developingcolor
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2011
- Messages
- 23
I've been depressed for at least 4 years and it only seems to be getting worse. I get to these points during the day where all i can do is fall onto my bed and cry for 10 minutes literally. I'll cry and then just feel like complete shit after i'm done. I've abused drugs in the past, I tripped on 2ce two timer per weekend for about 5-6 months at 30mg doses. I've everything but crack, meth, and heroin.
I've been drug free for 2 months now. I have so many insecurities that they could eat me alive. I used to weight 280 lbs when entering 10th grade, then by 11th i was down to 160lbs. I had so much loose skin that i had to have surgery done to get it removed. now i have horrible stretch marks going down both of my sides and a huge scar. i look in the mirror and just see a disfigured monster that no one would want. I have absolutely no social support. I'm in my second year at a university and I can't make friends. I don't know how to and i'm usually too depressed to want to. I've dated a few girls before and didn't car when we broke up, but i fell in love with a girl i met last november. We dated for 8 months until she broke up with me. There was a lot of problems in the relationship. I would get mad over small things and drag them out, and she would be possessive and clingy. She's a cutter. She has a huge bulbous scar on her shoulder, cuts literally all down her arm, engravings cut into her skin which say "control", "liar", and something else that i can't remember. A month into dating, we cut our arms together (this is my first time cutting ever) and licked up each others blood, then we made out to fuse it. We had sex afterwards and i'd never felt closer to a person than i did then. A week later we cut our legs and pressured some blood into two vials, put a cork on them, and made a necklace out of them. I have a necklace with her blood, and she has one with mine.(unless she got rid of it, haven't talked to her in two months since the breakup). I absolutely loved her and i feel like she hates me now. I know she does. I'm just tired of feeling depressed all the time. its every single day and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid of ssris because all i ever hear about them is bad things. i hear about them causing a loss of sex drive, horrible withdrawals when trying to quit them, emotional numbing (doesn't sound bad right now). Can anyone help?
I've been drug free for 2 months now. I have so many insecurities that they could eat me alive. I used to weight 280 lbs when entering 10th grade, then by 11th i was down to 160lbs. I had so much loose skin that i had to have surgery done to get it removed. now i have horrible stretch marks going down both of my sides and a huge scar. i look in the mirror and just see a disfigured monster that no one would want. I have absolutely no social support. I'm in my second year at a university and I can't make friends. I don't know how to and i'm usually too depressed to want to. I've dated a few girls before and didn't car when we broke up, but i fell in love with a girl i met last november. We dated for 8 months until she broke up with me. There was a lot of problems in the relationship. I would get mad over small things and drag them out, and she would be possessive and clingy. She's a cutter. She has a huge bulbous scar on her shoulder, cuts literally all down her arm, engravings cut into her skin which say "control", "liar", and something else that i can't remember. A month into dating, we cut our arms together (this is my first time cutting ever) and licked up each others blood, then we made out to fuse it. We had sex afterwards and i'd never felt closer to a person than i did then. A week later we cut our legs and pressured some blood into two vials, put a cork on them, and made a necklace out of them. I have a necklace with her blood, and she has one with mine.(unless she got rid of it, haven't talked to her in two months since the breakup). I absolutely loved her and i feel like she hates me now. I know she does. I'm just tired of feeling depressed all the time. its every single day and i don't know what to do. I'm afraid of ssris because all i ever hear about them is bad things. i hear about them causing a loss of sex drive, horrible withdrawals when trying to quit them, emotional numbing (doesn't sound bad right now). Can anyone help?

