well, it sounds like you are addicted. it seems many people (including myself) deny their addiction by saying that they can go without it, and saying "i only use drugs for the experience." i was like this, in that my drugs of choice (acid, coke, rolls) were used only "for the experience." but i find the experience is the first time you use it. once you use it, you know what it does, and therefore isn't for the experience, but to fill an empty need or desire you have by using over and over. i found for me personally, i was using these things all the time, and until a few months after stopping, didn't realize that while i said i was just an experimental user, i was a borderline junkie.
things like meth i believe can cause some major long term health issues, ranging from severe depression and anxiety to heart problems and what not. the road to sobriety for many things can be hell in general, as it sure was for me. but i find the best way for me to stop was to fill the experiences and times i associated with using drugs to something else, or try to experience it sober. for example, i always got very fucked up at concerts and shows. i went to my first sober show ever, and i will always remember it as one of the BEST shows i have been to. since then, i have gone to more shows than i can count without the company of my friends molly and lucy. i also tried getting back into childhood hobbies, like pickup games of basketball, skateboarding, making music, and playing the xbox. these helped me a lot as they have helped me fill the emptiness that was once associated with using drugs.
now i have definite goals in life that have no involvement in drugs at all. i have a more uplifting view of life rather than the cynical view of life i used to have. i figure that i have the choice, "do i want to make my dreams a reality? or do i want to sit around and do drugs until i die?" for me i set a huge reach of a goal, and instead of focusing on getting high, i started focusing on that goal.
maybe set a goal for yourself, and a reach of a goal. something that you need 100% dedication in order to achieve. not results, dedication. i find that the best way to achieve these goals are with a CLEAR MIND. having a clear mind has helped me improve my relationships with family and friends, and has also made me realize that i am way beyond the level of maturity that my peers have, and even the level of maturity of some of my older family members. it also has helped me receive support from my family as they have slowly began to realize what my goal is and are on board to help me achieve it. drugs only haze the mind and put your focuses elsewhere (as you said, getting high), and distance you from those who love and care for you that will support you no matter what. and there is nothing wrong with falling short, so long as you know you put everything you had into that goal.
also, maybe tell your family about what you have done. for me, it started by me being honest with my folks back home as i told them everything i did and that i wanted to fix it. they may be disappointed, but they will always support your recovery. i have seen mental health counselors, drug addiction counselors, doctors, and reached out to anyone who could help reassure me that i could get through it. my biggest fear was that i was deep in a state of anxiety and depression, and that i had permanently put myself in this state. reassurance is a phenomenal thing that can carry you through the hardships of recovery and onto a healthy, happy lifestyle.
finally, it takes complete dedication by yourself to stop these behaviors. nobody can stop them for you. only YOU can stop it yourself. if you really want to stop using, then start deleting contacts and distancing yourself from those who enable you to use these substances. stay away from it entirely, and try to make it impossible for you to find them. find new friends, or get in touch with old ones, so that your friend group focuses on other things than getting high. this helps a lot, because if the people you hang out with spend all there time using these substances, it will be near impossible for you to get off.
good luck with everything, and maybe update your progress on here to see what others have to say. hope all goes well
