Hi,
I've been a total basket case pretty much all of my life. I had a period where I thought I was awesome as I graduated with a BS, got a great job, married & kids. I thought I was over the poverty: left after first year of uni and took a year off partying, exploring, but eventually went back to uni and graduated, lived with a great guy that helped me w/rent and tuition. Drank tons, took any drug offered to me (minus the shoot up ones). Loved the crack, just couldn't afford it. Being young, it was not that hard to keep going. Now, after the kids (thank some God or Fate, Force that my supplier got into a car accident and was out for a few months when I got pregnant) life's a b. Not much money, short on expectations. Same pattern of abuse. I've tried of course. Not much luck as the dark demon is within and will be for life. I tried to tame it. No luck. I think money would take care of it though. There's a certain respect from others and from self that comes along with that. I try to be Buddhist, but F, failing miserably. Wish I could be Christian. Wow imagine how beautiful life would be if you actually believe in some beautiful fairy tale in the sky with a God and those that love you.
Anyway, my worst is just alchohol and cigs right now (and alchohol is bad enough, really and it's a drug). I had a blast w/Ecstasy, going to the Burning man, acid. Can't do that shit anymore. Even pot makes me question what I thought was solid, no enlightenment whatsoever. So that's out as well. I'm beginning to think that it's all down hill from here. I still hang, probably will for a while, despite the life burn-out. Will take any suggestions on how to take the focus off myself. Yet, I survived this long because I had me. I think me is fading. I wish I can help people, got here from a search on burn out. Sorry that I can't help. My childhood was abusive, lucky I have somewhat of an awareness. I don't spread it on anyone else (my 'mother' is the best at that), keep it inside, killing me. Looking for a magical drug that will save me. Ha
I've been a total basket case pretty much all of my life. I had a period where I thought I was awesome as I graduated with a BS, got a great job, married & kids. I thought I was over the poverty: left after first year of uni and took a year off partying, exploring, but eventually went back to uni and graduated, lived with a great guy that helped me w/rent and tuition. Drank tons, took any drug offered to me (minus the shoot up ones). Loved the crack, just couldn't afford it. Being young, it was not that hard to keep going. Now, after the kids (thank some God or Fate, Force that my supplier got into a car accident and was out for a few months when I got pregnant) life's a b. Not much money, short on expectations. Same pattern of abuse. I've tried of course. Not much luck as the dark demon is within and will be for life. I tried to tame it. No luck. I think money would take care of it though. There's a certain respect from others and from self that comes along with that. I try to be Buddhist, but F, failing miserably. Wish I could be Christian. Wow imagine how beautiful life would be if you actually believe in some beautiful fairy tale in the sky with a God and those that love you.
Anyway, my worst is just alchohol and cigs right now (and alchohol is bad enough, really and it's a drug). I had a blast w/Ecstasy, going to the Burning man, acid. Can't do that shit anymore. Even pot makes me question what I thought was solid, no enlightenment whatsoever. So that's out as well. I'm beginning to think that it's all down hill from here. I still hang, probably will for a while, despite the life burn-out. Will take any suggestions on how to take the focus off myself. Yet, I survived this long because I had me. I think me is fading. I wish I can help people, got here from a search on burn out. Sorry that I can't help. My childhood was abusive, lucky I have somewhat of an awareness. I don't spread it on anyone else (my 'mother' is the best at that), keep it inside, killing me. Looking for a magical drug that will save me. Ha
