It's been a week since I arrived in London. I can't get used to the city. Not that I get lost all the time, it's just the "atmosphere". Something totally unlike Budapest or Prague for instance where I felt like at home.
Besides, I can't get any contact for some weed which I desperately need. I would give some methadone for a few joints. Meanwhile, I'm still on my methadone. Well, it's quite interesting I'm almost fine with my regular dose after the recent binge on levorphanol, pentamorphone, and 6-methyldihydromorphine among others. It's probably the pressure and the climate generally. It's over 1020 hPa all the time here and I used to live over 300 meters above sea level and both my BP and my pulse have always been low. Anyway, it still isn't enough to feel good enough to make a few calls to apply for a job...
And, God, everything's here so dirt-cheap when you compare salary / prices, totally unlike Poland where everything is so expensive. But firstly you need to have a job, even some 7-8 pounds an hour.
Oh, and by the way my manic episode ended and I'm depressive again. I wished I knew how long it's going to last for.
Really, a few hits of marihuana would help me look more happy on the streets etc. Damned methadone is so dull that no matter the dose I can't get my mood on a normal level. Again, I started popping more clonazepam. I also have some estazolam with me, I know there's no medication in the UK containing it. Besides, I actually can't go to any doctor 'cause my insurance ceases to be valid at the beginning of December.
I'm seriously thinking about going back to that Polish land where all that's left for you is dying. There's no work in Poland, nobody wanted me on the MMT because all 10 programs are full and have long queues. At least my psychiatrist isn't against me and prescribed me as much clonazepam as she might so I'm good for 3 months (well, if I don't overdo it, and I already do).
To sum it up, it was supposed to be much better but hey, this is life, I just had to get this fucking depressive episode just before my flight to London. Shit... I guess I'll visit all the places I wanted to go in London and I will pack my bag and find some cheap ticket back to Poland. I wish I were so successful as some people are here and they don't even speak a word in English. What for do I need my English if I can't use it for a good purpose?! How is it going to help me if this terrible anxiety ruins everything. Sure, I admit my drug usage contributed a lot to my anxiety, I'm not lying to myself.
Sometimes I even think about getting some fix, sometimes I feel so depressed I know I could use some opioid i.v.'ed. It could be even heroin although I'm really fond of it and prefer morphine, levorphanol, or some dextromoramide to it.
Besides, I can't get any contact for some weed which I desperately need. I would give some methadone for a few joints. Meanwhile, I'm still on my methadone. Well, it's quite interesting I'm almost fine with my regular dose after the recent binge on levorphanol, pentamorphone, and 6-methyldihydromorphine among others. It's probably the pressure and the climate generally. It's over 1020 hPa all the time here and I used to live over 300 meters above sea level and both my BP and my pulse have always been low. Anyway, it still isn't enough to feel good enough to make a few calls to apply for a job...
And, God, everything's here so dirt-cheap when you compare salary / prices, totally unlike Poland where everything is so expensive. But firstly you need to have a job, even some 7-8 pounds an hour.
Oh, and by the way my manic episode ended and I'm depressive again. I wished I knew how long it's going to last for.
Really, a few hits of marihuana would help me look more happy on the streets etc. Damned methadone is so dull that no matter the dose I can't get my mood on a normal level. Again, I started popping more clonazepam. I also have some estazolam with me, I know there's no medication in the UK containing it. Besides, I actually can't go to any doctor 'cause my insurance ceases to be valid at the beginning of December.I'm seriously thinking about going back to that Polish land where all that's left for you is dying. There's no work in Poland, nobody wanted me on the MMT because all 10 programs are full and have long queues. At least my psychiatrist isn't against me and prescribed me as much clonazepam as she might so I'm good for 3 months (well, if I don't overdo it, and I already do).
To sum it up, it was supposed to be much better but hey, this is life, I just had to get this fucking depressive episode just before my flight to London. Shit... I guess I'll visit all the places I wanted to go in London and I will pack my bag and find some cheap ticket back to Poland. I wish I were so successful as some people are here and they don't even speak a word in English. What for do I need my English if I can't use it for a good purpose?! How is it going to help me if this terrible anxiety ruins everything. Sure, I admit my drug usage contributed a lot to my anxiety, I'm not lying to myself.
Sometimes I even think about getting some fix, sometimes I feel so depressed I know I could use some opioid i.v.'ed. It could be even heroin although I'm really fond of it and prefer morphine, levorphanol, or some dextromoramide to it.
