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Help me........

Britgirl1978

Greenlighter
Joined
May 11, 2014
Messages
9
Location
London
I'm an absolute mess and have drunk tonight 2 bottles of wine and lots of vodka and done a gram of coke. I then threw a kitchen roll holder at my step daughters heAd. I am mortified, her dad is covered in scratches but I bearly remember it. I've just had 3k spent on me on 4 days away abroad, I deserve nothing and my husband has asked me to leave tomorrow. My parents and sisters disowened me as my partner wasn't 'they're sort of person' I.e he's got a good job and consequence of this is somehow they have made my daughters dad believe I am being abused!!!! It's me that is the abuser not the victim. I haven't seen my daughter for 18 months and the hurt is devastating - so much now I've destroyed everything and have nothing now
 
Aaaww Brit, my heart truly goes out to ya <3
I can't even imagine what it'd be like for someone to prevent me from seeing my son. We've only known each other for about a year & a half, but already I feel like without him in my life, I just wouldn't & couldn't be myself anymore. I feel soo sorry that you have to endure such a horrible thing like that.
Now having said that, I can also relate to having your family "not approve" of whoever your choice of partners is. That was the one & only reason why my sons mother & I never married. She had a felony record (& my family has MANY Leo's & *knew* all about her). It broke my heart then, & even now brings tears to my eyes when I think how we parted ways, not even knowing that she was pregnant with our son. Though I try not to, sometimes I can't help but blame my family for "not approving" of her.
The one thing I can think of to say is to never EVER give up on Hope & Love. It's stronger then ANY drug, chemical or substance that we could ever dump into our bodies. It's high is the most potent, most pleasurable feeling in the world, & without it, it drives more people to suicide then any drug has ever been able to do. If a person is truly sincere in wanting to be a part of their child's life, yes it's kinda a long drawn out process - BUT, it's STILL soo very possible to still be reunited with them. My sister-in-law works with our state in reuniting families that have gone through things like substance/spousal abuse & much worse. As she always says:
It really only takes one thing... DESIRE ;) & everything else can be learned/worked on along the way ~ LoL :)
I know the whole lawyer/attorney thing can get really scary, but in the end, as long as you've been careful to find a decent & knowledgable attorney, it usually turns out for the better - even if it means having to jump through a few hoops to get there. I had a crazy tuff time to officially become my sons guardian after his mother passed away. From his mothers family to her (at the time) boyfriend.. I constantly felt like it was me against the whole world. Even now I STILL have to deal with the state ~ LoL. But what can I say, as a single father, the deck is ALWAYS gonna be stacked against me :/
Just don't give up. Keep moving forward & towards becoming reunited with your daughter. Even the smallest lil' baby steps will eventually lead you to the results you're looking for ;) - & btw, just because you may have &/or had a setback or two, DOES NOT mean you can't be a good mother. Like I said.. Baby steps ;)
Sooner or later, those that need to see what you can accomplish - will see it. This all takes time though. & for me that was the hardest thing to endure. Waiting, trying, & then repeating over & over til the right person sees the right things. Sounds crazy, but for our children - what WON'T we do? Hehehe :)
Well, I do sincerely hope you can find some comfort & solace during these no doubt Unbearable times. & remember, no matter how alone you may feel.... There's always someone who will be willing to hear you, help you & understand you. Ya just have to know where to look ;)
My sincerest wishes of peace & comfort during these such trying times for you...
~ N3f ✌:) <3
 
Thank you so much for your reply, in the cold light of day I now realise the implications of last night and my behaviour. In fact my husband is covered in scratches. Why did I do it? I'm going to get some help next week to understand all of this, my daughter doesn't want to see me as everyone has brainwashed her which means going to a solicitor is pointless, I tried by I'd get nowhere. Life is hard and I need to grow up - what happened to your sons mum if I can ask. Xx
 
Try sitting everyone down admit you have a problem and seek help. If your family see you acting on solving your problem you might get a little sympathy and in time forgiveness. Drink and drugs can change people and if your family see tou wanting to get sober and actually getting sober can repair any damage you might have caused. Dpnt exspect this to happen over night though.
 
She passed away from complications due to advanced stage 4 breast cancer. Been a little over a year now since then, but it's still really tough for my son (& I) to get past this. It's been a crazy & very hard year, but through it all I think we've become even closer because of it. I owe my son my entire life. Without him, I'd have never made the changes in my life that I'm so enjoying now. We're even trying to adopt his half sister (she's only 8, but she's having a very hard time adjusting to life with her father & I know she reeaally misses her big brother) so that's our next step. Hehe.. Of course though, like I said earlier, "baby steps" ;) ~ LoL
Peace, Love & Aloha...
~ N3f ✌:)
 
I truly sorry for you loss. I hope things brighten up for you in the future hang in there
 
Sorry to hear about your problems I agree with captain heroin its best to talk to a counsler/therapist (and of course whatever your comfortable sharing with us;))

Like they say in AA keep coming back!
 
Thank you everyone I am feeling a lot more positive today, yesterday was crap and I was feeling very weird about my behaviour. I am definitely going to get help and kick the bad habits of drink and drugs for good, it's just not worth it xx
 
Hi and welcome to Bluelight :)
hope things get better for ya.

She passed away from complications due to advanced stage 4 breast cancer. Been a little over a year now since then, but it's still really tough for my son (& I) to get past this. It's been a crazy & very hard year, but through it all I think we've become even closer because of it. I owe my son my entire life. Without him, I'd have never made the changes in my life that I'm so enjoying now. We're even trying to adopt his half sister (she's only 8, but she's having a very hard time adjusting to life with her father & I know she reeaally misses her big brother) so that's our next step. Hehe.. Of course though, like I said earlier, "baby steps" ;) ~ LoL
Peace, Love & Aloha...
~ N3f ✌:)

ahh dude I'm so sorry for that.. I really mean it
havea great deay man :)
 
Thanks you guys - im actually really good :o) !!! Captain - been to LA, know what you mean about the heat but its soooo humid in the UK today x
 
Hey there,

I don't know what to say to you to make things better.

However, I am willing to listen or chat to you either on here or by PM anytime. Hang in there ok ..
You can change things around, though it doesn't seem that way at the moment .

You've come to the right place in joining Bluelight. You've received lots of comments so far from amazing, helpful, support people who do their best to help and welcome newbies every day.

You may be interested in the following links;

- Other Drugs (OD)
- The Dark Side
- Sober Living
- Mental Health

Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best. Please know that, despite everything, you are NOT a bad persona and can get through this.
Evey xxxx

EDIT; Oh N3F I'm so deeply very sorry for your loss. I truly am. You're more than welcome to PM me anytime you need to chat. I admit, I won't know the words to say to you - but I'll listen, anytime ok. You're a newbie here and I'm so glad you found Bluelight. You've gone through so much yet you spend time helping others. You're an inspiration. *Hugs,*

Thinking of you
Evey xxxx
 
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