Hello people, I am 'toneknob' I've lived with opiates and/or opioids for over 20 years.
My journey began at the age of 17 following a severe lower back injury.
I have lived places where opium poppies were popular in suburban gardens and I scouted locations and went back after dark to harvest the poppies which I then processed into semi purified morphine, one step before morphine sulphate, not injectable, but edible and smokeable...I believe it was the two years I spent doing this that escalated my tolerance to a level at which there was no going back.
I also chased pills in eastern Canada, Ontario and British Columbia...ie: dilaudid & morphine
It wasn't until I was 34 yrs old that I decided I needed some stability....the fact that I had a good paying union job had a lot todo with my decision to become a methadone patient.
I rode the methadone rollercoaster for 7yrs, reaching doses as high as 220 mMg's daily, but tapering down for a year and a half I finally knew what it felt like to be clean of everything and it wasn't a good thing....my lower back injury still caused me moderate to severe pain every minute of every day, and i resorted back to self medication because the lack of a family doctor kept me from receiving proper pain management treatment....it was easier to buy meds on the black market, most of the time.....anyways, the day came when I couldn't score and I went back to the methadone clinic and my doctor started me on suboxone.. I take 4mg's six times a day, it's supposed to have some analgesic effect when the dose is spread out through the day.....truth is, I am still in pain, I am able to work part time and need to lay down up to 10-12hrs daily....I am not happy with any of this.
Addiction only affected me in a negative way when doctors cut me off, if they just treated me to manage pain with the only thing that works, morphine or dilaudid, everything would be fine.
The stigma of addiction and societies ignorance about chronic pain needs to change.
Until that day comes I guess I am fucked....unless I find a regular doctor instead of walk-in clinics I will remain addicted to suboxone and a cash cow for the privately owned and operated addiction clinic.
My journey began at the age of 17 following a severe lower back injury.
I have lived places where opium poppies were popular in suburban gardens and I scouted locations and went back after dark to harvest the poppies which I then processed into semi purified morphine, one step before morphine sulphate, not injectable, but edible and smokeable...I believe it was the two years I spent doing this that escalated my tolerance to a level at which there was no going back.
I also chased pills in eastern Canada, Ontario and British Columbia...ie: dilaudid & morphine
It wasn't until I was 34 yrs old that I decided I needed some stability....the fact that I had a good paying union job had a lot todo with my decision to become a methadone patient.
I rode the methadone rollercoaster for 7yrs, reaching doses as high as 220 mMg's daily, but tapering down for a year and a half I finally knew what it felt like to be clean of everything and it wasn't a good thing....my lower back injury still caused me moderate to severe pain every minute of every day, and i resorted back to self medication because the lack of a family doctor kept me from receiving proper pain management treatment....it was easier to buy meds on the black market, most of the time.....anyways, the day came when I couldn't score and I went back to the methadone clinic and my doctor started me on suboxone.. I take 4mg's six times a day, it's supposed to have some analgesic effect when the dose is spread out through the day.....truth is, I am still in pain, I am able to work part time and need to lay down up to 10-12hrs daily....I am not happy with any of this.
Addiction only affected me in a negative way when doctors cut me off, if they just treated me to manage pain with the only thing that works, morphine or dilaudid, everything would be fine.
The stigma of addiction and societies ignorance about chronic pain needs to change.
Until that day comes I guess I am fucked....unless I find a regular doctor instead of walk-in clinics I will remain addicted to suboxone and a cash cow for the privately owned and operated addiction clinic.
