Usually ends with psychosis, depression, anxiety and other nasty things. Amphetamines shock your nervous system and dopamine system. Dopamine plays more roles than just making you feel good.
Well, since we are getting personal and it’s ok, I’ll go all in...brace yourself...
I’m sure many have had it much worse but this is an overview of my life story.
I was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD at 12, and later, developmental trauma disorder. i was held back a year and put into special ed classes with kids who were actually mentally disabled.
My teachers told me I was stupid and would never amount to anything, no mentor who took me under their wing and believed in me, no one helped me.
I was given 3rd and 4th grade math and English books, never taught grammar or algebra.
My father would tell me regularly how the dr came out to the waiting room to tell him that I would either “be born dead or retarded”.
I barely graduated high school, despite a few teachers that wanted to flunk me, the principal said it would be pointless to keep me coming back each year.
I always worked hard and had several jobs, starting at age 12. When I was 17, I was working for a company as a fill in cook when they needed help. The IT director took a liking to me and asked if I would want to work after school and on weekends. I had no clue what I was doing but wanted to make money.
That began my IT career, I had to work harder and longer than everyone else but I leveraged my “charming personality” (something most in IT didn’t have) to my advantage. Apparently, when you have dyslexia and ADHD as well as developmental trauma disorder (I didn’t tell anyone, any of this, I was embarrassed) you don’t fit well in the highly structured corporate world. I went through, the dotcom bubble bust, 9/11/01 and the 08 housing crisis. I was laid off and or fired 6 times in 10 years. I asked myself many times why I was putting myself through this pain. The answer came in 2010 when I started my IT company.
i went through a windshield at 17, had at least a dozen concussions from car & bike accidents, football, wrestling, etc...I have had 5 surgeries, the most recent was a severe jaw surgery.
I have chronic pain, neck, back, hip and leg, have been taking Percocet daily for 7 years, was taking around 30-60mg a day as well as 30mg adderall, 20mg lexapro, 3mg Xanax, the dr switched my lexapro to Prozac for 6 months.
I started having blackouts and apparently was yelling unkind things at my wife and was very moody, I didn’t remeber the fights and it almost cost me my marriage, although that may till happen. At this point I stopped the Prozac, adderall and Xanax entirely, lowers the Percocet to no more than 30mg a day. I went back on lexapro for 2 months and hated it, stopped that entirely again.
I had to start back on the Xanax 1mg at bed time only, has to do with my jaw and relaxing the muscles as I’m causing damage to the bone. This is where I am now, still extremely stressed but mostly functional.
If I didn’t have kids, I would have ended it a long time ago.
I realize this sounds like a pity party and please know I’m not looking for that.
ps. How do you “like” someone post?
