I am looking for advice on where to go from here. This initially started as a poly drug addiction thread that the moderator closed. But I'm trying to handle my pain issues and I'm terrified of being addicted and/or *hopelessly* dependent (I have a history with alcohol, only). As I've been going along this path I've been posting advice always looking for any suggestions. So this is a repost of sorts since the moderator closed that thread.
Well, either I'm poly drug dependent or I'm getting out of my fentanyl dependence, potential addiction, for sure. OR both. I've gone from using fentanyl 24/7 at a higher dose (of 50mcg/hr) to zero. I've "replaced" this with one week of oxymorphone use, one week of THC edibles, one week of gapapentin, and one week of nothing for a given month (so I'm not constantly "high" which I never am anyway due to tolerance). The number of cookies I eat a given day can vary from 1 to 6 due to lake of consistency between batches and tolerance. The first times were fantastic BTW both in terms of pain relief and in terms of the psychedelic effect (and the side effects of anxiety of paranoia). I became comfortably numb (but pain free without opiates). (If you've not figured it out I obviously am not a big user of THC and can safely say I've never inhaled out of a pipe or a bong, a vapouriser is another story entirely, probably had the most psychedelic experience with that a few years back once.)
People underestimate how hard it is to get out of using a strongly physically dependent substance FOREVER (I actually right now seem to be able to say this which I couldn't a few months back so this is a big deal). I can taper down near religously but the acute WD isn't the only problem. There's a psychological effect (and what is the distinction between psychological and physical?) that lasts much longer and randomly pops up. I recognise mild (psychological?) WD in myself reliably and know what it is I'm acting on so I'm self aware. My WD tends to have a tinnitus like ringing in my ears and when I move my head, it feels like something's moving in there. It's not painful or anything, just off putting and distracting and annoying.
It's THIS WD (the so called "little monster") that's the problem in any addiction I think. It's like a constant nagging annoying feeling and when you take the drug it goes away providing relief of a problem the drug caused in the first place. Ergo, addiction progresses.
With opiates, as many of you probably know, you can just go up forever. I didn't want to end up like that. With gabapentin, this is impossible. Within days I can go from 2g of gabapentin to 20g and the 2g was far more effective. So I have to stop. With THC, I feel the mild WD. It's similar to alcohol WD but perhaps less weak but I can see THC being as addictive as alcohol for SOME people (but obviously not at all as harmful---I think THC is a very safe chemical to take esp. if it's not smoked). I myself feel the odd mix of anxiety and paranoia from using THC to the relaxed feelings to not be a very compelling cry (unlike alcohol, it sensitises you to feelings and music and everything---I love to listen to music or eat food while on THC). THC has saved my appetite which was NONEXISTENT on fentanyl.
And I've started to truly enjoy my week "clean". If this feeling continues then I think I will be able to get out of the woods which my goal. The "woods" is the notion that you feel helplessly dependent on a substance, be it WD, pain, stress, or some complex combination. I believe as you grow older, your happy chemicals naturally are diminished (look at the difference between kids and adults) and some might require a balance adjustment. I believe many older people self medicate for this reason.
So I'm not sure what to do now. I've developed tolerance to THC and I've decided to try lyrica. I could live with only gabapentin if it would "work" long enough. I'm not dependent on gabapentin for sure. I'm mildly dependent on THC for sure using it the way I am. I've tested this empircally. It's only when I stop THC that I get the mild WD I describe above, not when I stop gabapentin.
Painwise, my spinal pain has gone up since I got off the opiates and the other things have been only mildly helpful. I have to remember to take ibuprofen constantly (unlike the fentanyl patches which were constantly available). The tolerance I've developed to THC is unfortunate since it lasts far longer than 2-3 weeks and this switching around isn't so effective for it (whereas it's highly effective for both the opiates and gabapentin --- I right now feel very very very nauseated on the very lowest doses of oxymorphone now when I first start). My pain and other things have gone up enough for my doctor to revisit the condition that caused it since I should've been cured by now.
But overall, doing this, I've gotten happier. I was starting to get really miserable being on the fentanyl realising the inevitable trap I was walking into as my spine was healing. You guys know what I mean, the trap of addiction? You can see it coming and feel helpless to stop it? Well, I feel I have at the very least blocked it and more so, I'm going away from the addiction trap.
People can search my username to figure out why I want to get off the opiates like this.
All advice is greatly appreciated.
(I also have a question about THC: I can never smoke it but for those who do, do you guys calibrate your tolerance through how you smoke/inale it? I mean with the edibles, once you eat it, it's in you... it takes two hours to show up so I tended to overdo it and only now I'm slowly learning to spread it out over a day but my guess is that among those of you who smoke it, you are able to do this much better? Is there anyway I can do the same with edibles? A combination of tinctures and edibles? I don't like the inconvenience of tinctures either. Even the edibles are a PITA since they're so sweet all the time but an opana pill takes a second to pop in. Sorry that's just laziness but I'm open to good suggestions that do not involve smoking pot. I did try electronic cigarettes mixed with hash oil and it lead to a harsh inhaling.)
Well, either I'm poly drug dependent or I'm getting out of my fentanyl dependence, potential addiction, for sure. OR both. I've gone from using fentanyl 24/7 at a higher dose (of 50mcg/hr) to zero. I've "replaced" this with one week of oxymorphone use, one week of THC edibles, one week of gapapentin, and one week of nothing for a given month (so I'm not constantly "high" which I never am anyway due to tolerance). The number of cookies I eat a given day can vary from 1 to 6 due to lake of consistency between batches and tolerance. The first times were fantastic BTW both in terms of pain relief and in terms of the psychedelic effect (and the side effects of anxiety of paranoia). I became comfortably numb (but pain free without opiates). (If you've not figured it out I obviously am not a big user of THC and can safely say I've never inhaled out of a pipe or a bong, a vapouriser is another story entirely, probably had the most psychedelic experience with that a few years back once.)
People underestimate how hard it is to get out of using a strongly physically dependent substance FOREVER (I actually right now seem to be able to say this which I couldn't a few months back so this is a big deal). I can taper down near religously but the acute WD isn't the only problem. There's a psychological effect (and what is the distinction between psychological and physical?) that lasts much longer and randomly pops up. I recognise mild (psychological?) WD in myself reliably and know what it is I'm acting on so I'm self aware. My WD tends to have a tinnitus like ringing in my ears and when I move my head, it feels like something's moving in there. It's not painful or anything, just off putting and distracting and annoying.
It's THIS WD (the so called "little monster") that's the problem in any addiction I think. It's like a constant nagging annoying feeling and when you take the drug it goes away providing relief of a problem the drug caused in the first place. Ergo, addiction progresses.
With opiates, as many of you probably know, you can just go up forever. I didn't want to end up like that. With gabapentin, this is impossible. Within days I can go from 2g of gabapentin to 20g and the 2g was far more effective. So I have to stop. With THC, I feel the mild WD. It's similar to alcohol WD but perhaps less weak but I can see THC being as addictive as alcohol for SOME people (but obviously not at all as harmful---I think THC is a very safe chemical to take esp. if it's not smoked). I myself feel the odd mix of anxiety and paranoia from using THC to the relaxed feelings to not be a very compelling cry (unlike alcohol, it sensitises you to feelings and music and everything---I love to listen to music or eat food while on THC). THC has saved my appetite which was NONEXISTENT on fentanyl.
And I've started to truly enjoy my week "clean". If this feeling continues then I think I will be able to get out of the woods which my goal. The "woods" is the notion that you feel helplessly dependent on a substance, be it WD, pain, stress, or some complex combination. I believe as you grow older, your happy chemicals naturally are diminished (look at the difference between kids and adults) and some might require a balance adjustment. I believe many older people self medicate for this reason.
So I'm not sure what to do now. I've developed tolerance to THC and I've decided to try lyrica. I could live with only gabapentin if it would "work" long enough. I'm not dependent on gabapentin for sure. I'm mildly dependent on THC for sure using it the way I am. I've tested this empircally. It's only when I stop THC that I get the mild WD I describe above, not when I stop gabapentin.
Painwise, my spinal pain has gone up since I got off the opiates and the other things have been only mildly helpful. I have to remember to take ibuprofen constantly (unlike the fentanyl patches which were constantly available). The tolerance I've developed to THC is unfortunate since it lasts far longer than 2-3 weeks and this switching around isn't so effective for it (whereas it's highly effective for both the opiates and gabapentin --- I right now feel very very very nauseated on the very lowest doses of oxymorphone now when I first start). My pain and other things have gone up enough for my doctor to revisit the condition that caused it since I should've been cured by now.
But overall, doing this, I've gotten happier. I was starting to get really miserable being on the fentanyl realising the inevitable trap I was walking into as my spine was healing. You guys know what I mean, the trap of addiction? You can see it coming and feel helpless to stop it? Well, I feel I have at the very least blocked it and more so, I'm going away from the addiction trap.
People can search my username to figure out why I want to get off the opiates like this.
All advice is greatly appreciated.
(I also have a question about THC: I can never smoke it but for those who do, do you guys calibrate your tolerance through how you smoke/inale it? I mean with the edibles, once you eat it, it's in you... it takes two hours to show up so I tended to overdo it and only now I'm slowly learning to spread it out over a day but my guess is that among those of you who smoke it, you are able to do this much better? Is there anyway I can do the same with edibles? A combination of tinctures and edibles? I don't like the inconvenience of tinctures either. Even the edibles are a PITA since they're so sweet all the time but an opana pill takes a second to pop in. Sorry that's just laziness but I'm open to good suggestions that do not involve smoking pot. I did try electronic cigarettes mixed with hash oil and it lead to a harsh inhaling.)
