manicmama
Bluelighter
Hi all,
I'm Claire, 27 years of age though I still act like an 18 year old at times!
I'm a regular user of illicitly obtained and prescribed medications. I stumbled across this site many times when researching combinations of things I was/am using and looking for comedown tips etc and thought I'd join.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and religiously take my prescribed lithium nightly. I have flirted with many drugs since age 14, mostly uppers. I am currently an almost daily user of street speed/base - NOT meth. Silly I know seeing as I'm bipolar but if I had a brain I'd be dangerous.
I don't drink alcohol at all as it makes me crazier than any drug I have ever used, and not crazy in a good way. I also cannot stop at just 1 drink as I have to do everything to the extreme so find it safest to abstain. I can honestly say I do not miss going crazy and day long hangovers 1 little bit.
I used to use cocaine on occassion - which rapidly turned into frequent then daily use. After a moments realisation at the money I had wasted and how the high at best lasted for me 20 minutes and then descended into the craving for more and more and when I was finally out and could not obtain more, the irritability and craving that followed just was not worth it. I've not touched the stuff in over 6 months now and do not get tempted even when friends are racking up in front of me.
I have used MDMA lovely stuff for parties - quite difficult to obtain in my neck of the woods, and even if it was widely available I doubt I would use very often. I like it, but as I said, a party drug for me.
I've tried pot, do not like, makes me feel dizzy and sick!
Then there's speed/base - I like - too much probably. I like the reduced appetite and increased energy and focus, it makes me more sociable, and lucky old me does not get a bad comedown - just a little insomnia. Which I can tolerate for a few nights by redosing the next day, however when I start looking really crappy - dark eyes etc I pop a prescribed zopiclone and prescribed clonazepam sleep a good nights sleep and have a few days off.
I have never used heroin - low doses of codeine make me so sick I refuse morphine in hospital situations and this alone has scared me off ever touching smack without the high addiction risk! Crack is another I have never bothered with and legal highs, plant food etc are others I have not been tempted to try.
I know I am foolish for abusing speed, especially being bipolar and on lithium - unfortunately it is the only thing that makes my life bearable, I won't give you all my sob story but I went through a psychotic manic episode - no drugs or drink involved - and my life got turned upside down forever.
I hope one day to be able to live a drug free life and be happy - though I will be on some form of bipolar medication for life, if not the lithium then some other mood stabiliser and/or anti psychotic. Though for the time being I'm quite happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing.
I know any drug use illegal or legal is never completely safe, but I hope to use this site to help find ways to minimise the risk of doing myself severe harm doing what I do.
If I have wrote anything I should not of done then please tell me so I don't make the same mistakes again in future posts.
Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully you will be able to answer any questions I have from time to time, or just maybe I maybe to provide a bit of helpful information!
Claire xxx
I'm Claire, 27 years of age though I still act like an 18 year old at times!
I'm a regular user of illicitly obtained and prescribed medications. I stumbled across this site many times when researching combinations of things I was/am using and looking for comedown tips etc and thought I'd join.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 and religiously take my prescribed lithium nightly. I have flirted with many drugs since age 14, mostly uppers. I am currently an almost daily user of street speed/base - NOT meth. Silly I know seeing as I'm bipolar but if I had a brain I'd be dangerous.
I don't drink alcohol at all as it makes me crazier than any drug I have ever used, and not crazy in a good way. I also cannot stop at just 1 drink as I have to do everything to the extreme so find it safest to abstain. I can honestly say I do not miss going crazy and day long hangovers 1 little bit.
I used to use cocaine on occassion - which rapidly turned into frequent then daily use. After a moments realisation at the money I had wasted and how the high at best lasted for me 20 minutes and then descended into the craving for more and more and when I was finally out and could not obtain more, the irritability and craving that followed just was not worth it. I've not touched the stuff in over 6 months now and do not get tempted even when friends are racking up in front of me.
I have used MDMA lovely stuff for parties - quite difficult to obtain in my neck of the woods, and even if it was widely available I doubt I would use very often. I like it, but as I said, a party drug for me.
I've tried pot, do not like, makes me feel dizzy and sick!
Then there's speed/base - I like - too much probably. I like the reduced appetite and increased energy and focus, it makes me more sociable, and lucky old me does not get a bad comedown - just a little insomnia. Which I can tolerate for a few nights by redosing the next day, however when I start looking really crappy - dark eyes etc I pop a prescribed zopiclone and prescribed clonazepam sleep a good nights sleep and have a few days off.
I have never used heroin - low doses of codeine make me so sick I refuse morphine in hospital situations and this alone has scared me off ever touching smack without the high addiction risk! Crack is another I have never bothered with and legal highs, plant food etc are others I have not been tempted to try.
I know I am foolish for abusing speed, especially being bipolar and on lithium - unfortunately it is the only thing that makes my life bearable, I won't give you all my sob story but I went through a psychotic manic episode - no drugs or drink involved - and my life got turned upside down forever.
I hope one day to be able to live a drug free life and be happy - though I will be on some form of bipolar medication for life, if not the lithium then some other mood stabiliser and/or anti psychotic. Though for the time being I'm quite happy with where I'm at and what I'm doing.
I know any drug use illegal or legal is never completely safe, but I hope to use this site to help find ways to minimise the risk of doing myself severe harm doing what I do.
If I have wrote anything I should not of done then please tell me so I don't make the same mistakes again in future posts.
Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully you will be able to answer any questions I have from time to time, or just maybe I maybe to provide a bit of helpful information!
Claire xxx
thanks for posting in NMI, i enjoyed reading your intro. you might want to check out 
