Heaven

[MisterPoetry]

if I could eclipse Times line I'd find what I was looking for
but only my minds eye can see above the tree peaks, I'm on the forest floor
confused, wandering deeper in and towards more confusion
in a leaf hooded, wooded sea treading liquid earth, man overboard in dillusion
a storm exorbitantly brews in, above, and around my intrusion of Nature
the same soothing vapor used to move me to the seclusion he placed her
Times locked me and Nature in chained dirt, but we haven't lost rank
we're still top of the chain, and looking for more redemption than shawshank
we often glimpse up eyes closed high hoped but it leaves our thoughts shamed
her and I wish we were birds to fly, but can't seem to get our albatross tamed
the problem is we've got lost aim and we need blind marksmanship
caught in the grip of a leftist dictator trying to make hierarchy slip
[ 13 March 2003: Message edited by: MisterPoetry ]

 

[nephil]

I like this alot...very good work!
Reading it outloud a few times, it really sounded much better aloud than in my mind.

 

[Nik137]

that poem flowed beautifully...
if you'd like the suggestion (and it is only a suggestion) maybe break up your lines a bit, it'll have an awesome affect on the way people read it when they're not reading aloud.
lovin it tho, nice work
-Niks-

 

[mini sari]

Lovin' this one, Good work.