Swimmingdancer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2012
- Messages
- 5,433
Update: This is from over a year ago, I have long since quit methadone completely. Just explaining this because I noticed that people are still replying to this post, (which is totally fine if it helps others who might come across it though). - SD. March 2013.
[Original Post:]
I am feeling extremely depressed and hopeless and would love some help and support with what I'm going through, especially from people who have actually been in this situation, and some advice on coming up with a plan. It is my goal to get off methadone (and all other opiates or other drugs that cause physical dependence) completely.
Some backstory: I have been on methadone for 10 years. I was using heroin for about 5 years before that and continued using it for about the first 5 years while I was on methadone. My highest methadone dose was 100mg/day. I eventually got down to 50mg/day and stayed at that level for a long time. I have recently started tapering down with the goal of getting off it completely. A few things about me include that I have an extremely fast metabolism in that the effects of methadone does not last me anywhere near as long as the "average" - at 25mg for example it would last about 9-10 hrs before withdrawals set in, and so I take my methadone twice a day. I have recently gradually gotten my dose down to 24mg a day and I feel sick, joyless and totally unmotivated to even get out of bed, pretty much constantly. Of course it's not as bad as if I just stop taking it altogether though. I cannot fathom how anyone could ever quit methadone cold-turkey, I would definitely kill myself if I had to. I also seem especially sensitive to withdrawal symptoms and experience worse effects than average, although I may have just been led to believe this by clueless doctors and people who stopped taking methadone after only taking it for a short time. If I even decrease my dose by like 2mg I can feel it, and the resulting withdrawals seem to go on and on and get only marginally better a month or 2 after each decrease in dose.
Anyway, it is huge accomplishment for me to have gotten my dose down this low and to be tolerating how miserable I am feeling without having an uncontrollable urge to run out and buy dope. Add on top of all this I have various untreated or poorly-treated health issues, such as chronic pain, injuries, mental health issues such as ADHD etc (not that I've not tried to treat them, just nothing has helped all that much). As much as I do want to be rid of being chained to a pharmaceutical (and at the mercy of doctors/clinics/lawmakers etc), this is having a pretty adverse affect on my life and my mental state. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take with no end in sight. I am also terrified that I will never feel well again.
Thoughts? Advice? Compassionate words? Anyone successfully quit methadone after being on it for 10+ years?
Thanks.
[Original Post:]
I am feeling extremely depressed and hopeless and would love some help and support with what I'm going through, especially from people who have actually been in this situation, and some advice on coming up with a plan. It is my goal to get off methadone (and all other opiates or other drugs that cause physical dependence) completely.
Some backstory: I have been on methadone for 10 years. I was using heroin for about 5 years before that and continued using it for about the first 5 years while I was on methadone. My highest methadone dose was 100mg/day. I eventually got down to 50mg/day and stayed at that level for a long time. I have recently started tapering down with the goal of getting off it completely. A few things about me include that I have an extremely fast metabolism in that the effects of methadone does not last me anywhere near as long as the "average" - at 25mg for example it would last about 9-10 hrs before withdrawals set in, and so I take my methadone twice a day. I have recently gradually gotten my dose down to 24mg a day and I feel sick, joyless and totally unmotivated to even get out of bed, pretty much constantly. Of course it's not as bad as if I just stop taking it altogether though. I cannot fathom how anyone could ever quit methadone cold-turkey, I would definitely kill myself if I had to. I also seem especially sensitive to withdrawal symptoms and experience worse effects than average, although I may have just been led to believe this by clueless doctors and people who stopped taking methadone after only taking it for a short time. If I even decrease my dose by like 2mg I can feel it, and the resulting withdrawals seem to go on and on and get only marginally better a month or 2 after each decrease in dose.
Anyway, it is huge accomplishment for me to have gotten my dose down this low and to be tolerating how miserable I am feeling without having an uncontrollable urge to run out and buy dope. Add on top of all this I have various untreated or poorly-treated health issues, such as chronic pain, injuries, mental health issues such as ADHD etc (not that I've not tried to treat them, just nothing has helped all that much). As much as I do want to be rid of being chained to a pharmaceutical (and at the mercy of doctors/clinics/lawmakers etc), this is having a pretty adverse affect on my life and my mental state. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take with no end in sight. I am also terrified that I will never feel well again.
Thoughts? Advice? Compassionate words? Anyone successfully quit methadone after being on it for 10+ years?
Thanks.
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