Help i am autistic and I have found the woman i want to marry.

[soahc]

I am recently diagnosed on the autistic spectrum. I am able to function on a general basis in social and professional situations but sometimes when under pressure in awkward settings I kind of snap and behave oddly. People pick up on this and observe that somethign is different about the way I interact.

Also i have realized i want a family, stability in my life, monogamy (i have definitely got the sluttiness out of my system) and love.

I know that there is something to be said for persistence, for focus and goal setting. But sometimes I worry about too much pressure. i have been known to pressure women in persuit. Never to the point of stalking or anything, but OCD, yes.

i go over everything we said to eachother, to see what I saud wrong, to approach her like a system (typical autistic behavior). i knwo she is so much more than a system or game. She has so much depth and spirit and mystery.

She also wants what I want, a family, love and togetherness. I think I just have to reassure her somehow that I am stable.

I have generated interest and while I scared her off for awhile, we reconnected and she was willing to meet with me with other people present. I think she wanted the group setting to see how I perform in social situations, but also so her friends could screen me. Also, this is common in other countries, for prospective partners to start out dating only with other people. Only mainly in the U.S. do we do this one on one dating thing.

So, I know I am overthinking this and self obsessing but please understand I come from bad history, drug problems, homelessness, and mental illness, abuse, total chaos and instability etc. So I have this potential person who I have so much interest in, yes I have listed why I like her, and what I dislike about her. The likes far outweigh the dislikes.

I have managed to claw my way back to sanity and finally hold down a job, persue my passion in art, be happy, enjoy the world. So i want to continue this and find a wife, because I value family and love.

Recently I sent her an email and I have not heard back, though she is in a third world country travelling. Before she left she told me 'i hope to see you again' and 'keep in touch'.

I told her in the email how nice it was to spend time with her, and that i felt so energized from it, and that being near her makes me happy. now I am rehashing the whole scenario worried about bullshit like what if she thinks 'being near you makes me happy' means I am unhappy without her? that is not the case. i think I could recover if she spurned my advances, and I have dated some recently.

so my question is, how offten would you reccomend I contact her, remind her I am here. She will play hard to get and is very high value, many interested men. I respect that. i have been choosy too over the years, passing up many opportunities to settle down, waiting for the right person.

I just dont want her to think that she is ALL i am about now, that I am obsessed, but I also want to show her I have the intention of persistence, that I think she is worth waiting for.

these modern times. Gone are the days of long courtships and love letters. so many women dont have an interest in that. but I know the one I want is choosy, wants a family, and values herself highly. What to do.

Thanks for reading this. i feel lost. i have a lot of experience gaming with women but this is all like a beginning.

 

[jazz hands]

You have to get to know a woman before you decide you're going to marry her. You also can't decide that you are going to marry her before you know that there's even a chance she will marry you. You're literally not even sure if this girl would see you without her friends around at this point.

Marriage is a reasonable goal to work towards, but you can't plan it in advance to this degree.

 

[soahc]

I see your point. "I want to marry'' arent the best terms.

I dont know if I even believe in the institution of marriage.

She is a woman I am definitely interested in getting to know better, with the intention of looking for a partner/mate.

I think it is a common way to approach things or was in tha past. With an intention like this. endless dating, just for fun, is a pretty modern concept.

But yeah i see your point. I dont want to marry her now. but I do want to get to know her better with a potential goal in mind.

Also i do know there is a chance. Because she asked me if i want children. She clearly makes it known that she wants childre. She even told me her age that she wants children at. She said something like 'its nice to be around a family' whe she was staying with a family.

So I know that she wants a family. And I know she has some interest in me, but i am sort of in the auditioning process...

 

[twentysix]

The only advice I can give is worrying doesn't do any good, ever. I ruined many, and possible relationships, sometimes before they started because of it. I can't say I wouldn't relapse into worry again if I found someone "worth" worrying over, though. Not for sure. I just know, standing away from it, what I say.




^ just saw you responded with more info: the asking about children and including family... and including you with her friends, that can all be read as good i think, especially if she is asking you and somewhat initiating it. i hope everything goes great.

 

[soahc]

thanks. I wish I could say i will heed your advice. But, well my anxiety seems to have a power over me. I guess on the bright side, this year has been my best yet, socially i have really put my life back together and gained emotional wisdom.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[soahc]

especially if she is asking you and somewhat initiating it.

Its confusing me, because she never contacts me, but when I contact her she indicates interest. I want to believe the is above playing games, stringing along with zero interest in anything serious. She is very coy. If she wants to test me, I am prepared to work and persevere. I just love her.

 

[twentysix]

don't forget she's inside herself, too. i can't say for sure because i'm not there, of course. i know, these can be tough.

i had a hard time reading a girl, like you, that i really, really liked. she was the only girl i asked to marry me (she ended up saying yes, but the situation was a little complicated, and i ended up letting her go.)... but it was really hard to read her. there were times when things sparked, but times when i thought she was just going along with it because she felt she had to or something, or felt obligated or expected or wanted to feel or be some way, or something, i don't know.. perhaps those times that she got me/we got each other were enough for her. they were enough for me... well.. to keep trying. to keep hoping... but there was still a barrier that i only saw past a few times. i still love her, and even as she is married at this point in time to another guy, i can only be happy for her. i don't mean to seem sappy or anything, as it's really not like that. i'm human and there might be some hidden, negative emotions buried... but that's life. i accept that, and move on. ... anyway though, i'm trying to relate this to how i think you feel, not to say that this is how it will turn out, as i have no idea.

just continue to love her. if your love is meant to find a family and children together, it will. if not, continue to love her. though of course, never expect the same in return. that makes it better (and when it does happen, better), maybe, and keeps us from falling into {something not good}.

i'm not sure where to stop, or continue. til next time.

 

[soahc]

thanks again

sorry it didnt work out but thats good of you to move on and still care for her.

Yeah I think I will just continue, giving her space, but reminding her periodically that while my life goes on, I am still here, and I still care for her.

I know now that part of this journey has to be celibacy. I have lost count of the women I have had sex with and it has been great only a handful of times, all other times just like burping or sneezing.

I need to get serious with myself before I can get serious with a partner. That means no more casual sex with women I dont know or have an emotional investment in. Maybe part of my anxiety stems from the fact that I have been unable to hold down a relationship before, have cheated, etc.

Guess now I am a born again virgin. Now I can actually be friends with women instead of persuing them for sex. cool.