Mental Health Help ;( Am I that worthless? What do I do?

[cobaltblue]

Hi. It's my second time to visit this site. I don't really see any therapist nor am I prescribed any drugs. I'm not even sure if this is the right forum for this kind of stuff but if you have any comments on it, I'd really appreciate it.

It's actually about my mother who I currently live with. Most of my life, I haven't really lived with her. I lived mostly with my grandparents as my parents are divorced and both of them got re-married and moved out, etc. I moved away for college and so I really haven't spent much time with neither of my parents. My father passed away 7 years ago.

My grandmother is in a nursing home now. I had to move back with my mother 3 yrs ago because I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. She's been single since divorcing her second husband. So I had to quit my job that I loved and moved back in with her. I didn't work for about 2 yrs since I was always visiting the doctors. So I do have a lot to thank my mother for helping me prepare food and letting me stay under her roof (which is actually my grandmother's house). I was then diagnosed with cancer so I was in and out of the hospital this past year and am finally slowly recovering and have been working part-time since July. I plan on working full-time after December after some results come in so I know that I'm good to go to start work. So I do bring in income and I use it to buy my own clothes and for going out to a nearby café to read books and to buy food.

My issue is with my mother. I just don't get along with her and I feel very bad about the way I feel about her. I was physically abused by her as a child but that stopped when she was ordered to take anger management classes. So, the abuse did stop.

She's always had a problem with being organized and clean, and I don't know if I'm just not careful about stuff or what but even if she sees a piece of hair on the ground, she gets absolutely paranoid and vaccums the entire house. She does it in a way that she panics and her whole body shakes and it's sort of scary being around her. She has to have things done at the time she wants them done. It just cannot wait. If it's not done at that time she wants it done, she gets crazy. She starts throwing fits and yells and screams. My dog gets really scared and comes to me for help. I felt bad and was helping her at the beginning but I just started realizing that the woman will always complain about something regardless. I've tried contributing and helping by doing laundry and stuff, but she has to have it folded exactly the way she wants it. I've received so many complains that I eventually just stopped folding clothes. She tells me I'm worthless and that I never do anything around the house. I do help but she throws fits and panics and shakes when it's just not done the way she wants it done. She wants certain clothes on a certain colored hanger. If it's not hung where she wants it hung, she again throws fits. I have to admit, I get the chills and I don't like these chills that I get. I sometimes do forget to, for example, bring out a new tissue box and put it on the table. I don’t do it on purpose. I just simply forgot to put a new one out. She gets extremely paranoid and her yelling and panics start again. She again says I’m worthless.

If she's having a good day like if her friends talked to her or if somebody said something to her or something like that, she's in an incredibly good mood and she won't throw any fits but all that can change in an instant. Everything will be fine until something triggers her and out of the blue, she's yelling. Lately, I don’t even want to eat on the same table as her. I just don’t like looking at her face. It’s scary and I don’t enjoy eating my meals.

She tells me to stop going outside on days I don't work, but I have to go outside. I just can't stand staying home and seeing my mother's face. It brings me so down, so I go out and read books early in the mornings and have a cup of hot coffee. It makes me feel better. She thinks I'm just wasting money but it's not like I go shopping and it's my own money I use. When I'm home, I'm usually in my room. She complains that I'm in my room.

She throws stuff and I just don't know about her.....I hate to say it, but I don't think I really like the woman....and I feel bad for feeling this way because it shouldn't be this way. I'm actually a very caring and very understanding person but I feel like crap, seriously. If I don't take a shower when she wants me to take a shower, she throws a tantrum.

Even when the doctor called my mother and I in to tell my mother that I have cancer, she went right ahead and told him that her knee was sore. When she has the flu, she doesn't care if she spreads it to me. She'll come near me and I don't know if she does this intentionally, but it's terrible, really.

I feel that if you don't have a good relationship with either of your parents, your life will not go in the right direction. I want to do what's right but I just don't know how to handle her. I feel like my heart just doesn’t care about her and that’s horrible She complains that I don't cook, she complains that I don't help, and she complains about my clothes and the shoes I wear which I buy with my own money, but when I try to cook something for her or help around the house, she turns around and complains about the food and she will not eat it, she will tell me not to help. She will complain that I’ve wasted utility charges for cooking. I’m not a bad cook, either. I have cooked for friends and they love my cooking. I ask if she needs help in the yard because I know she has a bad back so I want to help but she tells me to get away but yet, she tells me that I don't help at all. So the neighbors think I'm this horrible daughter that is just a douche bag. It's like a psychological torture to me. But yet, she knows exactly how to make me feel guilty and worthless. I really need help

Sorry to have posted something this long. And I am just stressing out today because I get results for my cancer screening tomorrow and I am so nervous and anxious about it. I just want to cry. My mother just threw all my shoes out the door and my clothes down the stairs.

 

[Jimzip]

Hey Cobaltblue,

Just figured I may as well reply to this with some advice, and even if it only helps you a little, well, it's better than nothing.

First of all, you need to learn how not to blame yourself for problems out of your control. If you overly worry about things that are said or done, especially when they are foreseeable or out of your control, you will only throw yourself into a spiral of worry and self-blame and trust me, it's not worth it. Just because people tend to like to blame you for stuff, doesn't mean that you warrant the blame and it is generally best to pay as little attention to it as humanly possible. Trust me, I know the feeling. I'm sure your folks are decent folks, it's hardly your fault if they've got (apparent) OCD.

At risk of sounding cheesy as hell, you shape your own life and by putting such a downer on it you're only setting yourself a low standard, when you're clearly a decent lass and you needn't think about life that way. Mold your own future. Don't go thinking of yourself as stupid or worthless, as we say here in the UK, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll go its whole life thinking it's stupid.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't try medication, because I'm not qualified to make that judgement, but I would suggest that if you're feeling horrendous already that SSRI drugs may make you feel even worse to start with (it's a common side effect). Truth be told, and assuming it's just for the short-term, you may find that benzodiazepines can help you keep stress at bay. If you'd rather stay clear of drugs (which is the best idea if you're feeling low), then just speak to people about it, even if it's just us bluelighters ;-)

Let us all know how you get on, and remember, even just speaking to random strangers like us can help you lift what may feel like a burden off your shoulders. All the best.

 

[cobaltblue]

Hi Jimzip

Thanks so much for taking the time out to respond. It's much appreciated. Thanks. It got me feeling a little better than before.

So, you would think my mother has OCD...? I actually have thought so, too, but was thinking maybe they were just panic attacks, but perhaps it really is OCD. That would really explain her behavior.

Yes, I would actually like to stay away from taking drugs especially because I've taken a lot of medication in the past (due to physical illness). But I just hate this phase? I don't know what you call it, but I'm just feeling really down and just don't know how to get out of it. At the moment, I don't feel like meeting or hanging out with anyone, although I do enjoy just texting my friends. I don't feel like talking to them over the phone, either.

What do you do when you normally feel down? What kind of things uplift you?

 

[T. Calderone]

Your mother is a very unhappy person, no doubt about that. You have to put yourself first especially since you've been ill. I hope your cancer screening goes well tomorrow and you can decide from there how to move on. It is sad that your mother cannot empathise with you, and instead is so negative. Unfortunately, people like this don't easily change and it seems she's been this way for a long time.

The best advice I have is get into some therapy so you can learn how to deal with your mother's abuse. I don't understand why she threw your clothes and shoes around, that's really mean. It would be ideal if she got therapy as well or family counseling. If she is not receptive to this idea, you will have to move on alone. Does she ever have nice things to say or compliment you at all? I don't blame you for not having loving feelings towards her as it must be really hard to live with someone so negative.

 

[nuttynutskin]

My issue is with my mother. I just don't get along with her and I feel very bad about the way I feel about her. I was physically abused by her as a child but that stopped when she was ordered to take anger management classes. So, the abuse did stop.

You mean the physical abuse stopped...

She's always had a problem with being organized and clean, and I don't know if I'm just not careful about stuff or what but even if she sees a piece of hair on the ground, she gets absolutely paranoid and vaccums the entire house. She does it in a way that she panics and her whole body shakes and it's sort of scary being around her. She has to have things done at the time she wants them done. It just cannot wait. If it's not done at that time she wants it done, she gets crazy. She starts throwing fits and yells and screams. My dog gets really scared and comes to me for help. I felt bad and was helping her at the beginning but I just started realizing that the woman will always complain about something regardless. I've tried contributing and helping by doing laundry and stuff, but she has to have it folded exactly the way she wants it. I've received so many complains that I eventually just stopped folding clothes. She tells me I'm worthless and that I never do anything around the house. I do help but she throws fits and panics and shakes when it's just not done the way she wants it done. She wants certain clothes on a certain colored hanger. If it's not hung where she wants it hung, she again throws fits. I have to admit, I get the chills and I don't like these chills that I get. I sometimes do forget to, for example, bring out a new tissue box and put it on the table. I don’t do it on purpose. I just simply forgot to put a new one out. She gets extremely paranoid and her yelling and panics start again. She again says I’m worthless.

I have dealt with this with the family member I live with although only on a minor degree compared to what it sounds like you go through. Not usually yelling or throwing fits, but more just always being made to feel like what I was doing wasn't good enough. Best example I could think of is when I would do housework. I was never really complimented unless I mentioned how clean the house was, and quite often I would get bitched at while I was trying to clean for really petty things like leaving something out while I was still in the process.

Eventually it got so bad I basically just gave up cleaning up any mess that wasn't mine since I never did a good enough job, so said relative ended up getting a maid which was fine with me lol. It was still really stupid that they couldn't see the real reason that I had given up trying. In their minds I just became a lazy sack of shit, but the reality was I just got fed up with the bitching when I was trying to help out. I've also noticed at times when they cleaned or rearranged things they would act really anxious but not quite to the point of shaking.

When I'm home, I'm usually in my room. She complains that I'm in my room.

I can totally relate to that to... It's like WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M IN MY ROOM???

She throws stuff and I just don't know about her.....I hate to say it, but I don't think I really like the woman....and I feel bad for feeling this way because it shouldn't be this way. I'm actually a very caring and very understanding person but I feel like crap, seriously. If I don't take a shower when she wants me to take a shower, she throws a tantrum.

That's just inexcusable. You shouldn't feel bad for not liking her, I mean who would? But at the same time it doesn't even have to be about that really, just what you do to defend yourself against her abuse and not allow yourself to be a victim or enable her bullshit.

Even when the doctor called my mother and I in to tell my mother that I have cancer, she went right ahead and told him that her knee was sore. When she has the flu, she doesn't care if she spreads it to me. She'll come near me and I don't know if she does this intentionally, but it's terrible, really.

That's beyond fucked up. Sends up a red flag for Munchausen by proxy to me.

I feel that if you don't have a good relationship with either of your parents, your life will not go in the right direction. I want to do what's right but I just don't know how to handle her. I feel like my heart just doesn’t care about her and that’s horrible She complains that I don't cook, she complains that I don't help, and she complains about my clothes and the shoes I wear which I buy with my own money, but when I try to cook something for her or help around the house, she turns around and complains about the food and she will not eat it, she will tell me not to help. She will complain that I’ve wasted utility charges for cooking. I’m not a bad cook, either. I have cooked for friends and they love my cooking. I ask if she needs help in the yard because I know she has a bad back so I want to help but she tells me to get away but yet, she tells me that I don't help at all.

Parents of course play a big part in our upbringing but it's your life not theirs. It's still possible for your life to go in the right direction although obviously more difficult than if you have supportive parents. It's obvious you want to do what's right, but sometimes you just have to cut ties with people, even family members. It doesn't even necessarily mean you don't care about them, it just means you're not going to take their abuse anymore. And trust me, what you describe is abuse.

So the neighbors think I'm this horrible daughter that is just a douche bag. It's like a psychological torture to me. But yet, she knows exactly how to make me feel guilty and worthless. I really need help

Again, I can relate. Although again, not on nearly that level. What you describe is pretty classic for the victim of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Friends might not see what's wrong or even think you're the one with the problem because they are good at pretending to be "normal" when they want to be.

Sorry to have posted something this long. And I am just stressing out today because I get results for my cancer screening tomorrow and I am so nervous and anxious about it. I just want to cry. My mother just threw all my shoes out the door and my clothes down the stairs.

I would call the cops honestly because she has no right to abuse your property. That might stop at least some of the abuse like throwing your things until you can get out which I think you really need to do. I assure you that she will NOT change. By feeling guilty you're only letting her manipulate you more and in a sense enabling her behavior. Just because someone's a family member doesn't mean they're a good person unfortunately. Anyways, good luck on your results although I know that's not much consolation.

BTW, how old are you and do you have a job?

 

[Jimzip]

In reply to the previous comment, I assure you, everybody can change. I work part-time dealing with people with mental conditions such as the aforementioned, and have seen countless cases of major improvement.

Cobaltblue, I urge you to take a look at this link. Have a look at the symptoms, and let me know if you think they may correlate to any degree (the link is for OCD information, thanks to the British NHS).

Now, I FULLY relate to why you are getting down, but all you need to remember in actuality is that it is not your fault. Undoubtedly, the best thing to do is occupy yourself with your mates. Grab a coffee. Go to the cinema. Go paintballing. Go to the pub and get bloody wasted! If you've got any hobbies or interests, concentrate on excelling at them. What do you do at the present time to occupy yourself?

Secondly, and I appreciate that you may not want to discuss this for the sake of personal privacy, but I was hoping to ask if you get on well with your extended family (cousins, uncles, aunts etc) and what do they think of the situation? If they are supportive, speak to them. If not, why not? Do they know about it? Tell them.

But yeah, as before, keep letting us all know how you get on, and if you can potentially have a look at the NHS link I sent you I may be able to advise you, from experience, on the best course of action regarding your mother. There are steps you can take which may actually be mutually beneficial.

All the best, Jimzip

 

[nuttynutskin]

In reply to the previous comment, I assure you, everybody can change. I work part-time dealing with people with mental conditions such as the aforementioned, and have seen countless cases of major improvement.

Cobaltblue, I urge you to take a look at this link. Have a look at the symptoms, and let me know if you think they may correlate to any degree (the link is for OCD information, thanks to the British NHS).

No offense dude, but sometimes it's best to just cut all ties and run the opposite direction as fast as you can. I mean for fuck sake, her mom was more concerned about her sore knee than finding out her daughter had CANCER, and now she's throwing her belongings out the door the day before she's scheduled to find out the results from her screening. What she says about her mom SCREAMS narcissistic personality disorder at least, and the chances of getting someone like that to even admit they have a problem and see a therapist is slim to none because they want to be seen as superior. Even if they were to get to a therapist they would most likely just lie and manipulate the therapist.

OP, if you're of age and have the means please GET OUT. You don't deserve this kind of treatment.

 

[Jimzip]

No offense dude, but sometimes it's best to just cut all ties and run the opposite direction as fast as you can. I mean for fuck sake, her mom was more concerned about her sore knee than finding out her daughter had CANCER, and now she's throwing her belongings out the door the day before she's scheduled to find out the results from her screening. What she says about her mom SCREAMS narcissistic personality disorder at least, and the chances of getting someone like that to even admit they have a problem and see a therapist is slim to none because they want to be seen as superior. Even if they were to get to a therapist they would most likely just lie and manipulate the therapist.

OP, if you're of age and have the means please GET OUT. You don't deserve this kind of treatment.

Naturally, you're free to form your own opinion and I can see why you may believe that to be the best way out, but at the end of the day, finding a means to an end generally isn't the best solution in the long run, even if it's the easiest. For the sake of peace of mind, sometimes it's best to fight it out and collaborate with the perpetrator of your problems, in order to find a mutual solution. Leaving your family over (what are clearly from her mothers behalf) mental health issues is an easy way out, but trust me, running away never helped anybody with anything, especially when you look back and think "shit, I coulda done more".

You are right in saying that she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment, as I am sure anybody with half a braincell can conclude. This is why it is important for her, and her family (whom I am sure are also at the mercy of her mother to a lesser degree) to HELP the mother. Isolating somebody with mental health issues tends to escalate the situation as opposed to curing or mitigating it.

On a secondary note, it is actually quite hard to manipulate a decent therapist, it's not amazingly hard to tell when somebody is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Trust me. It's a good idea to see an actual therapist though, as opposed to councilors (I know that in the US where I am assuming you reside, insurance companies tend to cover them as it works out cheaper, but trust me, they have no bloody idea what they're on about half the time).

Cobaltblue, obviously you must decide what you feel is the best course of action, but take it from me that following nuttynutskins advice is probably not the best of ideas, no offense to the fella. You're more than welcome to inbox me if you want any more support. I work with people who deal with this sort of situation all the time so I'm sure we can work something out if needs be.

Yours, Jimzip

 

[nuttynutskin]

For the sake of peace of mind, sometimes it's best to fight it out and collaborate with the perpetrator of your problems, in order to find a mutual solution.

For the sake of peace of mind? Are you kidding me? She threw her shit out the door the day before she's supposed to get cancer results. She's made it pretty obvious at least if one is to believe her side that she's done everything she could to try to make things work.

Leaving your family over (what are clearly from her mothers behalf) mental health issues is an easy way out, but trust me, running away never helped anybody with anything, especially when you look back and think "shit, I coulda done more".

So would you say someone suffering from domestic violence should just stick it out and continue getting beat and sexually assaulted since they don't want to look back and think "shit, I coulda done more"? And to think, usually I'm the one accused of victim blaming. 8)

This is why it is important for her, and her family (whom I am sure are also at the mercy of her mother to a lesser degree) to HELP the mother. Isolating somebody with mental health issues tends to escalate the situation as opposed to curing or mitigating it.

How do you know what goes on with the rest of her family, and how would that escalate the situation? She'd be away from her abusive mother and be able to move on with her life. There's got to be a point where enough is enough. You seem more concerned about the abuser than the abused.

On a secondary note, it is actually quite hard to manipulate a decent therapist, it's not amazingly hard to tell when somebody is trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Trust me.

You've never dealt with a true narcissist then.

Cobaltblue, obviously you must decide what you feel is the best course of action, but take it from me that following nuttynutskins advice is probably not the best of ideas, no offense to the fella.

No, taking advice from someone who thinks you're mom just has OCD and encourages you to stay in an abusive relationship is way better advice.

I work with people who deal with this sort of situation all the time so I'm sure we can work something out if needs be.

So do you encourage these people to be abused indefinitely?

 

[Jimzip]

It is to my understanding that the beating and assaulting has come to an end, based on the OP's post. Re-read, and correct me if I am wrong.

I asked her what was going on with the rest of her family, as I am sure you would have noticed if you actually read what I typed. I mean this in a non-patronising way.

Without meaning to further patronise you, can you give me an evaluation of why you believe her mother has NPD? Egocentrism usually manifests in much more definite forms, and the vanity which comes through in narcissists doesn't tend to cease for extended periods of time, which is suggested by Cobaltblue. I just want to hear your analysis, because who knows, maybe you know more than I.

I am sure you're speaking sarcastically when you suggest that I encourage people to be abused indefinitely. It may have slipped your attention that my key interest is a remedy to a relatively complex situation, and you will find that mediation tends to work. I am not suggesting that she doesn't move out, I am suggesting that she doesn't cut contact and completely "move on" from her mother. If you genuinely believe her mother has NPD and you have the knowledge you appear to think you have of the disorder, you will fully understand why. Feel free to inbox me regarding this, as I can provide you with relatively interesting information relating to this.

Please don't accuse me of victim blaming, that's actually relatively insulting. I'm assuming you're either a relatively stubborn person (which isn't an insult, just an observation) or you've got personal reasons to believe you know best. Either way, I am sure you have plenty of experience which would be beneficial to Cobaltblue and perhaps it would be a good idea for you to elaborate on your reasoning

All the best to both of you, Jimzip

 

[nuttynutskin]

It is to my understanding that the beating and assaulting has come to an end, based on the OP's post. Re-read, and correct me if I am wrong.

You said "running away never helped anybody with anything" and I called you out on it. The example I used wasn't the OP's case, just a hypothetical case pointing out how flawed that statement is.

I asked her what was going on with the rest of her family, as I am sure you would have noticed if you actually read what I typed. I mean this in a non-patronising way.

You said... "This is why it is important for her, and her family (whom I am sure are also at the mercy of her mother to a lesser degree) to HELP the mother."

Do you know for a fact that her other family is subjected to her mother's abuse? There's a lot of cases where one particular person is singled out in situations like this.

Without meaning to further patronise you, can you give me an evaluation of why you believe her mother has NPD? Egocentrism usually manifests in much more definite forms, and the vanity which comes through in narcissists doesn't tend to cease for extended periods of time, which is suggested by Cobaltblue. I just want to hear your analysis, because who knows, maybe you know more than I.

First off I'm not a doctor so I can't diagnose someone obviously, but it's my opinion her mother fits the credentials. I live with a family member who I believe to have NPD granted on a less severe level and I've done countless hours and days of research on it. For a long time I didn't know what was wrong with them, and why a lot of times I was made to feel like I was the one with the problem.

Egocentrism is usually applied for children. But even so I don't really see how it could manifest in much more definite forms... Regarding their own opinions and interests as the most important, unable to understand other people's thoughts and opinions, unable to realize that reality might be different than how they perceive it.

As far as why I think her mother fits NPD...

As defined by the DSM-IV-TR

Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
Envies others and believes others envy him/her
Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior
Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic

I am sure you're speaking sarcastically when you suggest that I encourage people to be abused indefinitely. It may have slipped your attention that my key interest is a remedy to a relatively complex situation, and you will find that mediation tends to work. I am not suggesting that she doesn't move out, I am suggesting that she doesn't cut contact and completely "move on" from her mother. If you genuinely believe her mother has NPD and you have the knowledge you appear to think you have of the disorder, you will fully understand why. Feel free to inbox me regarding this, as I can provide you with relatively interesting information relating to this.

No, I'm not speaking sarcastically because again, it was you who said "running away never helped anybody with anything", and "especially when you look back and think "shit, I coulda done more". That's basically no more than encouraging someone to stay in an abusive situation, which this clearly is. If her mother indeed has NPD she is not going to change. She may say she is and change for a while, but I guarantee she will eventually go back to her old ways. Why wouldn't you cut contact and completely move on? By not doing that you're merely continuing to enable the abuse. But by all means, send or post your information.

Please don't accuse me of victim blaming, that's actually relatively insulting. I'm assuming you're either a relatively stubborn person (which isn't an insult, just an observation) or you've got personal reasons to believe you know best. Either way, I am sure you have plenty of experience which would be beneficial to Cobaltblue and perhaps it would be a good idea for you to elaborate on your reasoning

Ok, maybe those weren't the right words, but saying that she would think "shit, I coulda done more" if she left to me is at the very least guilt tripping.

 

[blue1995]

As a mother, I am deeply saddened by your story. Not to sound all sappy but, I really believe our children are the greatest gift ever given to us; and they are the best teachers. I feel like you kind of glossed over the part where your mother didn't raise you. What a flimsy reason, too - she remarried? My only response to that is, so?? Your children go with you everywhere, they are your family you created - I would walk through the fires of hell to have my son with me every day, and there isn't anything a man alive could offer me to change that. To walk away from one's own children is the ultimate act of selfishness. How do you know if they're ok if they're not home with you? How do you know how they feel, if they're scared or need comfort? How do you know what's happening in their life? I'm not a perfect mom. I struggle with addiction and am diagnosed with depression and PTSD. There are days I know this impacts my son, and I couldn't feel worse sometimes. One thing I've always felt is that my "issues" or whatever need to affect his life as little as possible. Those are MY problems, not his. He's not here to fix them for me or salve them or be perfect so I can feel better. His life is about HIM, I am just the support, the rock. If I'm not well it can make him feel unsafe, and that is totally unacceptable. Children have to feel safe first, to thrive. I'm fully involved in my treatment and he is in counseling, too, as well as we go to family counseling together. He has a lifeskills coach, and all the key people involved with him at school know about our family's challenges so they can bring to my attention resources, extra support for him, WHATEVER IT TAKES to help him be successful at school and learn the skills he needs to, well, have a better life than I did.
The point is, your mother is the parent, not you. If she's unwell, tough! Life sucks sometimes! When you came into the world it became her sacred duty to be as well as possible so she can support you, not the other way around. If she's not willing to do everything she can to make that happen, she's just plain unfit as a mother. I wish I knew how to tell you so you would believe me that it's NOT YOUR FAULT your mother isn't doing her job to love, support, and nourish you. I understand feeling out of control at times, angry, impatient, irritable, just plain shitty -- I have to work my ASS off everyday sometimes just to function like a normal human being. God knows I've made my mistakes but my child knows he comes first. I couldn't live with myself if I treated him in the way you describe - making it your fault, making you feel like shit, like you're not enough, you're flawed, you're a burden or you have to fix me just to be safe in your own home - and over the fucking laundry or a Kleenex box. Fuck that shit. It's not ok.
If she decides to get help and include you, I can already tell you'll be there for her, and that's good, you're a good child to want to support your mother. But you can't carry all the burden. You can point her in the right direction but she has to take the steps for herself to get well or she's just going to continue to drag you down with her, that's just what that is. Just try to remember it's not your fault your mom isn't doing her job. There's something wrong with her, not you, and you didn't come to this earth to fix it but to live your life.
I'd like to say more but I'm tired and need to sleep. Just please be encouraged to keep on living the way you see fit. Don't let your mom's shit attitude stop you. Some kids just get a crap deal when it comes to parents but that doesn't have to be a handicap forever - remember everyone is going through something, nobody's life is perfect no matter what it might look like from the outside. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and if you just don't ever give up on yourself, don't take the dumb shit your mom is doing to heart, you'll be ok. Sometimes we have to walk through life with no encouragement from the ones we think we need most, but if you keep putting one foot in front of the other you'll get where you want to go and you might be amazed who you find along the way.

 

[nuttynutskin]

I would recommend to the OP to watch this all the way through, although I'm not sure if she'll be back. He has a lot of other good videos on the subject as well.