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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health HELP!! I feel like im losing the fight... Meth withdrawl with diagnosed crazy

bigstank

bigstank

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Feb 18, 2015
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New poster long time lurker..

I'm about to lose everything.. My mind.. My life.. My relationship.. My family..

I suffer from long time diagnosed bi polar, hereditary mild skitzo with psychotic episode, sociopathic, plus a few other..
A lot of mad genetics and childhood trauma.. Most of the time.. I'd say 75% I'm functional and fine..
Oh yeah btw.. Stopped taking all meds for my head about 4 years ago.. And let me say.. I've been on it all at one point or another..
But I feel like something snapped.. I use suboxone everyday.. 1-3 mg for long term opiate use.. And I just recently started IVing Crystal Meth in the past two weeks or so.. God the rush is incredible.. But I've done it plenty when I was using before and off and on once in awhile since then.. Maybe 3 days every 2-3 months.. Well I used.. 8-9 out of 14 days and I feel like I can no longer feel happiness unless I use.. And ill go 2-5 days and still be as crazy AF.. unless I take a fat shot.. It's crazy..

Symptoms.. Irritability.. Over thinking emotions and words of my wife.. Paranoia.. Depression x1000000.. Suicidal thoughts.. Constant sorrow.. Random bouts of crying for hours.. Psychosis.. Shadow people.. Hatred towards any noise... Thoughts of extreme violence.. Thoughts of capital punishment worthy crimes..

Wtf.. I'm the most happy go lucky guy around.. And I honestly feel like a real sociopath.. Like I can't experience joy

Please help.. Cause the only thing that helps as of now.. Is using..
 
Welcome to BL!
Why have you stopped using appropriate medications?

Most bi polar patients experience the same symptoms.
And with the drugs you mentioned may intensify the symptoms IMO.

Maybe you should just stop using Crystal meth. And see how you could give it some time off Subs everyday as this can make your condition most difficult to treat as it´s already difficult as it is..
 
I have refrained from using for a week at the longest.. And I can always snap out of it normally.. It feels like a manic attack with psychosis.. But there's almost like a wall that wont let me get over it.. It's like my mind just gave. Up the fight..

And I stopped meds cause I felt worse on them.. I can manage though. Always have.. But this time its like I have no safety net..

And without the subs.. The w,d from those.. Is crazy.. It's just make matters worse.. The subs have never had any bad effect on me in two years either.
 
Its about the worst combination imaginable with your mental record. Lay the meth down for good if you appreciate your 75% functionality, it will havoc your mind like no other drug.
 
NAC and Fish oil.

NAC has been shown to reduce cocaine cravings.

Fish oil helps with mood and helped me when I had a lot of trouble getting off dexamphetamine.

You might want to try get on wellbutrin for meth withdrawal.

Also understand that amphetamines have opioid activity so continue your suboxone and try exercise regularly.

If you are still having trouble with addiction you might want to look in to naltrexone implants but being a sociopath I dont know if you would want them.

I doubt you have schizophrenia, I find it hard to imagine a schizophrenic managing a meth addiction and not ending up in a psych ward.
 
Yeah, well my dad was very seriously skitzo. And believe me I think maybe I could've gotten there

Update tho... Used shitty product past two days... I've been given ultimatum
.. Either go to rehab or seek professional help.. Or lose my fiance and family.. And its kinda fucked up cause she was the one who started wanting to use it again.. And has diseases.. But she can't accept my psych problems.. And I know I'm just prolonging either losing everything or giving up the only way I've been able to cope with the severe severe manic lows..

Threatening an addict with an ultimatum... Since that's worked so well before lol
 
You need to understand with your sociopathy you cant really follow through with future planning, so perhaps try compensate for it by pushing yourself in to more positive choices against your own wishes.
Are you in denial that things can get worse?

You can cope with lows with ways that are more healthy such as proper medication.

I dunno how you can put up with things, I stopped amphetamines once I started getting shit product and amphetamine psychosis and never touched it again, I know meth is more addictive but you can get yourself in to serious shit like MDD which you cant just snap out of and help yourself from. You could become more unwell to the point where you wont be able to live alone, you could easily end up on the street completely out of your mind eating from bins and pissing your pants. You realise this dont you???
 
Sounds to me like you have three options:

- stop taking meth
- start taking your medication, or
- both

The illnesses you've listed are serious and unpleasant. I wouldn't be mucking around with them. You might end up with significantly worse symptoms.
 
Okay... Update guys.. I sat down and thought alot about life.. Did some physical activity.. Quality family time and general good vibes stuff...

And TBH.. I was finally about to pull out of the low.. State of being is just an enhanced state of mind really.. Sometimes you juat gotta bite the bullet.. But I feel after everything.. Nothing is going to kill me if I don't let it.. I know naive.. Ignorant.. Well I've always been stubborn.. But I have agreed with my fiance to get back on some meds..
 
bigstank said:
Yeah, well my dad was very seriously skitzo. And believe me I think maybe I could've gotten there

Update tho... Used shitty product past two days... I've been given ultimatum
.. Either go to rehab or seek professional help.. Or lose my fiance and family.. And its kinda fucked up cause she was the one who started wanting to use it again.. And has diseases.. But she can't accept my psych problems.. And I know I'm just prolonging either losing everything or giving up the only way I've been able to cope with the severe severe manic lows..

Threatening an addict with an ultimatum... Since that's worked so well before lol
Click to expand...

If you get put on antipsychotics, you will be more depressed than you ever thought possible.

Here is what you are dealing with:

Spirit of confusion

Spirit of peace

God gives a spirit of peace. A spirit of confusion comes from demons. Whenever you have that confusion, know that it is demonic in origin. That is regardless of what physically could be making it worse. The original confusion is demonic.

Stay away from psychiatric hospitals. They will hurt you. You are still not on the radar of the mental health system. You want to stay that way.

Schizophrenia, as defined by the DSM, is caused by demonic attacks.

When you are paranoid, you are being attacked by a demon. Spirit of confusion.

When you are at peace, you are being comforted by God. Spirit of peace.

If you end up in a psych ward, you will be put on a poison that blocks dopamine from binding. Learn this lesson now, and you will avoid that fate.

Spirit of confusion
Spirit of peace

Learn this lesson now, and you will avoid finding out what chemically induced depression feels like.
 
And get off the meth. I know of a few things that can help you but you would have to PM me. You don't have to avoid all dopaminergic drugs - just ones that cause confusion. Meth will hurt you. Being hurt is bad. Good is good and bad is bad.
 
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