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Help for the end

Serene Imp

Serene Imp

Bluelighter
Joined
May 14, 2010
Messages
68
Location
Down a rabbit hole
I've reached the end of my rope, how can I view any light at the end of tunnel when my life has been nothing but shit after shit regardless of what I do to right it.

Is it possible that some peoples lives are doomed from the get?
 
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I don't think anyone here is gonna tell you how much meth to OD or any other way to off yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if this thread gets closed soon
 
Hey, Serene .. no there is never any place where we can get where there is no light... yeah it get real dim at times.. many times, with the very best intentions, we run seeking the light well off our true paths.

Whats up.. how can we help?<3
 
I do believe as a hospice nurse there should be a diagnosis of terminal drug addiction-look at Layne Stayley. That being said, he was an exception. No one here is going to enable that. I am pretty down myself right now. If we were in close in proximity, we could go have drink. But what I am gonna do is put my headphones on and listen to his music and just wallow and in the morning I will either want to kill myself or feel better. I have a feeling I will feel better. Hang in there.
 
After 10 years of opiate addiction I got gloriously free with no PAWS and so happy every day I want to cry. Granted I made the solution happen for myself but it - completely - worked. 6 months ago I wanted to die actively, every day, and I no longer believed it would ever get better.
 
neversickanymore said:
Whats up.. how can we help?<3
Click to expand...

I don't want to get into it all but I just don't see a point anymore, basically still here because of my obligations to others. Nothing ever goes right it seems and I just keep getting shit hand after shit hand dealt to me my whole life. From as far back as I can remember I've had ridiculous amounts of shit piled on my plate. If reincarnation is true then I must have fucked up real bad my past life. This isn't just my perception of things either, I've talked to various friends about it all (my life) and even they say that I've due for a big break and can't believe everything that I've had to go through. Point is, my obligations to people are not out weighting the pull to off myself. I'm starting to feel like I'm the thing holding these people back and I'm the reason why shit keeps going wrong. My life is a shit storm and anyone that get's close enough get's caught up in it. It's not fair to them and I just feel so lost and don't know what to do anymore. I constantly ponder if it's worth it anymore.
 
I went thrugh a never ending six year shit storm where not only could I not catch a break, but I was the worlds greatest magnet for misery. It broke me and I was sure I wanted to die and that I was cursed and the the people I loved would be better off without me. I could not have been more wrong. After the six years of insane struggle my life changed, partially because I changed it but also luck or fate was involved. As crazy as it seems I know look back on that hell as the best thing that ever happened to me. I think we all get tested.. some of us get the mother of all tests.. maybe because we are so fucking strong thats what it takes.

It is less than two years after the battle.. kinda funny I call it a battle cause it was so one sided, and I was not on the winning side while it went down.. but I am at a place I would have never guests.. so many dreams are coming true.. I have no fear cause I know I can deal with anything.

I don't know why we all get tested.. every damn one of us. But if you ever hear a story about anyone who has went through a hellish big trial.. so many of us say it was the best thing that ever happened to us;)

Keep pushing and don't give up.. I almost did less than two weeks before the tide turned. Its an amazing thing when the good shit runs as fast and hopefully as long as the hell did<3
 
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OP I have viewed my life like yours for so many years. The day didn't go by without telling myself how much of a useless failure I am, as a friend, a daughter and most importantly as a person. I would compare myself to other people's lives and succeses and would just continue to abuse alcohol and drugs to feel better.

Then since you can't be invincible forever in taking drugs, I had a bad reaction to one of the drugs I was taking which made it worse for me. I realized that I had been taking myself for granted and that the only way to make my life better starts from me, my mindset and how I should see the beauty in this world.

Life is full of pain and obstacles yes but we should also see the beauty in it even in simple things. The sunshine, the beautiful scene, the hardwork, the struggles that keeps us strong and keeps us fighting. How you see life will be up to you.

I am kind of teary eyed at the moment as this brought back some memories but I am glad that I survived what I went through.
 
This is 25 years with maybe a grand total of 4 years that were good. I used to think that you only go through as much as you can handle, and not enough to break you, but now I'm not so sure. My whole life has been one bad test after another and it's not for lack of trying to better it. I've pushed myself to my limits time and time again trying to make a positive chance, hoping that something will shift, and it never does. Now I'm not saying that I was never happy, because there are a lot of times that I was really happy, but I was still dragging myself through hard times. It's just gotten to the point where the hard times have weathered me so bad that I don't have the stamina to keep trudging. I'm not a frequent drug user, I rarely even drink, I do that maybe one weekend a month or a month and a half. I'm in college but don't see a point because what are the chances of landing a good job when I'm going to be burdened by the debt of a small house! Sometimes I just feel like the mediocrity of everyday life is just not for me yet I know I'm doomed to work a 9-5 job, never climbing the corporate ladder, being a drone and settling for the rest of my life. Sometimes I'm so apathetic that I feel cold and hollow.
 
Serene Imp, I can imagine how trapped you feel by a debt that is for an education that you don't even feel connected to. But, before you allow this to overwhelm you to the point of wanting to end your life I hope you know that there are many of us that find the student loan business so immoral that we are calling for alternative ways to pay them off, debt forgiveness under certain conditions etc. I'm 60 and I find it ridiculous and downright evil that the government and schools talk 18 year olds into these obscene amounts of debt when having a BA and sometimes even an MA will provide them with no guarantee of a career path that will actually pay enough to allow repayment. So, hang in there and join the fight--maybe we can get someone to pay attention. Right now no one wants to but this generation is going to have a huge effect on the economy when all this bad debt hits the fan. I'm very hopeful that , similar to the housing crisis, the government will be forced to help people re-structure these debts.

As far as feeling doomed to working some dreary 9-5, why? Why is this the only path you can imagine for yourself? I think that apathy is a direct response to not living a life that feeds your true self. You are young and the task at hand for you is to get to know who that true self is. We get filled with expectations by the time we hit college and these are no longer just external--we've internalized them often without really examining them. Look around at the people in your life. Is there anyone whose life you admire? One thing I notice is that people can often describe in great detail what they don't want, don't like, don't value, but they can barely imagine what they do like. The first step in creating the life you want is by imagining what that life would look like.

Your discouragement is understandable but don't let it morph into total despair.<3
 
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