LostSeekerofLife
Greenlighter
Hello my name is, we'll let's just start with Ry, anyway I have read many things on blue light looking for guidance in the past and found some very inspiring things, but I have also come here to find things that may not be as healthy as I truly feel I need to be back at, so first off thank you everyone who has come here for supporting people, it reminds me that not everyone is out for themselves.
This is going to be a lengthy introduction but I feel I need to start changing and stop trying to do it alone, I'll try to be brief. M childhood was good came from a good family at first, my mom divorced my dad earlier then I can truly remember, he was around all the time until I was about 3 in preschool, I presume I was around three, but then my mom ripped him away from me lying on the papers about him being an alcoholic, wen the truth is she is a horrible alcoholic, the are both wonderful people but both with there own problems li,e anyone else, I just don't think they knew about the impact it has on kids, and I'm not saying that is the root to my problems, so from then on I was with my mother, which she was a great mom in aspect and horrible in others, she taught me to always question and seek knowledge and to not judge, but also at the same time was slowly teaching me the ways of addiction through my seeing her, a few examples being, every summer before I went into the next grade, say I was going into first grade, she would go by 2 nd grade curriculum books, and make me do 25 pages a day before I could go play, she also had me reading things I couldn't understand the deepens as I do today. but at the same time my idea of fun was army crawling under the thick bluish gray fog of the third pack of the days cigarette smoke that was in the house air, I would crawl under it picturing myself as in the army crawling under barbed wire, then sprinkling salt and pepper on her face, too see how much she could take before waking up, answer she woke up I would army crawl back upstairs in a hurry not to be noticed, the laugh my little ass off. Anyway sorry probably too much detail no one will read. I played sports until I was a freshman, but around that time isaw all the fairness in everyone all the cliques and everything like that, well I started seeing that in 6th grade, I hated it, because nay people with money the popular people hated anyone who wasn't with them, this is a small town, and we all know how small towns where, I was a popular kid at first but then I realized I hated and rebels, doings drugs,( I had all this completed, and then the auto save feature only saved half of it,so I'm afraid this second part won't be as detailed as it was first) my mom sent me to a bigger city too a bigger school for better education, big mistake let alone she dropped me with my dad and he didn't know how to be a dad, so he was more a friend no discipline really, and was never home I had free reign. I started skipping school,then I swim started selling weed and doing mushrooms everyday, all my friends thought I was crazy, then I got with the older kids and was around heroin for years before I ever did it, swim went from selling coke, doing mushrooms everyday, to ex tasty, LSd, and other hallucinogens.im lost in this country of greed, it seems like this country is just getting worse and worse st dumbing us down and enslaving us into mindless work horses. I wrote a lot more the first time but I can continue a story another time if asked, but drugs have gotten me homeless in sanfransico, and I've been down man drug addictions, now I'm tackling heroin, all I want to do is go back to old times, to where maybe I coulda helped change the world before it was too late, I want to do something great, I just need help. Anywa sorry for this rambling mess it was better the first time, but I had to re write all of it, and to be honest I'm or of pain right now so I couldn't make this message to what it was originally but if you want to know more just ask. Tank you for your time if you look and. Tank you to all the actual good people out there,of there is any left.
This is going to be a lengthy introduction but I feel I need to start changing and stop trying to do it alone, I'll try to be brief. M childhood was good came from a good family at first, my mom divorced my dad earlier then I can truly remember, he was around all the time until I was about 3 in preschool, I presume I was around three, but then my mom ripped him away from me lying on the papers about him being an alcoholic, wen the truth is she is a horrible alcoholic, the are both wonderful people but both with there own problems li,e anyone else, I just don't think they knew about the impact it has on kids, and I'm not saying that is the root to my problems, so from then on I was with my mother, which she was a great mom in aspect and horrible in others, she taught me to always question and seek knowledge and to not judge, but also at the same time was slowly teaching me the ways of addiction through my seeing her, a few examples being, every summer before I went into the next grade, say I was going into first grade, she would go by 2 nd grade curriculum books, and make me do 25 pages a day before I could go play, she also had me reading things I couldn't understand the deepens as I do today. but at the same time my idea of fun was army crawling under the thick bluish gray fog of the third pack of the days cigarette smoke that was in the house air, I would crawl under it picturing myself as in the army crawling under barbed wire, then sprinkling salt and pepper on her face, too see how much she could take before waking up, answer she woke up I would army crawl back upstairs in a hurry not to be noticed, the laugh my little ass off. Anyway sorry probably too much detail no one will read. I played sports until I was a freshman, but around that time isaw all the fairness in everyone all the cliques and everything like that, well I started seeing that in 6th grade, I hated it, because nay people with money the popular people hated anyone who wasn't with them, this is a small town, and we all know how small towns where, I was a popular kid at first but then I realized I hated and rebels, doings drugs,( I had all this completed, and then the auto save feature only saved half of it,so I'm afraid this second part won't be as detailed as it was first) my mom sent me to a bigger city too a bigger school for better education, big mistake let alone she dropped me with my dad and he didn't know how to be a dad, so he was more a friend no discipline really, and was never home I had free reign. I started skipping school,then I swim started selling weed and doing mushrooms everyday, all my friends thought I was crazy, then I got with the older kids and was around heroin for years before I ever did it, swim went from selling coke, doing mushrooms everyday, to ex tasty, LSd, and other hallucinogens.im lost in this country of greed, it seems like this country is just getting worse and worse st dumbing us down and enslaving us into mindless work horses. I wrote a lot more the first time but I can continue a story another time if asked, but drugs have gotten me homeless in sanfransico, and I've been down man drug addictions, now I'm tackling heroin, all I want to do is go back to old times, to where maybe I coulda helped change the world before it was too late, I want to do something great, I just need help. Anywa sorry for this rambling mess it was better the first time, but I had to re write all of it, and to be honest I'm or of pain right now so I couldn't make this message to what it was originally but if you want to know more just ask. Tank you for your time if you look and. Tank you to all the actual good people out there,of there is any left.
