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Hellloooooo

Mushwood

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2016
Messages
141
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All the way through yesterday
Hi people,

Thought it was about time I signed up! .....been lurking for a while..

Long time user (of pretty much everything!) of 20 years + ...just come off a withdrawal from fentanyl....horrible horrible....

...But ok now, just found out about 4-aco-dmt ....I love it heheh..

Ok well I'll keep it short and sweet, laters for now
 
The post withdrawal depression is (I'm beginning to feel) WORSE then what I thought was going to kill me (oxycodone and methadone here so I feel your pain)....meaning the initial physical withdrawals. I wish I knew what you are talking about because I'd sure love to feel at least a little bit better:(....but I know no specifics are allowed.
 
^ It's horrible isn't it :(

^ Try google maybe? I found a bunch of stories of other people who had used 4-aco-dmt (or something very similar like magic mushrooms) to help with depression. Some people microdose so maybe look at that as well.

Of course I can't say how/where to get hold of some ...

Good luck with whatever you do, and hope you feel better soon :)
 
^ It's horrible isn't it :(

^ Try google maybe? I found a bunch of stories of other people who had used 4-aco-dmt (or something very similar like magic mushrooms) to help with depression. Some people microdose so maybe look at that as well.

Of course I can't say how/where to get hold of some ...

Good luck with whatever you do, and hope you feel better soon :)
Thanks so much for the reply to me:). But, YES, IT'S PURE HELL:(. On day 3 I was like "WOW! I "kicked" this!:):)....using my own approach (nothing else worked then what I did not even Kratom touched my acute symptoms)......

Then around day 5? I was MISERABLE. I HATED life, was feaning, felt chilly chronically even though it's hot outside, didn't want to see or talk to people but worst of all, I couldn't sleep. When I'd catch an hour here and there? Drug dreams. I'd have them in my hand and then either they'd fall to a place I couldn't reach them or else crumble up and vanish in my hands. I HONESTLY thought I was going insane until I read from many that all of this is "normal".

I'm now beginning (almost) day 14. You'd think it'd ease up a bit. Not so. Or at least not for me.....I don't want to make others feel too afraid to quit (if that's their choice) by reading what I write. Everyone's different.

My brain is even so foggy that, DUH (for lack of a more intelligent word:)....why DIDN'T you (of course meaning me) just Google it:)???)

I'm trying so, so hard and before this I never went over a day without getting the pills (and even in a 24 hours period I felt I was definitely going to be dead the next day).

Yet as I said I became adamant about stopping knowing the withdrawals (due to health issues) would kill me quicker then the drugs I once took for comfort (VERY rarely) and then abused for pain and to just stay out of withdrawals.

Thanks again, Mushwood <3
Sincerely,
Bernadette (aka notsoprettyinpink....meaning 10mg oxycodone)
 
When it get's bad I just try to tell myself that it's still WD symptoms and it will pass eventually ...that helps a little..

...and of course all the other things that help like exercise and eating well .....Having said that I always hated it when people suggested that to me! ...I knew it would probably help a bit but just felt so bad that I couldn't be bothered... it was like I had to get a bit better before I could manage do the things that would make me feel better ....ummmm if that makes any kind of sense..!?!

Day 14 still early days, it will take time, but it will get better so keep it up Bernadette :)
 
When it get's bad I just try to tell myself that it's still WD symptoms and it will pass eventually ...that helps a little..

...and of course all the other things that help like exercise and eating well .....Having said that I always hated it when people suggested that to me! ...I knew it would probably help a bit but just felt so bad that I couldn't be bothered... it was like I had to get a bit better before I could manage do the things that would make me feel better ....ummmm if that makes any kind of sense..!?!

Day 14 still early days, it will take time, but it will get better so keep it up Bernadette :)
Thanks again, Mushwood:). And yes, everything you said makes complete sense. Exercising from the start as some suggest? Oh, wow, I'd sooner have blown my brains out:)! I do eat almost overly healthy though.

I also want to state I CAN get my pills back (just not extras that I got for free from my sister and the methadone from her because she was kicked off them cold turkey after getting 180 10 mg oxycodone per month and 560 methadone....nice pcp, right?....for over 10 years for breaking the zero tolerance act) but I don't want to. I cancelled my appointment last Monday and flushed 3 methadone I had sitting right in my home for "just in case it got too bad".

God, I want to say if I can do it, anyone can cause that is how TERRIFYING and HORRIBLE my withdrawals were and with a ton of health issues technically withdrawals could've killed me.

Ha! I had to laugh. Someone on my own thread in sober living asking me if I have any hobbies. I sat and thought. What DID I do for the last few years? And you know what 1st popped in my head? You secluded from all your friends and you counted your pills. What a nice "hobby" to have. Yeah right. Unless, of course, I decide to become a pharmacist....haha:).

Again, you've been helpful and kind and I really appreciate it.
Much love,
B
 
Yo Mushwood so are you still going?
If yes than congratulations my dude! I'm really proud of you!

TL;DR about the HUGE wall of text below that took me some 2-3 hours to type:
Meditation is great and you should do it if you want an incredible tool to deal with depression/anxiety/cravings and many, many other benefits proven by science.
Do not read if you're not interested in meditation, but in my opinion everyone should.
I typed so much because I'm high as fuck on heroin, I don't normally do this lol! ;)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


And by the way, do you know about meditation? That's one thing that can and WILL help you keep depression and anxiety at bay, I promise.
I've meditated on and off (mostly off lol, it's hard to make it stick as a habit for me and many people) for years and right now I'm on a 19 day streak of daily meditation and I'm telling ya, I already feel the benefits!!
Also this time I'm sure I'll manage to stick with it for the rest of my life, because right now I need it more than ever (I'm slowly becoming addicted to IV heroin... that's why I'm incorporating healthy habits like meditation and yoga because I know for a fact that they will help me manage my cravings etc, along with the dozens of other benefits).

Meditation takes DAILY practice to work, but it's relatively easy to learn (simple breathing meditation at least is, there are lots and lots of different types but a simple breathing meditation is a very good start, and is a good "base" to expand your practice into for example Vipassana, Transcendental, Zen, Metta.... whatever you wish to learn to further advance in the incredible journey of meditation with all its incredible benefits) and it DOES indeed work.
It is one of the best if not the absolute best habit you can take up and do daily.

Lots and lots of scientific research is being made that proves what has been know for thousands of years: meditation is an extremely good practice to pick up, and it will change your life in an incredible number of positive ways.
Here are just a few interesting articles:

20 benefits of meditation (with links to scientific research/articles for every benefit)
other 40 benefits with link for each and every one of them
7 ways meditation can CHANGE your brain (how cool is that??)

So yeah, you don't have to take my word for it, but you can trust science.
In any case even the Buddha said not to trust him nor anyone blindly, but to practice and see for yourself the truth.

As I said earlier, learning to meditate is fairly easy.
I strongly recommend the app Calm (you can find it in the Google play store on your phone), they have a 7 day free introduction to meditation that is very well done in my opinion and will easily get you started to the basics of meditation: you just have to listen to the soothing woman voice and follow the instructions, like a guided meditation.

You can also put a timer to meditate let's say 10 minutes and after 10 minutes a gentle bell will ring to warn you that your practice is over, or start a timer for an "open ended" session and in this mode you can decide to set a bell that will ring every 2/5/10 etc. minutes (you can set how often the bell rings) to remind you to bring back your attention to the object of your meditation (almost always the breath) or to remain aware or whatever you're doing and you can decide when to stop without deciding before you start.

If you make an account (100% free, the app is also free with NO ads, there is some content that you need to pay for but it isn't necessary at all, you just need the timer imo and maybe the free 7 day introduction if you're just starting out) every time you use the app to meditate it will show up on the app calendar and it will tell you how many times you've meditated in total, how much time you spent meditating and the current streak.
I've only got 5 hours since I downloaded the app :\ but yeah right now I'm on a 19 day streak and I'm not stopping anytime soon!!
It's a very neat feature and very motivating, you know, to keep that streak going and rack up hundreds of hours on the cushion!

Another app I've heard of is called Headspace, but I've never tried it so I can't tell you how it is.
Another good source of information/discussion about meditation is the Meditation Subreddit.

If you've decided that you want to give this meditation thing a go, I suggest you try the 7 day introduction on the Calm app and then use the timer to meditate 5 minutes a day, or even 10 if you've got no problems standing still with only you and your mind (if you do have problems don't worry, most people are like this) and remember to do it DAILY! That's the "secret" to reap the benefits: you need to make it a habit, and you should also increase the time you spend on the cushion, but for now 5 minutes are ok.

So here comes a warning: meditation is certainly not complicated, but it is in no way "easy".
It will most likely be boring and even frustrating in the beginning, that's normal as we are not used to simply observe our minds without constant stimulation from the outside, and you're trying to undo decades of conditioning.
You need to power through this first phase and not give up.
It will 100% get easier over time.

Once you get the hang of it though it will become relaxing and someday you might (and probably will, if you keep up a good practice) reach states of bliss through complete absorption and extreme focus on the object of meditation.
I don't want to go too much into detail and I will later tell you a bunch of books to read if you want to learn more about meditation where you will find all the information you need, the only thing I'll say is that these states of bliss (some of them are referred to as certain stages of Jhana if you want to do a bit of research) aren't really the purpose of meditation and can be and hindrance if not managed correctly.

If for example once you experience this bliss you feel that you want to reach it every time you meditate and it kinda becomes the reason why you meditate, you will probably have a hard time reaching that state again and it will absolutely hurt your practice.
Why? Because meditation is all about complete acceptance of what is happening and of what you feel in the moment, without expectations or worries about the future or the past.
Of course I'm not saying not to expect anything from meditation, everyone has some kind of idea of benefits that he/she expects from his/her practice but you must not go into your session with a certain state in mind that you want to reach: you need to just sit and accept anything that comes up.

Anyway here are the books that I read to learn how to meditate, they are all good reads that I recommend if you want to learn more about meditation and related topics:

-The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret & Science of Happiness (this one kind of explains why meditation works with a scientific approach, and later into the book it explains you how to start your practice)

-What the Buddha Taught (this is more about Buddha and his teachings, very interesting read and it does teach you how to meditate if I recall correctly, but if you're strictly interested in learning how to meditate and not in learning about the 4 Noble Truths, the Middle Way and other teaching of the Buddha this is probably not for you. In my opinion it is a very good read because even if you're not Buddhist not interested in Buddhism you will probably find a lot of interesting and true stuff about life, the roots of suffering, how to end it, and many other ways to improve your life and help other people and much, MUCH more, or you could even become interested in Buddhism or become a Buddhist! ***

-Mindfulness in Plain English (very good book that explains mindfulness meditation without complicated and specific terms, a must read in my opinion if you want to learn meditation)

-The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation as taught by S. N. Goenka (this one is about Vipassana meditation, also called Insight Meditation, which is the type of meditation I plan to practice once I reach a good level of concentration and awareness and is also said to be the type of meditation practiced by the Buddha. I suggest you do not try to practice this type of meditation right away, many teachers say that you need to cultivate your mind for at least some months before attempting this kind of meditation, but isalso in my opinion the best type of practice if your goal is true happiness from within. Goenka also says that you can't truly learn Vipassana without attending one of his 10 day retreats and I'm not sure I agree on this, I mean I'm sure a 10 day retreat is an extremely effective way to learn but I also think it can be pretty intimidating and maybe a bit too intense for a beginner. These retreats are completely free btw.
In any case the book is a good read in my opinion even though Goenka, his approach to meditation and his retreats are a bit controversial).

There are a many more good books about meditation, but these are the ones I read.
If I had to recommend only one book out of all of those it would probably be Mindfulness in Plain English.

It is also a good idea to find a meditation teacher/group in your area but I'm also sure it isn't necessary, you can learn how to meditate by yourself for free, it would just be easier with a good teacher.


Well Holy shit! Sorry for the wall of text (I just had a fat shot of H and I always rant and type a lot when I'm high) but I really want you to try and meditate, because you're a cool person and I want the best for you and every single person in this beautiful community that is Bluelight, and in the whole world really lol :) .

Anyway I really hope you give this a try, so that you can see for yourself how useful meditation is and how it can make your life a lot better and easier.
Have a good day/evening/night!!! <3



*** SUPER RANT ABOUT WHY I LIKE BUDDHISM, don't read if you're not interested in Buddhism and/or my opinion!


I myself am an atheist, and I do not consider myself a Buddhist yet because I have a lot more to learn about this "religion" (I consider Buddhism more of a philosophy and a way of life rather than a religion in the common sense of the word, at least at its core, and I'm referring to the Dharma as the Buddha taught it) but you know what? Someday I will probably become Buddhist! Maybe I won't choose a specific "sect" because there are some things I do not agree with that weren't part of Buddha's teachings anyway and are more due to traditions but surely I want to follow the word of Buddha because it just clicks with me, it absolutely makes sense from a logical, moral and even scientific point of view unlike many many other religions, and it also offers a practical path to the liberation from suffering.

Also wether I refer to myself as a Buddhist or Atheist or whatever isn't important, it's just semantics, and another thing that Buddhism teaches you is to view reality as it is, free from the man-made concepts of "good", "bad", "boring" etc... This of course doesn't mean that Buddhists cannot distinguish good from bad or whatever.
It's a bit of a complicated concept but if you read a bit about Buddhism you will certainly learn about Buddha's views on reality, the labels the human mind distorts the world with etc.
If you want to learn more about this I recommend the book What the Buddha Taught.

Another thing I like about Buddhism is that there are no Gods really, Buddha was a man by his own word and didn't consider himself a prophet or whatever.
He was simply a mortal man who happened to discover, through years of his spiritual journey, HIS way out of suffering, and he didn't even consider his way the only one, just the one who worked for him and that he taught, and at the same time faith is absolutely NOT a requirement in Buddhism, the Buddha actually discouraged it and said not to blindly trust him but to EXPERIENCE and to SEE for yourself that the words he spoke were true.

While (most, I think) buddhists believe in rebirth in relation to the Karma accumulated during your lifetime(s), Buddha himself said that it's not important what happens after you die, and that you should focus on the here and the now.
I very much like this line of thought because one aspect I absolute despise (with all the due respect to Christians of course) about Christianity and similar monotheistic religions is the heavy focus on the afterlife.
i dread the idea of dedicating your whole mortal life to "securing" your happiness after you've died.
I want happiness in this life, not when I die lol.

Lastly, another thing I 100% agree with is that happiness doesn't come from the outside, it is already within you and clinging to external factors (money, relationships, material things... pretty much everything really) in any way will bring suffering because everything is impermanent, so clinging even to the "good" stuff like for example love and expecting ever-lasting happiness from these things will bring about suffering.
I extremely over-simplified this concept but that's the gist of it, read the book I mentioned above if you want to know more, especially about the 4 Noble Truths which pretty much explain where suffering stems from (ignorance, "thirst" as in craving, clinging etc. and other stuff, I don't really recall the details of the Truths right now) and how to eliminate it.
 
^ Yeah still going! .... well ...actually still on 2mg bup this time around, but gonna be zero soon enough..


Cheers for the post, man you must have been high ...Jealous lol


I have tried meditation a little before, but I just never kept it up, so I like the sound of that app that keeps track of it, might give that a go! At the moment where I am the weather's good so I can kinda meditate just by going for a walk or listen to weird music in the garden (um ...and maybe smoke some weed...!) But I think I'll give it a go properly again ...why not ay!


What you're saying about Buddhism is pretty interesting, as a fellow atheist it does appeal... seems more like common sense, a guide to living a happy life without being a dick or whatever.....sounds good to me I must admit! Thanks for all the info I'll check it out :)


-------------------


Bernadette, sounds like you've been through it alright ...it's always a difficult decision to stop so well done...it can only better now right?


Lol yeah hobbies ....I've got loads of them it's just most people call them habits!


Have a good day/night to you both :)
 
^^^^
NOT so. The mind can be a "trickery". I was just so happy I made it through the vomiting, heart pounding, pulse rate of almost 200 plus all the other "fun" (of course sarcasm) stuff. I'm stillooking getting the hot/cold flashes, still not much sleep and "drug dreams" if I do and PAWS to thr max which I'm starting to feel is worse then the physical part.

Hobbies? I just wrote a thread about what mine used to be before my only "hobby" became counting pills. Right now I don't want to do anything at all or go anywhere. At the end of last week I even went out and bought a new Jeep (accented the interior with pink...ironically pink is my favorite color for clothing and items and also for pills) just because I thought; "YEAH, this will make me want to get out!! Even if just for a ride to jam some music. Guess how many miles are on it? 17.

And antidepressants and I do not mix so that's not an option.

Sorry for the negativeness within my reply. It's just the truth. For me, personally, PAWS is HORRIBLE.
 
^ Yeah still going! .... well ...actually still on 2mg bup this time around, but gonna be zero soon enough..


Cheers for the post, man you must have been high ...Jealous lol


I have tried meditation a little before, but I just never kept it up, so I like the sound of that app that keeps track of it, might give that a go! At the moment where I am the weather's good so I can kinda meditate just by going for a walk or listen to weird music in the garden (um ...and maybe smoke some weed...!) But I think I'll give it a go properly again ...why not ay!


What you're saying about Buddhism is pretty interesting, as a fellow atheist it does appeal... seems more like common sense, a guide to living a happy life without being a dick or whatever.....sounds good to me I must admit! Thanks for all the info I'll check it out :)
Nice, glad I sparked some interest!
Meditation really is a great tool for self improvement, happiness, focus and lots more.

It would be a really good idea to try the 7-day introduction from the app, it's completely free and it explains very clearly and effectively what meditation is and how to do start your practice.

Also in my opinion it's better to meditate without music and when sober, so that you can more easily concentrate on your breath.
I really hope you do try it and stick with it!

And lastly yes, buddhism is really the most logical and down to earth religion.
It's also very practical and it teaches you stuff that you can apply in your daily life to improve it drastically (and you should if you're serious about Buddhism, theoretical knowledge alone won't get you anywhere).

As I said, I'm glad I managed to interest you and I hope you look more into this stuff.
If so, keep me updated if you want to!
I really love when I help people change their life for the better.

And as always if you have any question, wether it be about this site or meditation and buddhism, feel free to send me a PM.
 
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Thanks Comf, much appreciated. I got that Calm app and I think it's pretty good, I like it!

Bernadette, :( it will get better in time. How about giving meditation a try? ...if you haven't already.. it's got to be worth a shot ay! And of course don't forget to look into magic mushrooms ;)
 
Thanks Comf, much appreciated. I got that Calm app and I think it's pretty good, I like it!

Bernadette, :( it will get better in time. How about giving meditation a try? ...if you haven't already.. it's got to be worth a shot ay! And of course don't forget to look into magic mushrooms ;)
Thanks, Mushwood for the response. I'm just paranoid when it comes to hallucinogenics. If I felt they'd do me good, geez, I'd "hop" on them as they are very much available in my area. Yet, even some types of "smoke" paranoia me. So each time I consider this option for my PAWS even (22 days clean but miserable as all hell)...I think to myself; "will I freak out and want to go to the er"?

I'm not experienced with drugs whatsoever. I have drank of course, smoked small amounts of pot, did coke once but felt nothing but a "racey" feeling for no more then a half an hour.

All and all, my only "outlet" for physical and emotional pain ever has come from oxycodone and methadone (the methadone mostly just to give me a good night's sleep). This may not make much sense but it was like a "shield" was put onto me. As I said, I'm now 22 days clean but feel that each day is an up and down "roller coaster" ride. All of my physical wd's are gone (besides night time sweating profusely and feeling cold all the time), but the emotional wd's feel like they're neverending:(. I've taken advise from others on here but feel like it's a daily "battle".

I wish I could just find something to help me through this stage because after this, I'm done. I can't stand the counting pills, the paranoia when running low and...ugghhh..the wd's are THE WORST.

Right now though, I've only been thinking of myself (which makes me feel bad as I've always been a "do gooder, help others only" type of woman......a moderator on here also recommended the meditation. Yet do you think I tried it? No. But I have to. Anything is worth a shot.

I even had a pain management appointment today and refused my script saying I was going to try to do things my way (and get the monthly epidurals for the RSD I have and multiple spinal cord ailments. My PM doctor literally said; "YOU are my very 1st patient to say that. Especially considering your condition". So right now? I could have 90 oxycodone sitting in front of me but I don't. I can't move my right leg at the moment but it sure beats throwing up in my bath tub while "going to the bathroom" on my toilet.

I'm not "young", yet not "old" which goes to show that an addiction can happen to anyone at anytime without warning. A year ago? I would've hated someone like me which saddens me even more that I may have been judgemental in the past. But, trust me, not anymore. If I can defeat this "illness", there's nothing I wouldn't love more then to help others enduring what I am right now.

I've always been a strong "girl" then woman and although I don't pray very much I do pray for strength. Not just for me, but also for all else who are facing this challenge.
Again I thank you for your reply,
Bernadette
 
Hi Bernadette :)


Yeah probably sensible not to take lots of hallucinogens if you're warey of them! Although with micro dosing you shouldn't feel any of the psychedelic effects coz the dose is so low. It does seem to be helping me at the moment.


I'm on Day 38 since I had any Fenanyl. Same like you am up down emotionally so much, from suicidal to ok, sometimes from moment to moment. Lucky for me it does always pass (but then of course it does always come back again!! arghh )


You're right it is a daily battle, but we gotta believe that it will get better, even though it may take a while


Wow turning down prescribed oxycodone, I take my hat off to you! that's real determination, anyone else in your position would've bitten the docs hand off!! That sucks you have to suffer with your leg though :/


Stay strong, you can defeat this illness! :)
 
Hi Bernadette :)


Yeah probably sensible not to take lots of hallucinogens if you're warey of them! Although with micro dosing you shouldn't feel any of the psychedelic effects coz the dose is so low. It does seem to be helping me at the moment.


I'm on Day 38 since I had any Fenanyl. Same like you am up down emotionally so much, from suicidal to ok, sometimes from moment to moment. Lucky for me it does always pass (but then of course it does always come back again!! arghh )


You're right it is a daily battle, but we gotta believe that it will get better, even though it may take a while


Wow turning down prescribed oxycodone, I take my hat off to you! that's real determination, anyone else in your position would've bitten the docs hand off!! That sucks you have to suffer with your leg though :/


Stay strong, you can defeat this illness! :)
Thanks again:). Don't think I didn't want them, I sure as hell did and he even has the script printed out before each visit so I even saw it, wanted to take it and just run. But for what? 2 weeks of feeling great and then 2 weeks of wishing I was dead? Then using methadone but always fearing that at my next appt I'd be given a urinalysis and fail. I was failing in all different directions anyway. I blew everything and everyone off and just became soul less.

I would have to say at this point what's bothering me the most IS being over emotional. Things that occured years ago are all flooding my emotions now. As for how I'm doing it, I really don't know. Joining here was definitely a Godsent though. The support is just purely amazing<3

I actually just wrote on another thread what is personally helping me...now that sleep is slowly getting better. Before I go to bed I write down 10 things to do the next day. I began at 3, then 5 and now 10. It occupies my mind and also makes me almost feel guilty if I don't succeed. And it can be very simple things such as "get up and go get the newspaper and read it".

It's certainly not over for me yet. Last night, after an argument with my sister (my "source" of the extra oxys and methadone), I had wished I got the script because I probably would've taken 10 in a shot (so the feaning is still there).

Getting out as much as possible though is also helping me. One of the things I enjoy most in life is being kind to others. So just a simple conversation of my telling another they look nice that day can make MY day by seeing them smile:).

Another plus of stopping (and I'm not saying it's good to smoke cigs) but in the past week I've been "carded" 3 times while buying them and I'm 41:). I have NO IDEA how that makes some people mad?!?:) I no longer look tired all the time....no more dark circles under my eyes. And along with loving to give compliments, who doesn't enjoy receiving them? One person said "Seriously??? I thought you were 25 tops". I actually hugged him...haha:).

As for my leg, it's better today. Yesterday I couldn't even tell if I had one due to the lidocaine and nerve block and actually fell because it was so numb. Today? Just back to the usual pain. The same pain I felt while abusing drugs. The drugs never touched it. They just at 1st made me a "happier" woman, then made me evil til I got more so technically besides people such as yourself on here, I have no friends. I wish I could make ammends but I'm not sure I'm ready after almost a year without talking to anyone (even changing my phone #) to explain why I became like I am. It does make me feel awful though since I had so many friends (non users) who supported me so much since I was diagnosed with RSD and then, BAM, one day I just began blowing them all off. Again, changed my #, deactivated my Facebook. Even going to Walmart at 2am...anything so as not to be bothered by those who loved me. Right now though, I'm just focusing on me....I'd outrightly tell all on my Facebook (and it's all people I know well) what occured but I feel it's too soon.

Sorry for my long post on your thread but writing is a very good "outlet" for me. And thanks again, for your kindness and support <3
With love and thanks to you and all else on here who have helped me get this far,
Bernadette
 
I'm so sorry....I failed within my long thread to say that Fentanyl, I'm sure, is probably even harder to quit then what I was taking. 38 days clean though? You got this:)!!!
 
Thanks Comf, much appreciated. I got that Calm app and I think it's pretty good, I like it!

Bernadette, :( it will get better in time. How about giving meditation a try? ...if you haven't already.. it's got to be worth a shot ay! And of course don't forget to look into magic mushrooms ;)
Hey Mush how are you doing my man? Still meditating? :)
I'm so happy I got you to at least try!
 
Hey Mush how are you doing my man? Still meditating?
I'm so happy I got you to at least try!


Hey Comf,


Yeah not doing tooooo badly thanks for asking. Still doing the meditation! ...It hasn't quite changed my life yet, but will take time and practice no doubt. I'm finding the guided one's quite useful which is a little odd coz I always used to prefer non-guided, someone talking all the way through always used to get on my tits!



I'm so sorry....I failed within my long thread to say that Fentanyl, I'm sure, is probably even harder to quit then what I was taking. 38 days clean though? You got this!!!


Thanks Bernadette,


Yeah quitting Fentanyl was a bitch, the first few days were absolute hell on earth, but after that really just depression and a bit of anxiety that I'm left with. I'm very thankful that I don't really have any pain to speak of.


Writing a list of things to do is a good idea, I heard something similar when I was in rehab not so long ago (for benzos that was...) it's the sort of thing I should probably do but just soo lazy ..maybe I'll put it on my list... I'll write a list about writing a list! Getting outside certainly helps too, I've got myself a mountain bike and been going out on that, luckily that weather is very nice here right now ...bit too nice actually, it's way too hot!


I love it when I get 'carded'. ..doesn't happen much these days tho ...used to hate it when I was under 18 of course ;)


You know, what you're saying about your friends, you may be surprised how understanding they'll be. All of my friends were very supportive, altho a lot of them are wreckheads too lol. I did have one friend who always used to say he'd beat the shit out of me if I ever touched Heroin, but now he'd do anything to help. Plenty of time for friends tho, as you say too soon, you should focus on your recovery first!


,..And don't be sorry for the long post!! I enjoy them ....well 'enjoy' probably isn't the right word ...I'm no sadist, I don't revel in your misery!


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