positive_orchid
Greenlighter
So about two years ago I ate the purest MDA I've ever had and it was so good that I ate it everyday for two months and like tictacs by the end. I'm not sure if you guys had access to those 'bolts' that came outta Oregon during this time but they had the signature lightning bolt on both sides and weighed 2.54 points. That's 2 and a half points of pure MDA plus a .04 binder. I had an unbelievably great time all the way until the end. By the end I started hearing Schizophrenic type voices (usually my husbands family who I was living with at the time). And for six months I was curled up in a ball under all of my pillows and blankets trying to block them out. Then soon after I was living in a false reality where I thought that I really could mentally communicate with them and they always had the harshist shit to say back. Like "Positive (My lover and soul mate) just leave her already she's not cut out to be apart of our family." When I could no longer take it I moved out and luckily my man came with me. (I'd be nothing without him.
)
So we moved in with a close family member's girlfriend's house. And to bond and have our "Girl's Day" We smoked heroin together. My first time. And for the first time since it started I was able to go a few hours without hearing anyone, no more judgement from my peers. And I got hooked on that, as well as the drug. Soon after I started shooting heroin and fell in with the wrong group of kids (my roomies friends) in a very small town in Oregon. My partner's family had to stay with us cos they were homeless so we took them in but I had been strung out for some months now. And not only was I hearing their voices in my head but others as well. Everyone who lived in an adjoining apartment. And after finally hearing my "original voices" again I decided I was going to commit suicide. I ran away and yelled at him with onlookers "To get the fuck away from me" so I could finally be alone.
I knew that the trains ran regularly and I was destined to go out that way. I hid out under an over pass and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I started to smell something. Something I've only smelled with days old road kill. I look to my right and see a shoe, a few feet from that what appeared to be a body covered in a blanket and ran. I soon found myself a few blocks over on another set of tracks but they were more well lit. The conductor saw me standing on the tracks and afraid he would slow down I hid behind a building. And right as I take my step out ready and determined I feel the train whiz past me inches from my face.
Unsuccessful I decide to drown myself in the river just a few blocks away. Been down there before at night and later during the day with the same plan was scared that one of the on lookers on the bike path would call the firefighters who had a boat for just this kind of situation. And walked my ass home at 7 in the morning to find my partner who was so worried stayed up all night crying and had just passed out. I knew from the moment I met him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him growing organic food and making mead, with goats for milk and chickens for eggs. But in order to live with my voices I had to hide my heroin usage from his family. And without it I couldn't stand my life. I loathed myself. Everyday was another day of feeling worthless but if I could get that shot (or those shots) 8( I was able to care freely interact with his family again. Just like it used to be before this all started.
But when we didn't have money for dope we started trading our kitchen appliances, stereos, whatever the fuck our dealer wanted to trade or "hold" which we never got back.8) And ended up doing dope for almost two years. But with the knowledge and practices of Mantak Chia, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle and men like Micheal Tsarion, Jordan Maxwell and David Icke and especially Aleister Crowley I've been able to make a turn around and slowly (day by day) find peace these past few months. Especially through Taoist meditations. Just thought I would share that with you guys and see if anyone can relate.
P.S. When they say to take long breaks in between uses really take it seriously because you never know what kind of side effects might arise. I was with experienced users that tried to warn me but even they couldn't have predicted those extremes. Thanks for reading and any comments will be appreciated!
) So we moved in with a close family member's girlfriend's house. And to bond and have our "Girl's Day" We smoked heroin together. My first time. And for the first time since it started I was able to go a few hours without hearing anyone, no more judgement from my peers. And I got hooked on that, as well as the drug. Soon after I started shooting heroin and fell in with the wrong group of kids (my roomies friends) in a very small town in Oregon. My partner's family had to stay with us cos they were homeless so we took them in but I had been strung out for some months now. And not only was I hearing their voices in my head but others as well. Everyone who lived in an adjoining apartment. And after finally hearing my "original voices" again I decided I was going to commit suicide. I ran away and yelled at him with onlookers "To get the fuck away from me" so I could finally be alone.
I knew that the trains ran regularly and I was destined to go out that way. I hid out under an over pass and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I started to smell something. Something I've only smelled with days old road kill. I look to my right and see a shoe, a few feet from that what appeared to be a body covered in a blanket and ran. I soon found myself a few blocks over on another set of tracks but they were more well lit. The conductor saw me standing on the tracks and afraid he would slow down I hid behind a building. And right as I take my step out ready and determined I feel the train whiz past me inches from my face.
Unsuccessful I decide to drown myself in the river just a few blocks away. Been down there before at night and later during the day with the same plan was scared that one of the on lookers on the bike path would call the firefighters who had a boat for just this kind of situation. And walked my ass home at 7 in the morning to find my partner who was so worried stayed up all night crying and had just passed out. I knew from the moment I met him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him growing organic food and making mead, with goats for milk and chickens for eggs. But in order to live with my voices I had to hide my heroin usage from his family. And without it I couldn't stand my life. I loathed myself. Everyday was another day of feeling worthless but if I could get that shot (or those shots) 8( I was able to care freely interact with his family again. Just like it used to be before this all started.
But when we didn't have money for dope we started trading our kitchen appliances, stereos, whatever the fuck our dealer wanted to trade or "hold" which we never got back.8) And ended up doing dope for almost two years. But with the knowledge and practices of Mantak Chia, Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle and men like Micheal Tsarion, Jordan Maxwell and David Icke and especially Aleister Crowley I've been able to make a turn around and slowly (day by day) find peace these past few months. Especially through Taoist meditations. Just thought I would share that with you guys and see if anyone can relate.
P.S. When they say to take long breaks in between uses really take it seriously because you never know what kind of side effects might arise. I was with experienced users that tried to warn me but even they couldn't have predicted those extremes. Thanks for reading and any comments will be appreciated!
