Help me get over being so antisocial

[DooMMooD]

You sound identical to me. I am a decently looking guy (so i've been told) but always had low self esteem and thus never put myself out there. Haven't had a ton of girlfriends, not the Charlie Sheen kind of guy ya know? And I never will be but I am no longer as shy as I once was by any means..

Honestly the key is to just do the opposite of what you normally do, that is instead of not putting yourself out there, just do it. Really no trick or key to it mate. I guess the only thing that could be considered a 'trick' was that I had to learn: so what if people judge and reject me? theres 6 billion people on the planet and 400 million in america alone. If you fuck up theres always tomorrow and the next person.

Your post really struck a chord with me because it basically describes how I was and how I still can be. But I actively try to not be that way every day and that really is the only solution. Neither of us will ever be, as I said, Charlie Sheen kinda guys (i just use this as a random reference point), but we dont' have to be lonely either. And just be comfortable in the fact that you'll find people that do not mind that you're that way and things will work out. That faith, that things will pan out for you, will in turn boost your confidence and esteem.

You're not alone. Yes the things I"ve written are 'easier said than done' but its really that simple man, it really is. The only trick outgoing people have is to...be outgoing. Thats it.

 

[Anomaly88]

Thanks Doom... i know i need to do that. Im just full of fear its hard for me to build up the courage to do that... but i think over time i will get better with it. Just need to try harder.. sometimes ill try and it doesnt work out the way i want it to so i just give up.. guess i just need to keep trying.

 

[cire113]

Hey bluelight. I figured this is prolly the best place to post this. Hopefully i'm not breaking any rules here. Well the dark side always helps me with my problems and i figured you can maybe give me some advice on this...
Anyways, its starting to bug me. I hate it. No matter how hard I want to be more confident have better self esteem (cause i think im a fairly decent looking guy...) i just cant get up the courage to just go up and talk to people. I never really have been able to, ever since i could remember. Im so afraid of what other people may think or the fact of being rejected. So ive grown used to just being alone and sticking to myself. Wont ever get hurt if i dont put myself out there. Well... Life is passing me on and i regret it. I wish it would come easy for me but it doesnt.. Since working my stepwork i now realize why i am this way. But how am i supposed to change it? After doing the same thing for so many years its not just gunna fix itself in one day. Im a funny, loud, talkative person and pretty crazy around my close friends. But when it comes to people who i dont know very well or havent met i am really shy and i am like that until i get too know you. The reason i have such low self esteem and confidence is because of my childhood. (not trying to blame anyone) dont wanna play the blame game because it is ultimately up to me. But it is beacause of my childhood and how much physcial/emotional abuse i had been put through. I didnt mind the physical abuse as much as the emotional abuse. I can take a beating, have all my life. But fuck man.. being called so many names and hearing how worthless you are and how your never gunna amount to nothing and that your dirt and how he wishes i was never his son. Idk man... it just fucks with you.. after all i love him and kinda look up to him as a role model even though i dont want to be as miserable and hateful as he is because i have lived that life and i hate being filled with anger. But how smart he is and how sucessful hes been. I strive for that. Even though i know it wont bring me happiness i know it can help. Im a very materialistic person. Thats Prolly not good. But i am... Anyways not trying to get off topic. Back to me. After hearing all that your whole life, you just start to believe it... and its just so hard to meet people and keep a conversation going. I guess im kind of socially awkward. Its the reason why i have never really had a girlfriend and am still a virgin.. I used to take drugs to make me social and make me not afraid but that wasnt me. That was all fake... and i think with all the drug abuse it just dug and dug a bigger hole for me being so god damn anti social. I dont really know what to do anymore. I hate it. I cant stand it.. I dont know what I can do about it. I know what your thinking. Why just not try and talk to people? But its fucking soooooooooo hard. Its like im trapped... i just cant muster up the courage to do it. Im so full of fear.... and now after being almost 7 months clean im starting to realize that i dont want this for me anymore. When i was on drugs i didnt care. But now its like fuckkkk dude why i am doing this to myself. These are supposed to be the best years of my life and im just wasting them... Im sorry for the long read but man it really eats at me.

First off i can totally relate to you 1000% completely know how u feel

Listen man don't be so hard on yourself.. get a good therapist.. and this is what you need to do BABY STEPS..

If all you do is leave your house once every day and go to the store.. DO THAT..

Then after a few weeks of doing that Say hi to a random person once a day... Just say Hi.. Don't make conversation or anything .. Just hi and thats it..

Then take SLOW baby steps .. Do one thing at a time.. Seriously forget about having a conversation with someone if that seems out of the question just say Hi first...

Hope this helps.. other posts here have sure helped me thanks guys!

You must force yourself to do the things in life that make you uncomfortable or else you will never grow past your fears

fuck now i need to do what i just told you... lol