Hello, my name is nervewing
(...)
for now you can read them all here:
http://nervewing.blogspot.com/
I ran into your website yesterday because Erowid had nothing on 4 aco met I believe. I haven't got a chance to read many reports yet, what from what Iv'e seen I have to say I'm impressed by your writing, your philosophies and views and the way you express them (and someother talents, the drawings are good to). I don't know your age, but I have students in my class ranging from 18 to 22 and even some of the older ones aren't really comfortably working with simple abstract ideas yet, like keep asking how much time it's gonna cost to think of a good creative concept. If I'd point them out your blog post with the atlas of psychedelic realms imy reputation will go from "interestingly eccentric" to "jsut nod yes" in seconds. But they will also learn that paradoxes can't be just shooed away.
(BTW I recall a part of a diphenidine trip now in which my conclusion was that the fabric of reality is essentially made of self replicating paradoxes. Later I was introducing a friend to LSD and I told him about this sensation I had on that stuff and how we normally fail to see the other half of the paradox and then run into discussions with the people on the other side of it, being just too small to oversee the whole situation is a majestical combination of mutually exclusive properties. He was in the middle of his first full blown trip and asked me to explain with an example. Without hesitation I said: "well tell me first: is it night time or day time now?" "nighttime" he said. "Now sit on the moon and look back at the earth and tell me again: is it night time or day time now?" He looked at me in a way that made me immediately go "oh come on, don't look at me like I'm the first one who understands how an why and where the ballpoins went
But I' m writing this because you also strike me as feeling in some way very worried or guilty about your interests and experiments. That made more sense when I understood you're still living with your folks and probably are in your early twenties at most...
Still, i want to express the idea I have that many of these worries and other negative feelings about oneself mostly occur in
intelligent, sensitive young people and also tend to evaporate later on, when they learn that being different in this way is actually a good thing. You probably know this already and maybe even have been feeling good about it all along
(I'm just basing my ideas on you writing "WHY WHY WHY" and "WHat I poisoned myself with" instead of just "Some reasons why I love to try these substances" and "what makes tripping a lot better than getting wasted on alcohol\",just two exmplaes,I got some other indirect hints like that, but/so I could be completely wrong),. Sill, It's painful to see how in the US being different or having unusual interests seems to be very suspicious and grants the local xenophobe carte blanche to terrorize people into starting shock rock bands or shooting half their social environment and themselves just before they turn old enough to say "fuck all y'all, I'm going bowling". I'm not sure if I can base this on the initial impressions I have, but I'm going to take a chance and say you are way ahead of most people I have met, in terms of fearlessness, intellect and personality. It must feel lonely sometimes, even if you understand why and how. But you''ll be able to go and find an environment where no one is explaining why they are hungry for knowledge like this.
If your parents do find that blog, they will indeed be very worried (if not they're not your real parents heh) but they can't be other than deeply impressed by and proud of you at the same time. Don't expect them to let that shine through the worries though.
So, ahving said that I hope I don't encounter a longread about your first murder five years ago and how you like to squeeze cute kittens to death before you go to bed each night
Oh,last thing, are you the 42 substances AMA too? That would be cool because that's where the 4 aco MET on my shopimng list came from in the first place.
Coming to think of it, I hope your announced break from the blog / experimenting hasn't got something to do with problems with worried parents....but whatever it is, good luck and bon courage.
