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Help! Gf just gone crazy n slashed herself up!

I would just point out that when someone slashes their wrists it's usually a cry for help rather than a genuine suicide attempt. It's ridiculously difficult to kill yourself by that method, as even if you cut the ulnar artery, it's not significant enough for one to bleed to death.

So I wouldn't be overly concerned about her taking her life if you leave her.

The people who actually commit suicide are the one's you never expect, at least in my experience.
 
Can only echo what's already been said; you're out of your depth in this one. She needs professional help; if you stay with her longer I suspect she'll isolate you as much as she's isolated herself, job or not. Be careful.
 
Wow, I don't know what I would do either.

You mentioned that she didn't get the job she wanted (needed?). Losing your job and the interview process itself (getting told "no" until you get one) is really tough on the psyche. Sounds like she just snapped after she tried to have sex.

I don't agree with manipulating you with it, but I would hold off on any rash decisions. Help her get some help and maybe just stay quiet until things settle down for her and then break it off. I dunno what I would do if a guy did this to me. I would be scared too, but at the same time, I would need to be apart from that person for my own mental health. It would scare the shit out of me.
 
I'm a mental health professional, I have worked with many cases like your girlfriend (of course, only going from the information you've given us, so this is hypothetical and speculative).

She definitely sounds like she needs help and like this is way out of your league. Anyway, it nearly ALWAYS ends badly when a partner becomes the full time carer of someone with a personality disorder (my hypothetical diagnosis here based on her self-harming/lack of friends/low social functionality - e.g. not working and highly dependent and needy behaviour with you). So I strongly suggest that regardless of what happens you do everything in your power to ensure she gets treatment.

Research shows that self-harmers, especially those who self-harm in ways which aren't life threatening, don't usually go on to commit suicide. Just as an example: "About 3 in 100 people who self-harm over 15 years will actually kill themselves. This is more than 50 times the rate for people who don't self-harm. The risk increases with age and is much greater for men." http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/depression/self-harm.aspx
Self-harmers typically use self-injury to manage intolerable feelings when they are distressed but this isn't the same as wanting to die; it's a coping strategy for being alive. There's a difference even if they look similar at first.

Re sticking by her - if you love and care about her and want to support her through it I think you can, but only as a friend. She needs to be in treatment, ideally she needs to move out. No sex, no romantic stuff. The woman is clearly not well enough to manage the strong emotions that come with being in a relationship, and she'll just end up destroying you while destroying herself. If you keep her in your life do a LOT of reading about borderline personality disorder and make sure you look after yourself, have an ability to take a step back when her behaviour gets too much, and keep very very firm and consistent boundaries with her. Best of luck and please, keep repeating to yourself: "I am not in charge of this person's happiness or unhappiness, we can only be responsible for our own's; I have no control over the decisions she makes with her life and will only be there for her if I am emotionally able to cope; I am not omnipotent enough to be the sole cause of other people's life and death decisions." Let go, and only act out of love, never out of guilt.
 
Thanks Lola, god, reading this stuff is scaring the shit out of me! I dunno what is the best thing to do! :( maybe tell her that we can't be together till she's got help, let her live here still and stuff. She says she don't want help so how can I persuade/make her? :/
 
The thing is, this isn't just about about what she wants. If she is asking you for emotional support - on any level - you also have to feel safe. It isn't healthy in ANY relationship if the other person has no-one else apart from their partner. She is putting all of her emotional weight on you and you're going to burn out, she might want you to be able to manage it all by yourself but the reality is you're just a person who deserves compassion and it doesn't sound like she is even able to take you needs (to sleep, to go away for the weekend, to keep it together for work) into account. It's immature and selfish of her not to see what she is putting you through and not to at least want to do some work on herself for the sake of your relationship. It's up to her what she chooses to do, but I'd make it clear that if she wants you to stay in her life in any capacity you're only willing to do it if you're not the only person she can turn to. She needs professional help and until she gets it you're simply not in a position to cope. Not to mention any help she gets will also involve educating and supporting you as her main carer (even if you're not together).

Where is her family???
 
Yeah these people who are mentally disturbed don't want to go to the psychiatrist. They see it as a more mental and emotional pain a lot of the time. She has to see a shrink, then get better, then maybe you can hang out with her. I am not sure how you persuade her, but maybe by offering to go to the appointment with her, site outside then escort her home.

I know someone who needs to see a therapist badly, but she won't go. And no one in the circle can figure out how to get her there, but we all want here there...so Lola here's your cue for some ideas!
 
Some excellent advice has been given in this thread already.

It is a tough situation. I experienced a similar event, and even posted a thread about it on BL years and years ago. I know that the fear and worry can be extreme, and it seems impossible to think it's just not your fault or concern. In the thread I posted, I said I would never forgive myself if he killed himself, and someone said - you're right, you'll never forgive yourself, because you wont have to. That always stuck out to me, because I realised that it's true. Noone chooses to kill themselves except that person. If someone chooses to kill themselves over an event like you've described, their reasons and issues go far, far deeper than the current situation. That's not to say that it wouldn't be an extremely hard thing for you to get over if she did do it. But ultimately, it's out of your hands.

I don't know the best approach here, but what I would do is make plans to become completely uncontactable to her. This will be a lot harder given you live together. If at all possible, I would let a family member or someone else know what was going on, then I would move away, even temporarily, turn my phone off and change my number, delete her from facebook and anything like that, and basically make it impossible for her to contact you in any way. I do believe that's the best way to deal with the situation, bec ause if she feels there's any way to contact you, she'll manipulate that. If you just try and ignore her calls, she'll use increasingly desperate measures to get your attention, probably by sending a suicide note and telling you she's just taken an overdose or whatever. I think she's going to deal with any perceived lack of attention in these manipulative ways, and IMO the best way to deal with that is not give her any avenues to do so. The manipulation thrives off attention, and in this respect it becomes pointless for her to send a suicide note to a disconnected number, and thus she loses that power.
 
IME, if she does not get help, she will find someone else to latch onto and thrive off of the attention. My experience is not with someone who has attempted suicide, but it's been with compulsive lying (saying things like "I have cancer" or "I need an abortion." and it's not true) If you disconnect from the person, they will attempt to find deeper and deeper ways to get your attention, but eventually, they will work to latch on to another person when they see it isn't working. The problem is not falling for the trap, and she has to get therapy or IME that's the next step if he cuts her off.

What sucks is if she is in the same circle of friends as his. This will turn into a "He's a POS" to his friends, and that is a whole new headache that he'll have to deal with.

Not fun, OP. I hope this clears up for you.
 
Iv been distant with her and I think she is figuring out why... Just dunno what to do. It's hard for me to move away really... Her family used to abuse her so she spent most her time living with her gran, but now she's dying and it's affected her real bad.
Her family do suck tho! I hate her mum! We went to her grans her mum came later and treaded mud into the carpet and all she said was 'mrs.buffnstuff clean that up' and she got on her knees and scrubbed the carpet :( I'm all she's got but at the same time it's too much for me to deal with.
Lysis, my psycho ex have me all the cancer crap, also abortion, losing a baby through me stressing her out... All sorts! I'm just a magnet for these things!
 
^ if this is a pattern in your relationships, perhaps it's time to analyze why that is the case? there is one common factor in all of your relationships...

alasdair
 
mr.buffnstuff said:
Iv been distant with her and I think she is figuring out why... Just dunno what to do. It's hard for me to move away really... Her family used to abuse her so she spent most her time living with her gran, but now she's dying and it's affected her real bad.
Her family do suck tho! I hate her mum! We went to her grans her mum came later and treaded mud into the carpet and all she said was 'mrs.buffnstuff clean that up' and she got on her knees and scrubbed the carpet :( I'm all she's got but at the same time it's too much for me to deal with.
Lysis, my psycho ex have me all the cancer crap, also abortion, losing a baby through me stressing her out... All sorts! I'm just a magnet for these things!
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I hear ya, dude. I would be completely confused and disoriented on what to do myself. I mean, you have to take care of you, but at the same time, you want to help her. I feel obligated to reiterate that she needs help. Was she not baker acted? I thought suicidal issues were automatic baker acts? Although, I doubt it's very good therapy.

I think people who do this stuff aren't dumb...she probably knows why you're distant and probably doesn't blame you for being distant. It sounds like she's not got any good family, and her dying grams, the job issue and perhaps any relationship issues you guys were having have all really taken a toll on her. You really need to be in a good frame of mind to job hunt. It can seriously take a toll on your mental health, because it's all about people telling you "NO, don't like you" and telling you this and that are wrong with you. If she's having issues already, I can understand fully why she basically snapped. The interview process is really hard, and I've done it quite a few times in my career. It might have been her trigger.
 
mark881 said:
I know someone who needs to see a therapist badly, but she won't go. And no one in the circle can figure out how to get her there, but we all want here there...so Lola here's your cue for some ideas!
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Ahhh... if only it was this simple :\ (horse, water, etc.)

It is a good idea for the OP to break his cycle and to think why he gravitates towards these kinds of women? Does he like to feel needed or like he's a "rescuer"? Just putting it out there...
 
alasdairm said:
^ if this is a pattern in your relationships, perhaps it's time to analyze why that is the case? there is one common factor in all of your relationships...

alasdair
Click to expand...
technically, I bet there are more then one. ( they all involve more then one person, I think he's hereto so they all involve a female, they likely all involve sex, they all take place on Earth, they all are events with distinct temporal boundarys etc etc)

Just to be pedantic and all.
 
Well all I can say is they all seemed more than normal at first apart from Gemma, but that was when my opiates were ramping up and I just couldn't function properly. My current gf was fine at the start and we really connected on some next level shit. How times change! Got home last night we sat in the living room together and barely spoke a word all evening to each other :( I dunno what to say tho tbh, it's fucked my head up. I'm having to take a step back n look at everything in my whole life now :/
 
if you aren't willing to be supportive and look at it more objectively than "she went crazy" and are worried about having to deal with it again, just break up with her. don't flatter yourself by thinking she would off herself over you if she wouldn't otherwise. the throat thing sounds like a bit much, is this an isolated incident? she could have been a cutter without your knowing. alcohol can induce an episode of cutting even if she was over that coping skill for the most part anyway. anyway, if you are going to call her crazy and insane if she has a self harm episode again just break it off now. for her sake.
 
Ok JP do it's normal behaviour is it? What do you define as crazy then? She flipped! Grabbed a knife starte slashing herself up then tried to stick it through her throat!
What is crazy to you!?
 
The trouble here is, it's easy to say "just break it off". But when you live with somebody, own a home it's not something you can walk away from immediately. Apparently, she does not have family members that can help her and mr.buff just can't toss her out in the streets. The girl has mental health isssues which she is resistant to getting help for. There are no easy solutions. Just hope she comes around
 
Update- ok so we didn't talk really untill Tuesday, was awkward as hell! We did talk and she has already registered with a gp and is going to get help despite saying she don't need too.... So things seem ok again but I can't fully relax anymore, I'm always on edge....
Anyway she won't be drinking again! We used to take drugs together but now Iv said that will be no more.... :(
 
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