Poobanator
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2016
- Messages
- 4
Hello Everyone,
Like most of you, I have been lurking here for as long as the site has probably been around. Typically, steered to this fine forum, from a drug related google search or another.
So why did I finally, pull the pin and click register? To be honest, I’ve just experienced so many amazing things in my life both completely sober and under the influence. Surprisingly most of the most profound have been sober ones. I have a lot of interesting stories to share. Some of which were recent and many more from my past. But it was the most recent of which, that finally drove me here. If don’t talk about this stuff, I If I don’t share it…I think it would just be a horrible waste, and I’m eager to hear what others will bring to the table as well.
So, who am I?
Growing up, I was the guy that got along with almost all the different click’s, but also had a very close group of friends. All of us pretty much smoked cigarettes, drank on weekends, and smoked dope every single day. I missed a shit ton of High School in grade 11 and 12 because I simply preferred staying home and getting stoned to the pressure of being a Teenage attempting to navigate the social pitfalls of life. But for some reason, even though I missed 50 days per semester I was still able to show up and pass my tests and do to my unusually high level of empathy and honesty when communicating with everyone I didn’t even get a single detention. Unfortunately, many of my friends weren’t so lucky, as they were eventually suspended and even expelled.
At some point in my early high school life, I had done LSD quite a few times and enjoyed it immensely, but I was not at all convinced that ESP or anything extra ordinary existed beyond what couldn’t be explained by Science. But this was all going to change very quickly, in fact the impact of these events continue to play heavily on my mind both in very positive and negative ways.
I was 16 or 17 at the time.
I was spending the night at home mostly just playing video games (Atari ST1040), when there was a knock on the door. Up the stairs I go to answer the door, and low and behold, It’s my buddy Mike. Immediately it was obvious that Mike was completely fried on Acid, his pupils were almost completely expanded and he had that “all knowing” smile on his face. I’m like “Whoa”. Mike basically said he had to show me something, and again the look on his face definitely gave me a feeling of excitement with an equal portion of trepidation. So down the stairs we went and sort of chilled on one side of the reckroom.
Mike quickly begins to explain what he wants me to do… Close your eyes and imagine you’re looking slightly upward in your vision at a theatre screen about 15-30 ft off in the distance so the screen takes up most of your vision. And on that screen, picture any shape. Okay I’m thinking, I know what he means, my whole life I have often been able to picture things in my mind eye, from the incredible hulk bent over my bed as a child scaring the crap out of me, only to open my eyes and still have him staring at me in the dark of my room (further scaring the crap out of me) … To lazing around outside during a coffee break during my earlier summer job, witnessing strange construction equipment working in intricate detail in orange and red hews as the sun shone down through my closed eyelids. So, I closed my eyes, and looked slightly up in my vision and imagined a theatre screen…. And on it, I imagined a square. However it took some time to actually see it, but after a few moment I could actually see the square floating softly there. Mike then says, now imagine that your shape is any colour and when you have it let me know. As I watched the shape in my minds eye, it was already a colour it was clearly a shady hue of purple. So I said “okay, got it.”
At that point, Mike begins to laugh the laugh that haunted me for literally decades. Laughing with the “All-knowing, All-seeing” grin on his face. He said “Purple Square” as he continued to chuckle eerily. There was no doubt in his mind he knew, he knew as certain as anything one can be certain about. I was momentarily floored, but not ready to accept it. Being quick on my feet, I realized to myself, that I’ve been playing this computer for the last few hours. So damn right If I close my eyes I’m going to see a purple square. Similar to how one would see a purple dot from staring into a flashlight. Although I didn’t tell him of my realization, I just said “let’s do this again”. Mike quickly chortled and said “Sure”. So back to the mind’s eye I went, staring up to that screen in front of me, this time I wanted a circle and I wanted it orange. When I could actually see the circle, I again said “Okay”. And even before I finished saying the word, Mike began to laugh that horrible knowing laugh. “Orange Circle”, mike says again with 100% confidence as if it were a simple matter of fact much like the Sun rises and sets.
All bets are off now. My spine is all a shiver, and my adrenaline levels are spiking. My body is a tingle, and I suddenly feel that I’m connected to something much larger then myself. Holy fuck I think to myself, this is happening. “Again” I exclaim. As I once again close my eye’s and stare upon the screen within my mind’s eye. And with very little effort this time, a green triangle materializes much more clearly and defined than the previous shapes. Mike blurts out “Green Triangle”, and laughs harder than ever not even waiting for me to let him know I’m ready. Cause he didn’t have to, he knew probably before I did. I was floored, and life immediately changed. The universe had just become hopelessly in-explicable, No amount of Science could ever hope to put a dent in it’s understanding. How lucky we are to exist in it.
Life after that changed for me…. That night in fact continued, and got even better as it wasn’t only Mike that could read my minds eye, I was also to a surprising degree able to read his (which is a whole story on it’s own). Unfortunately, after that day we seldom spoke of it, and Mike ended up going to the looney been shortly after.
Ultimately that night, got me started on meditation. Not as you might think in terms of ESP, although I had tried many things and had many incredible experiences. But I spent a good part of the next 6 or 7 years in daily meditation and encountered easily the scariest moments of my life over that period. Sometimes taking the shape of demons. These Demons were so scary so ferocious that the very path that lead me to them, was often wiped clean from my memory in a hot blinding white flash, leaving me completely unaware of what I was just thinking about or the fact that my own subconscious threw me off the tracks in the first place. But in time as my skill evolved, I began to realize when such events occurred. Eventually I could go back to where the train of thought started, so I could follow it down the track again. Often only to get thrown off again repeatedly, but each time through I was better able to remember the flash, as well as transition down the track prior to that point. Ultimately reaching the point just before the flash, and being consciously aware it was about to happen. At this point I accepted that no matter what it was no matter how fearful I felt that only by experiencing it fully and confronting it could I hope to get beyond it. And at that moment, the Devil himself confronted me. To this day, I can still remember the sound of his hooves as he approached me from the left side of my vision, what it’s was like to hear his hot breath shoot from his nostrils, and the feel of it as it impacted my body. The deepness of his breath into his lungs. As I drew my courage to look at his face which literally took me everything I had… I looked up into his eye’s as he picked me up and brought me close to his face to stair back at me… It was then that I clearly saw my reflection in his eye and at that moment I had the most amazing epiphany. Instantly I released that I was starting at an element of myself. My spine began to shiver and my soul tingled, as I basked in connection with myself and the universe. The fear he was putting on me was an equal measure of his need to protect me. The fear was the inverse of his love for me stemming from the belief system that he was the entrusted Gate Keeper. I was staring at myself, and I immediately had a conscious connection to that part of myself, to the point I could actually hear and understand the narrative of his inner voice much like I hear my own conscious. The curtains came off, and the machine beyond the curtain was me. Our minds melded and I was more whole and less divided from that moment on.
So yeah, pretty awesome stuff and all true. I had become so adept at meditation and body control, I reached pretty Zhen like levels. I could control my heart beat to the point of stopping it (although you literally feel like your falling down a well, so hard to keep up for fear of death.). Or in a fully sunlight room, I could keep my eyes completely open, yet black out my entire vision… I also did one pretty horrible act through meditation during a rough period of my life (cocaine addiction) to one of my bosses who literally drove me crazy. I hated him so much I just wanted him to die in the most painful awful “specific” way. I’m not certain I actually did what befell him, bit what I wanted, occurred exactly how I wanted it to occur starting immediately after I wanted it to happen and he died suffered for approximately the right amount of time before passing. And the act of mediation and the intentions I had during that session were some of the most intense hateful moments of my life and brimming with evil energy. I still hope it was just a fluke and completely unrelated to my intent but I just don’t know. Perhaps Karma is waiting for me and I am fearful of that.
Anyway, I’ll keep these stories for another day… In fact, one of my best experiences occurred probably 15 years after that faithful night with Mike and the coloured shapes. It was a time in my life where I was about 2 months clean from all substances and in rehab, and once more loving life and feeling my connection to the universe. I was actually sharing some of my stories including the one of me and mike and coloured shapes, when someone dropped a playing card while shuffling the deck, which landed face down on the table. At which point one of them said, “Okay hot shot, what card is it”. So I took a deep breath and appreciated everything that brought me to this moment and just imagined the infinite universe and my connection to it and all things, I realized that I need not read anyone’s mind, only the universe speaks to us and makes all things possible. And as the tingling in my spine began I closed my eyes. Never before had I closed my eyes to such an immediate and intense full colour spot light vision in my mind eye, the shiver grew to electricity as I stared at a crystal-clear vision of a hand turning over the Jack of Spades.… It was my turn to be the “All-Knowing All-Seeing” laughing dude. “Jack of Spades” I cried as a warmth spread through my body and I laughed softly and knowingly. I blew away an entire room full of people (Many of which were not ready for that kind of knowledge or spectacle). I Kept laughing as Mike did all those years ago. WOW, what an incredible world in which we live I thought. And to drive it home a card was dropped 2 more times over the course of the next 2 days. And each additional time, the same feeling, the same intense experience. The same spot light vision. The same inexplicable laugh, cause the universe just spoke to me, and I for some reason I was able to listen.
Sadly those were the only 3 times I experienced the instantaneous bright spot light visions... By the time the forth card fell, I theorize that I no longer wanted to listen for fear of what it could mean and how such power could change my life. I didn't even attempt a guess at what the card could be after that.
Whew…. Just remembering this stuff freaks me out…. I’m not even getting to the 800mg of Al-lad and a 3 way shared experience from last Friday. But I will in due course. Lol
Kay enough… Glad to be here and look forward to participating in the future.
Cheers
Like most of you, I have been lurking here for as long as the site has probably been around. Typically, steered to this fine forum, from a drug related google search or another.
So why did I finally, pull the pin and click register? To be honest, I’ve just experienced so many amazing things in my life both completely sober and under the influence. Surprisingly most of the most profound have been sober ones. I have a lot of interesting stories to share. Some of which were recent and many more from my past. But it was the most recent of which, that finally drove me here. If don’t talk about this stuff, I If I don’t share it…I think it would just be a horrible waste, and I’m eager to hear what others will bring to the table as well.
So, who am I?
Growing up, I was the guy that got along with almost all the different click’s, but also had a very close group of friends. All of us pretty much smoked cigarettes, drank on weekends, and smoked dope every single day. I missed a shit ton of High School in grade 11 and 12 because I simply preferred staying home and getting stoned to the pressure of being a Teenage attempting to navigate the social pitfalls of life. But for some reason, even though I missed 50 days per semester I was still able to show up and pass my tests and do to my unusually high level of empathy and honesty when communicating with everyone I didn’t even get a single detention. Unfortunately, many of my friends weren’t so lucky, as they were eventually suspended and even expelled.
At some point in my early high school life, I had done LSD quite a few times and enjoyed it immensely, but I was not at all convinced that ESP or anything extra ordinary existed beyond what couldn’t be explained by Science. But this was all going to change very quickly, in fact the impact of these events continue to play heavily on my mind both in very positive and negative ways.
I was 16 or 17 at the time.
I was spending the night at home mostly just playing video games (Atari ST1040), when there was a knock on the door. Up the stairs I go to answer the door, and low and behold, It’s my buddy Mike. Immediately it was obvious that Mike was completely fried on Acid, his pupils were almost completely expanded and he had that “all knowing” smile on his face. I’m like “Whoa”. Mike basically said he had to show me something, and again the look on his face definitely gave me a feeling of excitement with an equal portion of trepidation. So down the stairs we went and sort of chilled on one side of the reckroom.
Mike quickly begins to explain what he wants me to do… Close your eyes and imagine you’re looking slightly upward in your vision at a theatre screen about 15-30 ft off in the distance so the screen takes up most of your vision. And on that screen, picture any shape. Okay I’m thinking, I know what he means, my whole life I have often been able to picture things in my mind eye, from the incredible hulk bent over my bed as a child scaring the crap out of me, only to open my eyes and still have him staring at me in the dark of my room (further scaring the crap out of me) … To lazing around outside during a coffee break during my earlier summer job, witnessing strange construction equipment working in intricate detail in orange and red hews as the sun shone down through my closed eyelids. So, I closed my eyes, and looked slightly up in my vision and imagined a theatre screen…. And on it, I imagined a square. However it took some time to actually see it, but after a few moment I could actually see the square floating softly there. Mike then says, now imagine that your shape is any colour and when you have it let me know. As I watched the shape in my minds eye, it was already a colour it was clearly a shady hue of purple. So I said “okay, got it.”
At that point, Mike begins to laugh the laugh that haunted me for literally decades. Laughing with the “All-knowing, All-seeing” grin on his face. He said “Purple Square” as he continued to chuckle eerily. There was no doubt in his mind he knew, he knew as certain as anything one can be certain about. I was momentarily floored, but not ready to accept it. Being quick on my feet, I realized to myself, that I’ve been playing this computer for the last few hours. So damn right If I close my eyes I’m going to see a purple square. Similar to how one would see a purple dot from staring into a flashlight. Although I didn’t tell him of my realization, I just said “let’s do this again”. Mike quickly chortled and said “Sure”. So back to the mind’s eye I went, staring up to that screen in front of me, this time I wanted a circle and I wanted it orange. When I could actually see the circle, I again said “Okay”. And even before I finished saying the word, Mike began to laugh that horrible knowing laugh. “Orange Circle”, mike says again with 100% confidence as if it were a simple matter of fact much like the Sun rises and sets.
All bets are off now. My spine is all a shiver, and my adrenaline levels are spiking. My body is a tingle, and I suddenly feel that I’m connected to something much larger then myself. Holy fuck I think to myself, this is happening. “Again” I exclaim. As I once again close my eye’s and stare upon the screen within my mind’s eye. And with very little effort this time, a green triangle materializes much more clearly and defined than the previous shapes. Mike blurts out “Green Triangle”, and laughs harder than ever not even waiting for me to let him know I’m ready. Cause he didn’t have to, he knew probably before I did. I was floored, and life immediately changed. The universe had just become hopelessly in-explicable, No amount of Science could ever hope to put a dent in it’s understanding. How lucky we are to exist in it.
Life after that changed for me…. That night in fact continued, and got even better as it wasn’t only Mike that could read my minds eye, I was also to a surprising degree able to read his (which is a whole story on it’s own). Unfortunately, after that day we seldom spoke of it, and Mike ended up going to the looney been shortly after.
Ultimately that night, got me started on meditation. Not as you might think in terms of ESP, although I had tried many things and had many incredible experiences. But I spent a good part of the next 6 or 7 years in daily meditation and encountered easily the scariest moments of my life over that period. Sometimes taking the shape of demons. These Demons were so scary so ferocious that the very path that lead me to them, was often wiped clean from my memory in a hot blinding white flash, leaving me completely unaware of what I was just thinking about or the fact that my own subconscious threw me off the tracks in the first place. But in time as my skill evolved, I began to realize when such events occurred. Eventually I could go back to where the train of thought started, so I could follow it down the track again. Often only to get thrown off again repeatedly, but each time through I was better able to remember the flash, as well as transition down the track prior to that point. Ultimately reaching the point just before the flash, and being consciously aware it was about to happen. At this point I accepted that no matter what it was no matter how fearful I felt that only by experiencing it fully and confronting it could I hope to get beyond it. And at that moment, the Devil himself confronted me. To this day, I can still remember the sound of his hooves as he approached me from the left side of my vision, what it’s was like to hear his hot breath shoot from his nostrils, and the feel of it as it impacted my body. The deepness of his breath into his lungs. As I drew my courage to look at his face which literally took me everything I had… I looked up into his eye’s as he picked me up and brought me close to his face to stair back at me… It was then that I clearly saw my reflection in his eye and at that moment I had the most amazing epiphany. Instantly I released that I was starting at an element of myself. My spine began to shiver and my soul tingled, as I basked in connection with myself and the universe. The fear he was putting on me was an equal measure of his need to protect me. The fear was the inverse of his love for me stemming from the belief system that he was the entrusted Gate Keeper. I was staring at myself, and I immediately had a conscious connection to that part of myself, to the point I could actually hear and understand the narrative of his inner voice much like I hear my own conscious. The curtains came off, and the machine beyond the curtain was me. Our minds melded and I was more whole and less divided from that moment on.
So yeah, pretty awesome stuff and all true. I had become so adept at meditation and body control, I reached pretty Zhen like levels. I could control my heart beat to the point of stopping it (although you literally feel like your falling down a well, so hard to keep up for fear of death.). Or in a fully sunlight room, I could keep my eyes completely open, yet black out my entire vision… I also did one pretty horrible act through meditation during a rough period of my life (cocaine addiction) to one of my bosses who literally drove me crazy. I hated him so much I just wanted him to die in the most painful awful “specific” way. I’m not certain I actually did what befell him, bit what I wanted, occurred exactly how I wanted it to occur starting immediately after I wanted it to happen and he died suffered for approximately the right amount of time before passing. And the act of mediation and the intentions I had during that session were some of the most intense hateful moments of my life and brimming with evil energy. I still hope it was just a fluke and completely unrelated to my intent but I just don’t know. Perhaps Karma is waiting for me and I am fearful of that.
Anyway, I’ll keep these stories for another day… In fact, one of my best experiences occurred probably 15 years after that faithful night with Mike and the coloured shapes. It was a time in my life where I was about 2 months clean from all substances and in rehab, and once more loving life and feeling my connection to the universe. I was actually sharing some of my stories including the one of me and mike and coloured shapes, when someone dropped a playing card while shuffling the deck, which landed face down on the table. At which point one of them said, “Okay hot shot, what card is it”. So I took a deep breath and appreciated everything that brought me to this moment and just imagined the infinite universe and my connection to it and all things, I realized that I need not read anyone’s mind, only the universe speaks to us and makes all things possible. And as the tingling in my spine began I closed my eyes. Never before had I closed my eyes to such an immediate and intense full colour spot light vision in my mind eye, the shiver grew to electricity as I stared at a crystal-clear vision of a hand turning over the Jack of Spades.… It was my turn to be the “All-Knowing All-Seeing” laughing dude. “Jack of Spades” I cried as a warmth spread through my body and I laughed softly and knowingly. I blew away an entire room full of people (Many of which were not ready for that kind of knowledge or spectacle). I Kept laughing as Mike did all those years ago. WOW, what an incredible world in which we live I thought. And to drive it home a card was dropped 2 more times over the course of the next 2 days. And each additional time, the same feeling, the same intense experience. The same spot light vision. The same inexplicable laugh, cause the universe just spoke to me, and I for some reason I was able to listen.
Sadly those were the only 3 times I experienced the instantaneous bright spot light visions... By the time the forth card fell, I theorize that I no longer wanted to listen for fear of what it could mean and how such power could change my life. I didn't even attempt a guess at what the card could be after that.
Whew…. Just remembering this stuff freaks me out…. I’m not even getting to the 800mg of Al-lad and a 3 way shared experience from last Friday. But I will in due course. Lol
Kay enough… Glad to be here and look forward to participating in the future.
Cheers
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