectively it's probably all because of opiate addiction either clouding my judgment or causing me to feel superior to my circumstances when such feelings were unwarranted. I've turned down positions that were offered to me at age 22 which would have me sitting on a fucking pile of money right now, and instead I am figuring out how to dodge creditors because of all the years I was on auto-pilot, in a world where the future would take care of itself because of my natural competence and inherent blessed genius.

You can't control the past circumstances which landed you here. This is what it feels like to fall from grace - it is full of proletariat nonsense such as fines and fees, which, if you are like me, seem more like an insult than an obligation. The hard part for me (and you, undoubtedly), is quieting your mind of the regrets long enough to realize that the only rational course of action is to start climbing and stop digging. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I truly understand what it means to be a fallen star.

Start by paying your court fees. It is like mowing the grass. Be glad you are not me - I have everything but court fees so far. Lawyers send their interns out to serve me papers and harass family members in person. I make it a habit to never be where I'm supposed to be, living in apartments on other people's credit, driving cars that are in other people's names. I've been living like this for three years and it has made me visibly older and more dilapidated. I am stuck between having to dig a little deeper and climb a little higher at the same time. Your problems, if i may outline them, consist of a DUI, probably also a warrant, and quitting pills. Now's not the time to quit pills lol, but to double back and kick that DUI in the ass as hard as you can. Stay out of the criminal justice system. I've been arrested, too, and it's harrowing, but you have to get scrappy and dirty. Find out where the prosecution process bottlenecks on your case and trick a lawyer into exploiting it by arguing a fact that lands right in that sweet spot. After that wastes time but seems to produce no result, do it again. And again. There is no magic argument that your lawyer can say to make them give up. You have to orchestrate the whole process and be a pain in the ass. Win that battle and you'll feel good again.