HELP , i have a crazy person in my life

[jake99]

I have issues , depression , anxiety , addiction etc, but i recently met a girl who makes my issues look like nothing . She is SERIOUSLY mentally ill, and an alcoholic on top of it , as well as drug use............She tells me she has Bi polar, schizo affective disorder, post partum depression , ADD, Borderline personality disorder, and every other disorder i can even think of................She also is anorexic and Bulemic........and cuts herself a lot bad..................She met me and in a week fell in love with me and now she has me so scared because every time i tell her i cant see her or i say i dont love her , she does crazy stuff. She jumped in front of a car couple weeks ago because of her last boyfriend leaving her.............Today she cut herself up bad because she was so upset that i couldnt see her because i had to work................She has had a very hard life , lives with an abusive babys dad who she hates, has had her son taken away by DYFS, and she has to go to a group program every day or she will lose the son for good...........I feel so bad for her and want to help her but it affecting my life in a bad way. No matter what i try to do to help her she still FLIPS out bad over a lot of very little things. I am scared . Today she was in car with me and because i told her i care about her but am not in love with her she grabs the steering wheel while im driving and almost gets us in an accident. She always is saying how no one cares about her , her parents wont even talk to her , she has been in and out of mental hospitals for years now , is on many meds and drinks Whiskey ALL day long..................its very scary. I am scared if i tell her i cant be around her or dont love her that she really will try to hurt herself...............i dont know what to do . any advice ? She gets really angry and tells me how much she hates me , then later on calls me crying saying she wants to die and im the only reason she has to live

 

[Bojangles69]

This is why drug addicts shouldn't date. And I don't give advice I don't take myself.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Jake you likely have some strong feelings this won't work out. If you are going to go on with this and want to be helpful to her and yourself you might check into places where there are groups that educate and offer mutual support about mental health issues. NAMI would be a good place to start looking in the US. I don't know what sorts of groups are available elsewhere but if your in a metropolitan area I'm sure you can find some.

A normal part of the developmental process of many relationships is boundary setting and boundary testing. The verbal component of this process often doesn't mean a lot. The extent to which you tolerate things and the extremes you go to in being a rescuer will likely be much more important as precedent than any verbal agreements you make.

If you are going for it stay aware of boundaries and utilize outside resources. Seldom is a relationship any sort of help to a mental health situation so please don't become emotional invested in yourself as a remedy to her problems or make the outcome of this relationship important to your own wellbeing. Easier said then done, but I thought I'd say it all anyways. Good luck

 

[anonymousjoe]

Slowly back your way out of this relationship.

Or change your name and move to another city.

 

[jake99]

It sucks because i care and wish i could help but when someone tells you that you are their only reason to live thats a lot of pressure to handle...............but at same time i dont want a girl dying because i break her heart

 

[totach]

hey jake, This is the last thing you need right now for your own sobriety. I think you need to sit her down and explain to her that she is not helping with ur sobriety and that ur sobriety is very important to you. If she cant understand that then u hav to tel her ur forced to stop talking to her. Or maybe you guys can work on it together does she hav any intent of stoping drugs?. Anyways if you are really scared of her then you should stop talking to her period. Its not fair to you for someone to threaten to hurt themselves if u dont do something they want. She probably allready knows you to the point where she knows what to say to you to get what she wants n i guess cutting is her way of letting u know but thats not right. Lets get some more responses in here n then make her read this thread that should giv her a wakeup call.

 

[jake99]

well she has no intention on stopping her drinking.............i intend on stopping dope , and she likes that too which is bad.............im trying to get clean with methadone this time AGAIN , but she expects me to put her ahead of work and school . example , today i told her yesterday i could probably see her around 12 but i slept in this morning so now i said it may be a little later because i have a test i have to study for first , but she doesnt get it . she just flips out. its all about what she wants ............thats her borderline personality disorder i guess...........i just cant win with her. im not gonna fail a test because she NEEDED to see me every day all day , plus i have work later

 

[Jabberwocky]

but at same time i dont want a girl dying because i break her heart

Do not be held hostage by suicidal potential. No real romance is based on a threat or potential of suicide.If you want out with no responsibility refer to help. If she is your romantic choice psychiatric complications be damned, then start getting educated and aware of resources.

I've used the imperative mode above. It is all your choice imperatives aside. If you are in love advising you to be smart may seem nonsensical but there really is smart love.

 

[sid3]

Change your number, get away frm her asap. Your highly likely to get into legal trouble with her, she'll get pissed, claim domestic violence and you'll hauled away.Not too mention her grabbing the steering wheel. You have enough of your own problems right now, adding a suicidal and mentally unstable woman would be insane. You won't be the reasn if she decides to kill herself, it obviously goes way deeper than that. Focus on helping yourself first.

 

[Legerity]

It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Please remember that you are not responsible for anybody else's life. It sounds like she is looking for a life jacket to keep her from drowning, and you happen to be it at this moment. This doesn't mean you have to try to fill this role, which is impossible. And it looks like she continues to hurt herself even when you are with her, so you don't need to feel that you are the only thing keeping her safe.

She is responsible for any of her self-destructive actions, it has nothing to do with your relationship to her.

When I went to rehab I had to split up with my girlfriend who was heavily using drugs and overall losing control of her life. They convinced me to never call her again after leaving the rehab, and I didn't. It was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life, leaving her was more difficult than getting off the drugs. But I know that I'm not responsible for whatever path she took after we parted ways.

I hope you are able to do whatever is best for you.

 

[User Name Here]

Don't feel obligated to be with her because it is NOT your responsibility to take care of and help her. I know what it's like to wanna help someone but it is not a good idea to get involved with someone like this. It has "bad news" written all over it. The best thing you can do for her is stay away from her so she won't complicate her life even more with yet another relationship.

I recommend two things: You absolutely, positively need to be firm with her, and you need to tell her that you can not be involved with her for her sake as well as yours. She will more than likely flip out based on the information you've provided but what's worse, a mentally unstable girl flipping out for a short period of time or the same mentally unstable girl eventually becoming interwoven in your own hectic life and flipping out for a long period of time? I would definitely opt for the former and you can even minimize the outcome by--once again--being extremely straightforward yet tactful and understanding. Simply emphasize the fact that you want nothing more than to be able to provide a shoulder for her to lean on or the company of a friend but that you yourself cannot handle such a responsibility at the moment due to your own issues, and remind her that you hope she will understand what that feels like for you. Tell her that you care about her enough to do her the favor of remaining nothing more than a by-stander because if you get involved, things will get messy and you do not want that for either of you, especially not her.

Besides, you don't need all of the bullshit that will inevitably come with this girl. She's still living with her baby's father and hates him? Oh man, that has "fun" written all over it I hate to sound crude but yeah, stay away from this mixed bag of nuts for your sake as well as hers.

Two people with issues do not equal good times and happy endings, my friend.

 

[bagochina]

Truthfully what I would do is cut her out of my life but that is par for the course for me and something I have been trying to change. Often I wonder if I would have just tried harder [or rather tried at all] maybe I would still be with one of the plethora of old girlfriends. I guess I am to quick to jump the gun and if something is bothering me about you, bye bye. Or I would just up my drug use and that worked for a bit till I found something else I didnt like. Or something else I did like

peace.
seedless

 

[jake99]

Wow so today i was gonna decide to not talk to her but once again i felt sorry for her and went to see her before work for a few hours which still wasnt good enough for her because i was a hour later than i said i would be because i had to study which she doesnt care if i fail a test or not , only that im with her EVERY second so she isnt alone............anyway things were ok when i left and went to work and i said id see her after work (even though once again i knew i shuolndt) So after work i pick her up , she isnt allowed at my hosue anymore because my roommate wont put up with a psycho in the house so this girl has a spot she used to go with her ex where they can hook up or whatever ............so we went there , messed around a bit , and then after that she decided to call me a pussy because i wouldnt promise to spit in this guys face that she used to be friends with ................i told her i dont need that drama and she was all drunk and kept saying im a pussy . so i walked away and said fine if thats how you feel dont chill with me......now i wasnt gonna leave her stranded out there at night with no way home , im not that cold. i walked to the car to smoke a cig and thought she would either follow me back to the car , or wait in that spot for me to come back , but when i walked back she was gone. So of course i was panicking thinking what if she walked off and tries to jump in front of a car again or cut herself........i didnt want her out there at night all alone on the street...........but she wouldnt even pick up her phone and i couldnt find her so i had to just go home. finally i called my friend from AA who knows her and she talked to her and fuond out that she was just going to walk home, she lives a mile or two from the spot we were at........oh and just to be nice she gave the message that i can rot in hell and die ........thats about the 3rd time she has said that to me , then sobered up and called me the next day crying wanting to see me..........So im kinda scared this girl could go through with her threats of calling cops and making up some story that i hit her or something , but i doubt she will since she threatened it before and never did........madybe she will just stay mad at me and not wanna see me and that will be the best thing for me anyway ...........I guess im also co dependent in a way because i do have feelings for her despite knowing that it would be constant insanity and drama being with her.............guess im just another lonely soul looking for love like her , just im not going to cut myself or jump in front of a car if things dont go my way , and she will....................
its really sad. she probably does need to be hospitalized again , her drinking , starving herself , and cutting are going to keep making her worse and worse

 

[User Name Here]

I don't wanna hear you complain about her anymore if you continue having anything to do with her, especially on a physical level.

Sorry, I have little sympathy for ya when people have been kind enough to take time out of their day to help you in any way only for you to blow off their advice by sprinkling responses with "I know I shouldn't have but..." You might as well tell everyone in this thread that their advice isn't warranted, you know?

Just quit talking to her already. Ignore her. Don't answer her calls, don't seek her out, and certainly don't fuck her. It's not that complex a solution.

 

[jake99]

Well i didnt want her to kill herself because of me...............i felt really sorry for her. but its over , we arent talking anymnore

 

[User Name Here]

Well i didnt want her to kill herself because of me...............i felt really sorry for her. but its over , we arent talking anymnore

People like that are going to act and feel the way they do regardless of your involvement with them (as in, if she's going to kill herself, it has nothing to do with you and she'll do it either way).

 

[Veruca Salt]

Great advice. ... Noone needs someone
who is coocoo for cocoa puffs in their
life and like user said, she's gonna feel
that way regardless of whether you're there
or not. ... Misery loves company. Don't
be hers.

 

[jake99]

So today she told me she didnt wanna be with me anymore this morning, didnt text or call all day , then aruond 10 pm she texts me saying she is sorry ...................then she wanted me to come hang out with her for 20 minnutes because she has to be home by 11 anyway and by time i woulda got there it would been about 1045 ...............so i said no because i told her im still mad about what she did last night, so she started with "your gonna be sorry im gonna kill myself" and i told her stop saying that crap every time you dont get your way............so she went home and just texted me "good nite still love u" so first i just said "good night" but i felt bad so i said "love you too but still mad tho"

 

[User Name Here]

And why are you STILL talking to her..? If you truly care for her, do her the favor of exiting her already hectic and fucked up life. Besides, you don't need all of that extra drama. I can't imagine willingly putting myself around anyone like that. She must be really hot or something.

 

[Veruca Salt]

Ok let me just say this. My older brother
hung himself when I was 15 from my canopy
bed and barely survived. He didn't tell
ANYONE his plans. This crazy girl is just
looking for attention and is pushing your
buttons because she knows it works.

The only way your ever going to have any
normalcy in your life is if you quit talking
to her. You most certainly shouldn't be
telling her that you love her, you've only
said about a thousand times in here that
you don't. Regardless of how hot this girl
is, I'm with user.. I couldn't imagine
letting someone hold me hostage like she
is you. You're giving her all the control
and letting her crazy dysfunction run your
life. I'd high tail outta there before she
pulls the "I'm pregnant" card. Then you're
really gonna be screwed.