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Help anyone please? very important and scared

M

mike55

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2014
Messages
29
hey guys, i was wondering if ANYONE could help me out in this very difficult time of mine with some type of reassurance or hope. my heart goes out to all the sufferers on this page as before this time i didnt realize how many people are damaged now i know first hand. before stating whats wrong i wanna genuinely give my heartfelt thank to everyone of you posters and people who reply who seek to help all these people in this time of distress. this experience that im going through has hit a total 180 in my life as before this my life was perfect and this has changed me forever (if i recover definitely for the positive.) it has definately brought my awareness of how ignorant i was thinking without testing or severely trusting my source how damaging ingesting unknown chemicals can be to my body thinking i was prone to injury.

I just need some support im 5 weeks alcohol free and 6 weeks weed free but i feel as if im severely/permanently damaged. now i know what ur gonna say "everyone says that, ur just seeing it darker than it is u will recover" but i feel as if my scenario is different. its not like i just had an overdose or excess amount of mdma/coke etc or went on a binge for years and feel a little brain fog and depressed but generally ok. i unknowingly and very stupidly ingested some type of research chemical/ bathroom chemicals god knows what that was sold to me as molly without testing it from a used to be friend of mine that convinced me it was good. turns out it was the opposite of that. it wasnt even enjoyable at all it just caused an altered state so i have no idea what it was. now im so scared because idk what it was/ in it and i know there are things out there 100x more nuerotoxic than the classic meth/coke/mdma and a lot more unforgiving in the recovery process and we dont know the type of damage these mystery chemicals do.

i go back and forth being optimistic then doubtful cuz i know the brain is remarkable in the ways it can recover and regenerate such as nueroregeneration and how addicts can save and recover their brain, but then i read how it really depends the severity of stress it was under/chemicals it was exposed to as some nuerotoxic damage is permanent and already done such as axons destroyed or nuerons killed or communication disrupted and the cns is unlikely to recover from that damage.

now i have the classic depersonalization/ derealization symptoms which honestly is the least of my worries considering its a common symptom that goes away and i can ignore it for the most part ( even though its extremely annoying and wish i could go back to normal and feel in the moment) twitches, fatigue etc. but my most worried symptoms is i literally have ZERO sensation upon orgasm and my adverse effects to marijuana. i know not smoking weed shouldnt be one of my top worries but i rolled/tripped for fun occasionally but weed is like my PASSION. my one and true love, its not like its just something to do when im bored or fun sometimes or just a phase like i planned a whole future with it, smoking with future gfs moving to cali like im an enthusiast. and now my other love (sex) is stripped away from me as well so i cant even enjoy the other pleasure of life. alcohol doesnt even make me feel good. i get drunk but dont feel good. And i am a very experienced smoker (5 times a week for years) its not like my adverse effect is im "trippin" or "too high" or get paranoid it LITERALLY doesnt induce a weed high. my eyes dilate, n i get a tingling wired opiate like feeling tht feels terrible n i pass out unconscious for like 5 seconds. idk if its a seretonin/ communication problem or damaged receptors or axons but its like anything tht releases dopamine and seretonin i cant feel.

its the craziest thing ive never xp b4 in my life. so my two loves sex and weed have been taken from me, and if its permanent im looking at a long life of missery and depression thinking i ruined my life over ONE night of bad drugs. it just blows my mind meth users go on binges for years and i take one bad drug and get fucked like this. i just want my life back and will do anything, ive already learned my lesson the hard away and just hope to god its not forever, im a good person and got fucked over for a couple bucks. if u do reply plz check back again cuz i WILL reply back and love to discuss it further.

if ANYONE could reach out, reply even pm me it would mean the world. thanks, god bless and be safe.
 
When it comes to ingesting chemicals, especially unknown ones, it's understandable to be hysterical with concern.
However, when it comes to the process of healing and regrowth, negativity will hinder and eventually stop this process; especially fearing the worst.
I had an overdose on Tramadol over 3years ago and broke into a seizure. For the next few years my life wasn't enjoyable like it used to be because I was worrying myself to the edge of a cliff and was constantly looking all the way down. Always thinking to myself "Could today be the day??". It got to the point where I was terrified of being in the road, walking up stairs, anywhere you DO NOT want to be for a seizure. All this hype and worry of something that is ultimately out of my control started fucking with my synapses and I would get these almost knee-jerk like reactions whenever I thought about it. It was really scary.
I got through it though. By concentrating my thoughts with more intent and positivity, those negative thought-compulsions began to vanish and so did my detached outlook and fear. The mind is in a fragile state when it's in recovery, it needs full-time conscious care and tending to; taking a step back, looking at your big picture and making adjustments when necessary is key.
You need to reconnect with your true self, someone that you lose contact with after periods of abuse. Then you will be able to taste life just like you used to, my friend.
 
HeWhoHowls said:
When it comes to ingesting chemicals, especially unknown ones, it's understandable to be hysterical with concern.
However, when it comes to the process of healing and regrowth, negativity will hinder and eventually stop this process; especially fearing the worst.
I had an overdose on Tramadol over 3years ago and broke into a seizure. For the next few years my life wasn't enjoyable like it used to be because I was worrying myself to the edge of a cliff and was constantly looking all the way down. Always thinking to myself "Could today be the day??". It got to the point where I was terrified of being in the road, walking up stairs, anywhere you DO NOT want to be for a seizure. All this hype and worry of something that is ultimately out of my control started fucking with my synapses and I would get these almost knee-jerk like reactions whenever I thought about it. It was really scary.
I got through it though. By concentrating my thoughts with more intent and positivity, those negative thought-compulsions began to vanish and so did my detached outlook and fear. The mind is in a fragile state when it's in recovery, it needs full-time conscious care and tending to; taking a step back, looking at your big picture and making adjustments when necessary is key.
You need to reconnect with your true self, someone that you lose contact with after periods of abuse. Then you will be able to taste life just like you used to, my friend.
Click to expand...

ty for ur reply. im gonna be optimistic cuz stressing n worrying being depressed about it is just gonna make it worse. im just so depressed n shameful cuz 1. im so dumb for ingesting unknown untested shit n so much of it even after knowing it was bs and 2. b/c of course my symptoms i mentioned n losing my number one true loves n passions. and 3 the fact of not knowing if its permanent or not. like id be hopeful if i knew 100 percent i can be healed but its the fact i dont actually know when and if i can be, like i can be optimistic but i wont REALLY know until im actually cured which is who knows when and if it actually happens. just sucks thinking my life can hit a complete 180 overnight n i can just blame myself for being ignorant, once i knew the drugs were bad i could have stopped and been living my normal life. but now im like this, its crazy how some people can go on meth binges for years mixing drugs like theres no tomoro n turn out fine n i take one bad one n get fucked up.
 
I ingested what was supposed to be mdma but at that time I was careless and didn't know anything about harm reduction. This was December 2012 and I don't want to speculate what it was but it could be an number of chemicals or could have been research chemicals as well. I had so much weird thing happening to my body and the worst feeling was always feeling like I am on a boat falling off which I couldn't shake off. It is now 2014 of last month of September and I still have a feelings of floatiness but it is mild. You have to believe that this is not permanent, it is hard to be positive but I know for sure that our bodies/brains recover, at least I have. I was one of those who thought I would never recover but here I am, full of energy and positivity. There are tough days but that is part of life. I have accepted the mistakes I made and learned from them and one thing is to not abuse drugs like I have. You will recover, that is what you need to think of and live a healthy life.
 
mike55 said:
1. im so dumb for ingesting unknown untested shit n so much of it even after knowing it was bs
Click to expand...
Don't think that way. That's part of the negativity tricking you into imposing those barriers in your mind to keep you from getting better.
Anyone can make stupid decisions, but that doesn't label them permanently.
Maya hit it right on the spot when he/she (sorry, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet.) mentioned the power of belief. When used positively, it can cause the human being to do extraordinary and so-called impossible things. However, when used negatively, it can keep the strongest person from taking action. Your belief in your "stupidity" will keep any positive progress from making way. Belief is the great liberator and oppressor. Use it with care.

2. b/c of course my symptoms I mentioned n losing my number one true loves n passions
Click to expand...
Nothing can be lost forever, that's the temporary aspect of the human condition. If you have made that 180 in the wrong direction, there is nothing to say that it would be impossible to do it again in the correct direction.

3 the fact of not knowing if its permanent or not.
Click to expand...
The human brain is an amazing collection of cells. What's even more amazing is the human consciousness that dictates the processes and development of those cells. The phrase "mind over matter" always pops in my head when I think about the unlimited power and potential that all minds/spirits contain. That power of belief I mentioned earlier is the base in which the mind and spirit build the momentum needed to make the changes in life you so desperately seek.
Whether it is permanent or not, severe or not, difficult or not, you must believe.
Believe in your future.
Believe in your body.
Believe in your self.

Where there is a will, there is a way...
 
HeWhoHowls said:
Don't think that way. That's part of the negativity tricking you into imposing those barriers in your mind to keep you from getting better.
Anyone can make stupid decisions, but that doesn't label them permanently.
Maya hit it right on the spot when he/she (sorry, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet.) mentioned the power of belief. When used positively, it can cause the human being to do extraordinary and so-called impossible things. However, when used negatively, it can keep the strongest person from taking action. Your belief in your "stupidity" will keep any positive progress from making way. Belief is the great liberator and oppressor. Use it with care.


Nothing can be lost forever, that's the temporary aspect of the human condition. If you have made that 180 in the wrong direction, there is nothing to say that it would be impossible to do it again in the correct direction.


The human brain is an amazing collection of cells. What's even more amazing is the human consciousness that dictates the processes and development of those cells. The phrase "mind over matter" always pops in my head when I think about the unlimited power and potential that all minds/spirits contain. That power of belief I mentioned earlier is the base in which the mind and spirit build the momentum needed to make the changes in life you so desperately seek.
Whether it is permanent or not, severe or not, difficult or not, you must believe.
Believe in your future.
Believe in your body.
Believe in your self.

Where there is a will, there is a way...
Click to expand...

wow well said, ty so much. im gonna start believing n trusting i will get better even if its just wishful thinking, cause ill heal better n quicker n be more happy overall instead of dwelling n living in shame n regret. i learned my lesson forsure, this is just going to be a huge wake up call and life lesson but ill come out 10x stronger. one thing is, i just wish i knew wht was factually wrong with me n wondering if ill ever get an answer, like some type of scan or test or explanation. either my sertogenic system is miscommunicating, nuerotransmitters severely damaged or destroyed/axons burnt out or wht. those r the only hypothesis i can come up with as all my symptoms seem to be seretonin/dopamine related. idk if i want my eeg or mri to show something cuz then tht means it could be worse than i thought but atleast knw wht it is or if it doesnt show anything i have more tests done n hopefully they dont give up on me n think "welp no tissue damage, ur fine here is some anti depressants" idk wht can show damage on a cellular level,i heard dti scans can and pet scans can show nuerotransmitter activity so hopefully if nothin shows up on my other scans they will do those. im just doubtful cuz they r so expensive n rarely done for my condition but who knows ill hope for the best
 
Spot on dude :)
let the positivity flow!
the world didn't lose it's flavor, you just lost your tastebuds...

Belief will get you further than facts will. Even if you did find out, you are completely aware of your present condition and know that it needs to change. Finding out the diagnostic details of the situation won't change it, only you can. It's time to start the change now regardless of the cold hard facts.
 
HeWhoHowls said:
Spot on dude :)
let the positivity flow!
the world didn't lose it's flavor, you just lost your tastebuds...

Belief will get you further than facts will. Even if you did find out, you are completely aware of your present condition and know that it needs to change. Finding out the diagnostic details of the situation won't change it, only you can. It's time to start the change now regardless of the cold hard facts.
Click to expand...

im bein optimistic but im reading up on nerve damage n its sayin its irreversible n the cns cant recover ;(
 
Why bother yourself with searching for the worst??
In my opinion in regards to mental health, your spiritual mind will overcome any disability in the physical mind.
Focus more on how you feel, your body is the greatest measurer of all.
If you search for the worst, you will find it.
 
Mike,

As others have said, panic & worry are only bringing more negativity. Understandably ur very concerned, but the brain is a wonderful organ, given time and healing.

The cns can recover, if u really need to google look up neuroplasticity.

I know u feel it's serotonin/dopamine related, and I'm just throwing this out there, but some of ur symptoms, & again I don't want to speculate, but theres a neurological condition I had called Labyrinthitis after bingeing one time.

It took a trip to ER and a neurologist to diagnose and assure me it will go away at some point. It was bloody scary, but after a few mths it DID go away.

Have u thought of consulting someone, or are you scared to admit you don't know what you took?

Breathe easy,

Rtp
 
I've learned that one of the absolute hardest things in life is learning to trust everything that you feel. It may sound crazy but when you can learn to trust that no one feeling is going to last forever and that each one informs your life in some way, you can relax your grip and regain faith in yourself. I read a great poem about that. Here it is:

The Promise

Mysteriously they entered, those few minutes.
Mysteriously, they left.
As if the great dog of confusion guarding my heart,
who is always sleepless, suddenly slept.
It was not any awakening of the large, not so much as that,
only a stepping back from the petty.
I gazed at the range of blue mountains,
I drank from the stream. Tossed in a small stone from the bank.
Whatever direction the fates of my life might travel, I trusted.
Even the greedy direction, even the grieving, trusted.
There was nothing left to be saved from, bliss nor danger.
The dog's tail wagged a little in his dream.

Jane Hirschfield
 
mike55 said:
im bein optimistic but im reading up on nerve damage n its sayin its irreversible n the cns cant recover ;(
Click to expand...

What the hell are you reading?
The wiki article on CNS diseases doesn't include drug abuse among the causes section.
One example of irreversible nerve damage of the CNS is Paraplegia which is caused by physical spinal cord injury and has nothing to do with drugs.
It seems to me you are reading up on topics you have no understanding of and confusing different concepts, which is not helping you.
 
Runtoparadise said:
Mike,

As others have said, panic & worry are only bringing more negativity. Understandably ur very concerned, but the brain is a wonderful organ, given time and healing.

The cns can recover, if u really need to google look up neuroplasticity.

I know u feel it's serotonin/dopamine related, and I'm just throwing this out there, but some of ur symptoms, & again I don't want to speculate, but theres a neurological condition I had called Labyrinthitis after bingeing one time.

It took a trip to ER and a neurologist to diagnose and assure me it will go away at some point. It was bloody scary, but after a few mths it DID go away.

Have u thought of consulting someone, or are you scared to admit you don't know what you took?

Breathe easy,

Rtp
Click to expand...

i looked up labyrinthitis n thts some type of ear infection?...

n ive consulted people already nuerologists etc n ive already mentioned above idk wht i took
 
InsGrat said:
What the hell are you reading?
The wiki article on CNS diseases doesn't include drug abuse among the causes section.
One example of irreversible nerve damage of the CNS is Paraplegia which is caused by physical spinal cord injury and has nothing to do with drugs.
It seems to me you are reading up on topics you have no understanding of and confusing different concepts, which is not helping you.
Click to expand...

ive read tons of atricles all agreeing to the same thing, yes the brain is nueroplastic but to a degree it heals the peripheral nervous system but not the cns. this is what the hell im reading

http://biomed.brown.edu/Courses/BI1...ve_Regeneration/Introduction/Introduction.htm

its a cited fact checked description of nerve regeneration from an honors level program from a University specializing in Biology not a wiki article.
 
Runtoparadise said:
Mike,

As others have said, panic & worry are only bringing more negativity. Understandably ur very concerned, but the brain is a wonderful organ, given time and healing.

The cns can recover, if u really need to google look up neuroplasticity.

I know u feel it's serotonin/dopamine related, and I'm just throwing this out there, but some of ur symptoms, & again I don't want to speculate, but theres a neurological condition I had called Labyrinthitis after bingeing one time.

It took a trip to ER and a neurologist to diagnose and assure me it will go away at some point. It was bloody scary, but after a few mths it DID go away.

Have u thought of consulting someone, or are you scared to admit you don't know what you took?

Breathe easy,

Rtp
Click to expand...

ive definately looked up nueroplasticity but tht seems to only help the peripheral nervous system not central nervous system.
http://biomed.brown.edu/Courses/BI1...ve_Regeneration/Introduction/Introduction.htm
 
Believe it or not, I think your not really seriously damaged and will actually be okay and might even be able to return to weed again. I think that as someone else said if you get in touch with who you were before this incident I think that you'll be back to your old self to some degree
 
LandsUnknown said:
Believe it or not, I think your not really seriously damaged and will actually be okay and might even be able to return to weed again. I think that as someone else said if you get in touch with who you were before this incident I think that you'll be back to your old self to some degree
Click to expand...

what makes u think im not seriously damaged...? this isnt just a mind over matter incident thts all in my head i just gotta get in touch with how i used to be, im the same person and mindset did u read my symptoms? i have 0 sensation at orgasm even though my mindset is to feel good and weed does NOT cause a weed high, n im a stoner i know everything about wht weed does n wht a high is. its not a weed high, im not a newbie tweeking out "too high"or paranoid like something is nuerologically wrong, my eyes dilate i passout n feel Terrible, a opiate like wired tingling feeling not stoned or high.
 
mike55 said:
what makes u think im not seriously damaged...? this isnt just a mind over matter incident thts all in my head i just gotta get in touch with how i used to be, im the same person and mindset did u read my symptoms? i have 0 sensation at orgasm even though my mindset is to feel good and weed does NOT cause a weed high, n im a stoner i know everything about wht weed does n wht a high is. its not a weed high, im not a newbie tweeking out "too high"or paranoid like something is nuerologically wrong, my eyes dilate i passout n feel Terrible, a opiate like wired tingling feeling not stoned or high.
Click to expand...

The zero sensation at orgasm is pretty strange and seems to be obviously more than psychological, you should get that checked out for sure now that you mention it again, it does sound like maybe somebody dosed you with something toxic. Maybe rat poison or something of the like was in the molly you had
 
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