JonathanUK
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2009
- Messages
- 3
Hi all. I'm new to this place. Have not used substances in 8 years now but each day the gifts and eventual spanking of a 10 year devoted relationship with nitrous oxide.
The insights and illuminations turned me into a day-to-day spiritual devotee, a lover of God/Love, a lover of truth.
The spanking occurred 8 years ago when I had upped my intake - 1 tank by myself every 1-2 weeks, consuming it in one 6-8 hour session. At the time I had turned to using by myself, as I had found that trips interacted too much, and I had reached a stage where surrendering within to the source and essence of being was my deepest Love. At one point it felt like the whole universe was flowing through me like the mightiest of rivers back to Source, with which I felt myself merging with. The energy experience was so powerful and then there was a felt explosion in my head and within my inner vision I saw a thick cable blowing apart, with sparks flying everywhere. That was my last time taking nitrous or any drug.
I had blown apart a channel just anterior to the crown chakra.
For several years I was in agony every single day. Nothing showed up on CT or MRI, the healers I consulted all told me the damage was in the energy body. I felt like a broken appliance or an animal who has crawled under a bush, waiting to die. I could not longer work or socialize. I experienced everything through a horrid looking crack in my inner vision.
I can gladly report that about ca. 75 percent of the damage has healed.
It was the biggest learning curve of my life because as I focused on it... and pain draws you to focus on it... energy would flow to the area and hit the damage and pull it apart even more. The more I surrendered, the more I touched into spiritual energy, the more it would flow and want to pass through the break and only damage it more. I hit a deep depression as my hopes were dashed on the rocks time after time as I tried to heal it.
Eventually my relationship to it shifted, I began get deep experiences of love and gratitude, realizing that this break was also grace. But boy I would not wish that journey upon my worst enemy if I had one. The Grace - it taught me to know what is already always present, rather than seeking to have energy pass through the circuits and out the crown, where I felt union was. I came to learn about what is no distance away. Long, long journey, much suffering, but that was what was required to teach me I suppose?
I believe the circuit blew out because I was tapping into energies that my energy body had not developed to hold. Too many volts down the line kind of thing I suppose.
Anyway, that was long. Happy to meet you all.
JPK
The insights and illuminations turned me into a day-to-day spiritual devotee, a lover of God/Love, a lover of truth.
The spanking occurred 8 years ago when I had upped my intake - 1 tank by myself every 1-2 weeks, consuming it in one 6-8 hour session. At the time I had turned to using by myself, as I had found that trips interacted too much, and I had reached a stage where surrendering within to the source and essence of being was my deepest Love. At one point it felt like the whole universe was flowing through me like the mightiest of rivers back to Source, with which I felt myself merging with. The energy experience was so powerful and then there was a felt explosion in my head and within my inner vision I saw a thick cable blowing apart, with sparks flying everywhere. That was my last time taking nitrous or any drug.
I had blown apart a channel just anterior to the crown chakra.
For several years I was in agony every single day. Nothing showed up on CT or MRI, the healers I consulted all told me the damage was in the energy body. I felt like a broken appliance or an animal who has crawled under a bush, waiting to die. I could not longer work or socialize. I experienced everything through a horrid looking crack in my inner vision.
I can gladly report that about ca. 75 percent of the damage has healed.
It was the biggest learning curve of my life because as I focused on it... and pain draws you to focus on it... energy would flow to the area and hit the damage and pull it apart even more. The more I surrendered, the more I touched into spiritual energy, the more it would flow and want to pass through the break and only damage it more. I hit a deep depression as my hopes were dashed on the rocks time after time as I tried to heal it.
Eventually my relationship to it shifted, I began get deep experiences of love and gratitude, realizing that this break was also grace. But boy I would not wish that journey upon my worst enemy if I had one. The Grace - it taught me to know what is already always present, rather than seeking to have energy pass through the circuits and out the crown, where I felt union was. I came to learn about what is no distance away. Long, long journey, much suffering, but that was what was required to teach me I suppose?
I believe the circuit blew out because I was tapping into energies that my energy body had not developed to hold. Too many volts down the line kind of thing I suppose.
Anyway, that was long. Happy to meet you all.
JPK
