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Tara C

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 26, 2017
Messages
3
Hello everyone, my name is Tara C. I am 36 and mother of 2 of the most amazing kids in the world. They are 5 and 7. I have been struggling with opiates for quite a while now but ready to clean up and have gotten alot of great info from here before so I thought I would join and try to get some support. I do have a quick question about drug testing but I am having some difficulties figuring out how/where to post. I am not very technically savvy, lol. I have started in Methadone clinic and trying to stop using. It's actually getting easier cause I am at 80mg now and not really feeling effects and I will do quite a bit. Figure if I don't feel it then kinda silly to use it. A big problem I have is that my husband also uses. He is in methadone too but he still wants to get every day even though he isn't sick and starting to not feel much anymore either. It's very hard for me to say no, even without feeling much effect, when he wants it and I know the dealer so he wants me to get for him too. I am having a major surgery on my leg next week and will be in hospital for 3 days and then going to inpatient rehab for about 2 weeks so I am hoping that I will only use what is prescribed and not come home to start using again. I told him how I feel and told him if he still wants to get then he will have to get for himself and hide it from me so I am not tempted. Another thing I should prob share is that I am in a very bad marriage. I can get more into things at a later time but I have finally decided that as soon as I am healed enough I am going to get my own place and leave him. It will be hard but I am completely miserable and he can be so cruel and uncaring and unsupportive of me and I def know that I am worth more than to live the rest of my life on drugs and my children def deserve to have a mom that is more there. I do not ever use in front of the kids or endanger them but I know if I can get clean then I will just feel better and also have more money to be able to do the things they deserve to do. I love them with all of my being and want them to have a better life than they have had , which has not been bad in any way, but they deserve better. I also am a kind and caring person and I know that I deserve to find a man that will love me for me and take the good with the bad. I became ill after having my second baby, which I can get into more details at a later time, but it has gotten pretty serious over the past few years. I have applied for disability and had my hearing about 5 weeks ago so I am not just waiting on the judge's decision to come. My lawyer says it could be anytime now. Ok, anywho...That is kinda me in a nut shell and I hope to be able to make some real connections on here. I have never belonged to a group thing like this before so we will see how it goes.
 
Sorry in advance but I can tend to be a bit of a chatterbox, even through text and/or messaging, lol.
 
Hi. Youre in a bit of a spot arent ya.

I would suggest asking for advise in slr really.

The whole point of methadone is to eventually get off opiates all together. Be that for a few months or years or forever. If you realy want to stop using then youll have to do what it takes mate. Your husband might not want to and thats his call but cant drag you in.

Perhaps keep away from each other during this operative and recovery period and get your mess dolled out to you to stop abusing them? By then it should be easier.

Your kids do need you and their dad but you need support and time for yourself too.
 
Thank you, I agree with you and I do want to be the better version of me. I really think that me being away for a bit after my surgery will help me to get everything going and then I will just need to be strong until I am able to find my own place and leave. I always thought that when I got married it would be forever but this has proved me wrong. I think we will both be happier apart and that will help our kids as well. I think it would be better for them to see us get along apart rather than what's been going on with us together, it's really terrible. I have alot on my plate and I am just going to hope and pray that I can be strong enough.
 
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