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Help: I have to face my past tomorrow!

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,069
Location
Portland, OR
Hi. I am in need of some support. Tomorrow I plan to meet someone that is from my drug-using past. He doesn't use, but he owes me money from something I did illegally in May.

In short, I was using so heavily at the time that I met this person that I have been experiencing PTSD symptoms surrounding my actions in April/May. I don't remember a lot of what we did that night, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Next month I have an appointment with a good psychologist, and I hope to make progress in therapy there. FWIW I have been clean since July 7. I'm new to understanding PTSD. I just figured out that this is why I'm having these flashbacks all day, every day.

How can I ensure this meeting is as uneventful and trigger-free as possible?

- Keep it short
- Dress conservatively
- Minimal/No eye contact

Your thoughts/experiences please
 
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i dont completely understand, are you just meeting them to get the money they owe you? if so that should be pretty simple, get your money then leave, no chit chat afterwards.
 
Agreed. Get your money and say you have to get somewhere immediately (make something up.) Sounds easy unless you are leaving out major details.
 
hey mami, FWIW... eye contact is a tricky thing. If you can feign pride, confidence and power than I would suggest making eye contact with this person.

Lack of eye contact can indicate (often falsely) that a person is either being submissive, being shady, showing weakness, or displaying doubt. Predatory males will sense this immediately

If you absolutely must meet this person than I agree with what others have said, get in and get out. Shit, it may be best to just chalk it up as a loss and move on. Returning to those feelings, experiencing some sort of new feelings (depending on how he acts and what he says) and introducing the possibility of unnecessary emotional pain just doesn't seem worth it.

If you do proceed, can you bring someone with you (preferably a male) who can be right there with you or who can hang close by with a watchful eye?
 
In situations like that I tend to try and detach myself, and break the situation down to it's simplest terms. It's just 2 people meeting and cash changing hands. Hell, it's the same thing that happens if you go buy a pack of cigarettes. So it should only be as hard, right?

I know it's not as simple as that, but it's something that's helped me in the past, so I just thought I'd mention it. :)
 
Thanks. I'll be going alone, public park.

It feels shady. My current SO is working so, that's what time I plan to go.
He's driving on a MOTORCYCLE from 50 min away. (A family friend died last week.. on a motorcycle.)

He's still going to owe me after this too! I should ask if he can just mail it via money order. Wish I didn't need it.
 
^ Alone, in a park? It sounds really dodgy & if it's not the total amount of cash he owes you, why not just wait until he has all your money, then meet him somewhere less dodgy and with another person?
 
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