Undefinededges88
Greenlighter
Hey there everyone 
I'm not new to bluelight, I've come & read many many posts over the years- But I finally feel the need to actually "join in." I've recently moved to a small town in TX where I really don't know a soul... (besides my family) so I'm hoping to make some 'friends' here- like minded ppl to talk about the things that actually interest me, & hopefully learn a few things.
About me: I'm a 45 yo female.. u can call me Rach- or u can call me undefinededges ... lol. My screen name actually comes from a doctor who long ago described me as: 'possible personality disorder w/ undefined edges.' I found it interesting & hilarious and have been undefinededges every since.
Anyway- my DOC has always been Opiates. I started my love affair with opiates about 6 years ago after have a tooth pulled. That little 5mg perc brought on so much happiness and a 'connection' with the world around me. (I've always been a bit shy if not a loner.) Ofcourse back then, I saved that one bottle of percs for months and just took a half of one once in a great while to 'have a super day.' A few months later I was talking to my doc about my severe back pain- he did a MRI etc... established that I have some form of degenerating discs. (wich I've heard we all do to some degree as we grow older?) Anyway, he put me on Lortab- 10 mg 4x a day. I really loved it! For some reason it made my back pain MUCH WORSE, (??) but the euphoria and creativity and energy were so nice to have... As tolerance has a way of rearing it's ugly head, my doc changed me to 5 mg percs 3x a day- few months later it went up to 10 mg percs... 6 mo later or so I found my love of Roxi's... He scripted me 15 mg roxi 3x a day. Life just felt so beautiful and meaningful... After awhile he upped my dose to 30mg roxi's 3x a day. I stayed at this dose for well over a year. I guess I was worried I'd rock the boat if I asked for even stronger meds. I did start supplementing my 30 day supplies however, as ofcourse I was running out way before I was supposed to. I then met oxy's while supplementing /or stretching my meds. wow... I was totally in love with oxycontin. My bf at the time fell in love with them too... He was an ocassional pill popper but nothing compared to my all day every day habit. So, within a month or so we were both indulging in our love affair with oxy's. 50 mg pills, they were rather 'chewy' like and I remember a friend at the time telling me they had 're-made' oxy's so to speak bcus of abuse issues. I seemed to abuse these chewy ones just fine, haha, ...but I always just swallowed my pills. Never did any I/Ving. Well our love affair was getting super expensive. 200$ a day or so? I finally got up the nerve to ask my doc to just script me these pills- (had medicaid... woulda been cheap!) Well... I go to my doc appt that month and my beloved doctor had RESIGNED and RETIRED very suddenly. All his patients that were on opiates were 'fired' so to speak. His partner refused to even fill my depression meds- I also take verapamil for a SVT/heart thing. He wouldn't help me at all- told me to find a new doc. It was shitty... I started going to pain management clinics. They almost all acted like I was a junkie trying to get pills... (which, well, they weren't exactly wrong!?) Finally 1 doc gave me a 30 day script for tramadol and told me that I'd have to wean myself off all my meds. (except ofcourse the depression pill and heart pill.) I did as she told me to- tapering these doses down on the few pills I had left from doctor wonderful before he retired... and the tramadol kept me from jumping out of my skin, but really... it didn't help me at all. I really didn't understand at this point that I was 'physically addicted.' I knew mentally that these pills made me feel like who I always wanted to be- social, full of energy, more creative etc... and I didn't want to lose that! Anyway I got sicker than I could have ever imagined... my bf too. We laid in bed and thought we were dying. From then on, it was good on some days- finding pills and eating pills... and other days, when broke, or everyone was dry- it was hell. He has always been a cannabis smoker so he seemed to do much better than me when things were dry... (I have this weird 1 hit wonder can't function feel like i'm stuck in worst panic attack ever loop- when I smoke weed... I hate it!) Anyways my friends, I'm sorry I'm rambling... I've never really been able to tell my journey before tho- my family is judgemental and well it's not something to be just 'shared'.. (unless in recovery lol, which, i am not.) Long story shorter... I met someone who was on methadone. I really had zero knowledge about done... All she had to tell me was that she went into a clinic- drank a lil kool aid drink and it not only kept her from getting sick, but it kept her from even WANTING to do pills... all at only 12$ a day. lol.. what a deal I'm thinking. So Tomus & I show up to 1 of the 4 clinics in our area at that time... Takes us like 5 hours to get into the program and get our 1st dose. Ohhh and my love affair with Done last off and on for over 3 years. I've also tried the subutex route... but I liked done better. I had to come off of it cold turkey due to an upaid ticket and 30 days in jail... oh man... ROUGH. I've been off of it since May 13th now. (It's STILL a mental struggle tho.) Anyway I've talked enough.
Really hoping to meet some ppl who I can establish some kinda friendship with. Love reading everyones posts and comparing notes and learning so much... BL has really prolly kept me from doing some super stupid combo's/doses of substances after reading some of the bad reports... and I've learned about more natural/herbal highs now too... :D This is currently my new go to...
My God, I've written a book... I"m sorry! haha... (I gez i'm really really lonely here these days.)
Enjoy Being~~
Rach
I'm not new to bluelight, I've come & read many many posts over the years- But I finally feel the need to actually "join in." I've recently moved to a small town in TX where I really don't know a soul... (besides my family) so I'm hoping to make some 'friends' here- like minded ppl to talk about the things that actually interest me, & hopefully learn a few things.
About me: I'm a 45 yo female.. u can call me Rach- or u can call me undefinededges ... lol. My screen name actually comes from a doctor who long ago described me as: 'possible personality disorder w/ undefined edges.' I found it interesting & hilarious and have been undefinededges every since.
Anyway- my DOC has always been Opiates. I started my love affair with opiates about 6 years ago after have a tooth pulled. That little 5mg perc brought on so much happiness and a 'connection' with the world around me. (I've always been a bit shy if not a loner.) Ofcourse back then, I saved that one bottle of percs for months and just took a half of one once in a great while to 'have a super day.'
A few months later I was talking to my doc about my severe back pain- he did a MRI etc... established that I have some form of degenerating discs. (wich I've heard we all do to some degree as we grow older?) Anyway, he put me on Lortab- 10 mg 4x a day. I really loved it! For some reason it made my back pain MUCH WORSE, (??) but the euphoria and creativity and energy were so nice to have... As tolerance has a way of rearing it's ugly head, my doc changed me to 5 mg percs 3x a day- few months later it went up to 10 mg percs... 6 mo later or so I found my love of Roxi's... He scripted me 15 mg roxi 3x a day. Life just felt so beautiful and meaningful... After awhile he upped my dose to 30mg roxi's 3x a day. I stayed at this dose for well over a year. I guess I was worried I'd rock the boat if I asked for even stronger meds. I did start supplementing my 30 day supplies however, as ofcourse I was running out way before I was supposed to. I then met oxy's while supplementing /or stretching my meds. wow... I was totally in love with oxycontin. My bf at the time fell in love with them too... He was an ocassional pill popper but nothing compared to my all day every day habit. So, within a month or so we were both indulging in our love affair with oxy's. 50 mg pills, they were rather 'chewy' like and I remember a friend at the time telling me they had 're-made' oxy's so to speak bcus of abuse issues. I seemed to abuse these chewy ones just fine, haha, ...but I always just swallowed my pills. Never did any I/Ving. Well our love affair was getting super expensive. 200$ a day or so? I finally got up the nerve to ask my doc to just script me these pills- (had medicaid... woulda been cheap!) Well... I go to my doc appt that month and my beloved doctor had RESIGNED and RETIRED very suddenly. All his patients that were on opiates were 'fired' so to speak. His partner refused to even fill my depression meds- I also take verapamil for a SVT/heart thing. He wouldn't help me at all- told me to find a new doc. It was shitty... I started going to pain management clinics. They almost all acted like I was a junkie trying to get pills... (which, well, they weren't exactly wrong!?) Finally 1 doc gave me a 30 day script for tramadol and told me that I'd have to wean myself off all my meds. (except ofcourse the depression pill and heart pill.) I did as she told me to- tapering these doses down on the few pills I had left from doctor wonderful before he retired... and the tramadol kept me from jumping out of my skin, but really... it didn't help me at all. I really didn't understand at this point that I was 'physically addicted.' I knew mentally that these pills made me feel like who I always wanted to be- social, full of energy, more creative etc... and I didn't want to lose that! Anyway I got sicker than I could have ever imagined... my bf too. We laid in bed and thought we were dying. From then on, it was good on some days- finding pills and eating pills... and other days, when broke, or everyone was dry- it was hell. He has always been a cannabis smoker so he seemed to do much better than me when things were dry... (I have this weird 1 hit wonder can't function feel like i'm stuck in worst panic attack ever loop- when I smoke weed... I hate it!) Anyways my friends, I'm sorry I'm rambling... I've never really been able to tell my journey before tho- my family is judgemental and well it's not something to be just 'shared'.. (unless in recovery lol, which, i am not.) Long story shorter... I met someone who was on methadone. I really had zero knowledge about done... All she had to tell me was that she went into a clinic- drank a lil kool aid drink and it not only kept her from getting sick, but it kept her from even WANTING to do pills... all at only 12$ a day. lol.. what a deal I'm thinking. So Tomus & I show up to 1 of the 4 clinics in our area at that time... Takes us like 5 hours to get into the program and get our 1st dose. Ohhh and my love affair with Done last off and on for over 3 years. I've also tried the subutex route... but I liked done better. I had to come off of it cold turkey due to an upaid ticket and 30 days in jail... oh man... ROUGH. I've been off of it since May 13th now. (It's STILL a mental struggle tho.) Anyway I've talked enough. Really hoping to meet some ppl who I can establish some kinda friendship with. Love reading everyones posts and comparing notes and learning so much... BL has really prolly kept me from doing some super stupid combo's/doses of substances after reading some of the bad reports... and I've learned about more natural/herbal highs now too... :D This is currently my new go to...
My God, I've written a book... I"m sorry! haha... (I gez i'm really really lonely here these days.)
Enjoy Being~~
Rach
