Ligaturd
Bluelighter
Hey man. This is REAL reality.
I hate to make fun of mental illness, but this is, by far, the most entertaining thread on BL for me.
Look - y'all have drug induced psychosis. Yeah, I know you "know its not schizophrenia because the voices are really there".
You also smoke a lot of meth or use adderal or vyvanse or whatever other stimulant you're on.
Lay off the shit and go see a fucking doctor before you become a threat to yourself or society (or that pesky neighbor who you're certain is spending 24 hours of his day sending you "brain zaps" using DARPA/HAARP/magic "technology").
Jesus-fucking-Murphy!
I would take a very lengthy post for me to express my opinion on this completely, but I belive in higher consciousness and some form of ESP.....I believe in spirits and I believe everyone sends and receives telepathic signals on a low level......To experience these kinds of energies, your consciousness has to be raised, but if this consciousness is raised sontaneously through drugs or trauma, it can result in con-currently occuring delusions or hallucinations, and it's a fine line.......
Ideally, I like to have it where I experience things like taste, sights and sounds intensely but not SO intensely that it's too much to process.....Over-analyzing these things and trying to rationalize them and control them is where I think psychosis can start to kick in.....I think slowing down your thinking by breathing exercises and engaging in grounding activities like cleaning, yard work or quiet walks can help in coming down from this state....
Sometimes, I'll be normal and something stressful or emotionally intense will trigger me into this "higher perception" when I'm not really in the mood to deal with it, it can be frightening and overwhelming but I can usually bring it back down to normal by just focusing on what I'm actually experiencing through my senses rather than my thoughts, ideas and interpetations about things....
Read about Kundalini, it may help you to understand these kinds of things better or it may make it worse for you if you become obsessed with it.....
Of course, some people who've never experienced these things pretty much think their is no spirituality or higher conscioussness and ignorantly assume their own normal waking perception is bedrock sanity and anyone who thinks there's something more is crazy.....They'll smugly post a bunch psycho babble mumbo jumbo, overintellectualize the whole thing and masturbate all over your ideas, so be prepared for that....
Of course your post is so long, I don't know how many people can actually get through it....
The problem is that those who ARE suffering from drug-induced psychosis (this is a drug use board...it's the most common denominator) are feeding off of each other's reports and experiences and being moved in the wrong direction.
Notice that I said "go see a fucking doctor". Instead, they're sitting around and feeding off each other's delusions, causing people to go out and research "targeted persons" etc and getting further away from getting any actual help and instead getting stuck in la-la land.
If you didn't get here using a glass dick then good on you. But half of these guys report "I smoked drug x and then experienced symptom y, therefore the government, doctors, family and neighbors are all digitally attacking my mind." They link together over here and validate each other's delusions which causes them to stray further from treatment.
I'm really not trying to be a dick, although I must admit I do find it somewhat amusing. But I seriously don't mean to make fun of illness of any sort, but when someone won't put down a glass dick and is convinced that the government has singled them out for targeting of electronic warfare to read their minds and drive them mad, I can't just sit by and say nothing.
Sometimes I'm harsh in my assessments. I'll admit that. But there are definitely people here who need help and the only way they're going to get it is by being realistic about their situation, not by collaborating with each other to expand their delusions and put themselves beyond the reach of medical intervention.
I do sincerely apologize for any offense I've caused anyone, and yes, I know not EVERYONE is suffering from meth psychosis or substance-precipitated schizophrenia. But for those that are, they seem to be the majority.
Untreated schizophrenia is a leading cause of homelessness, social/economic alienation, and a plethora of other terrible life outcomes.
I'm just trying to bring another perspective into the fold, because just about every new post feeds more and more into the idea that this is normal, it's ok, and you're not doing anything wrong and don't need medical attention. That's the real crime, not my shitty sense of humor.
While reading your post I can definitely agree with a lot that you said!!! Really these voices are horrible to the point that its pathetic how they want a reaction. They are so constant you would think who has the time to sit up and talk about ones life day and night 24hours? It can't be real humans it has to be some kind of energy evil demons or forces we can't seem to wrap our mind around. This started for me a while ago I was about 17years old I started using cocaine. I never in my life had mental issues I was aware of until this time. I went through the phase of thinking humans could read my mind. Also things started getting weird like humming noises from trucks passing my house are simply the fan chanting like an evil spirit or as if it was possesed. Well it all got to bad because I couldn't go anywhere without thinking negative thoughts and people around me reacting as if they could hear my thoughts. I remember being on a plane and thinking I'm going to blow this plane up knowing that's something I would never think of people started giving me looks and stares as if scared I would actually do it. Another thing I've never been a homosexual as for I am a female but this thing really tripped me out. Before I married my husband whom is military I was taking my first trip to go see him and before I went to see him I never had dreams or anything of the such I found it weird that before I flew to see him I was given a dream of my ex and his friend two men on the floor naked about to have sex. It was crazy for I never seen anything like this. But for some reason once I got down to Virginia where my fiance was at this point I started seeing gay behavior from him. Every time we went out he would look at a man as if he wanted him and the mam would do the same. For I was very beautiful back then with lovely features and a gorgeous body it made me very uncomfortable it was almost as if he was taking the male attention off me. He never shared this eye contact with another woman I never felt competive with another woman because I knew she couldn't compete but as far as with a man oh my God I knew I couldn't compete because a man has something I could never have and that's a penis. If that's what my husband longed for I knew I could never make him happy or I knew I could never be good enough. Well I loved my husband so much I would do anything to make him love me I tried things like playing with his butt or even going to the extreme and treating him as if he were a woman I would suck his toes , buy him flowers or even try to indulge in homosexual porn to see if he showed any signs of being gay. By this time I ended up moving in with him due to my situation of being so young and not having anywhere to go. I lived with him and during this time I was doing coke everyday. I didn't necessarily hear voices but I heard chants and just constant mmmmmms that wouldn't go away for nothing like someone just left a vacuum on in my head and never turned it off. Me and my husband had also became very very violent we would fight as if our lives depended on it. I remember him almost taking my life after throwing my wedding ring down the garbage disposal and turning it on he choked me until I couldn't breathe I pissed myself. Looking back I wished he would have so I wouldn't have to feel this suffering I feel today. Well anyway things got so crazy that hands started turning to him not only being gay but being intimate with his blood brother.. I always got some feeling from him like I just knew something wasn't right. I'll touch on this more. But anyway while still in Virginia I experienced the worst kinds of dreams that would scare my husband into waking me up asking am I okay. The worst I had was laying downstairs and I remember being dropped into a black hole and being really scared within seconds as of someone sparked a lighter a flame burst and started to set me a fire but before that even happened soon as the fire started I woke up and there was an elteric shock through my whole house that scared me. Also I had a dream of lots of people even loved ones throwing things at me , talking about me as if I was an outcast to the world kind of explains my situation right now and to think that was 3/4years ago. Well anyway I moved to California due to my husband being in the military even after all that of thinking and really feeling in my heart he was homosexual I married him anyway. Well once we got here I started smoking weed and as I told you I liked cocaine I couldn't seem to get my hands on it so I ended up trying meth. That was the first time ever in my life I went through a pychotic break. I never mentioned but I use to be real religious and for some reason every time I got high I would like to go and read the bible which this time was a death sentence. I was so high that the bible words seem to talk to me and say the craziest things... About the 6th wheel I stayed in a apartment like on the 10th 12th floor I was high above. I ended up busting out all the windows thinking my family was at my door here to kill me because they thought I won the lottery which is a whole bother story. For the first time I heard voices not just any voices but familiar voices like my mom , my dad my husband it was all to fake but at that time was to real to me. I was seeing faces of people I knew this was the worse experience I ever faced in my life that lead me up to where I am now which is not a good place. Well once they finally got me into the ambulance which I swore they where going to just shoot me in the head and just dump my body. I finally gave in and said take me and have me what a experience that was pure hell I tell you that. I got to the hospital thinking this was a hospital specially trained to kill certain individuals in families and across from my room I heard my family as if they were there as if they gave me up to die as if I were their sacfrice all I could think of was WHY ME??? I remember ripping out my iv and running down the hall trying to escape this murder scene I remember making it outside and seeing people outside the gate and saying to them remember me!!! And screaming until the restrained me and I woke up in a pysic ward where I continued to hear voices as well as feel there was something watching me on the outside. I finally got out of the hospital and I felt much better that was the last time I EVERRR did meth. Things continued sour but I would be writing all day to include all those things. Well anyway things seemed normal up until my husband went into his first deployment and my life hasn't been the same. Before he left things were going crazy supernatural weird things begin happenening this is when I started questioning god which I deeply believed in. Well anyway things started going very crazy as in to weird I remember hearing people talk as if my husband was out on his ship and his command was here watching my every move but not only that they were talking to me crazy saying things with very little meaning even simple things of loud noises and farts which I found weird. This is when things got personal.. I been singing since I was a little girl that use to be something I loved to do , it wasn't something I planned on doing as a career or anything even though some people thought I was really good and some other didn't. Well anyway I found myself spending large amounts of my time in the shower singing. If I could post my videos I swear I'd be famous I sounded so great better than I ever had my entire life as if my voice was controlled by some force off in the distance. Well anyway as good as it sounds this is when all hell broke lose and music became the bullet to my brain. Even though those videos were really good I couldn't stand to watch them it was as if a ghost would jump inside the camera and make me say things or make me have this nasty ass attitude where is to I'm rolling my eyes as if I'm possessed oh my god horrible. I remember listening to music and one day out the blue clear as day this guy says "Your breath stanks" I couldn't believe what I had just heard I knew I could hear and I wasn't high on drugs I couldn't figure out wtf he was talking about and I remember listening again to another song with keyshia Cole and as you remember from the beginging I couldn't put my finger on if he was gay or not (even still until this day we been married 3and a half years been together for 5years , son on the way also). Well anyway this woman who I don't even know do you know out in her song she plainly stops her famous lyrics and include my PRIVATE life in her song says my real name and all you want to know what she says "Shaenavia he's gay" I almost died right there like bitch what did you just say and she repeats it as if its nothing "He's gay" my heart was so very hurt I couldn't believe after all this invitigating I did on trying to see the truth about my own marriage in just that very moment some woman can just tell me something that I had wondered on for years. It hurt like holy hell. Well after that things weren't the same I couldn't stay be myself voices noises and all kinds of things I remember setting my head on fire not on purpose but it just happened. I knew from that point on there was no God. There was no hope for the human people we are all doomed and they told me this through my self. I ended up going back home to Florida and things were the worst things that normally wouldnt bother me bothered me. Noises seemed louder and more aggravating then normal and people werernt there normal selfes. One thing that gets me even to this day is someone sniffing there nose at me or someone around me having a runny nose. Omg it just grinds my gears its just the devil way of being funny and to remind me he thinks I smell. But its so weird because I don't seem to catch my breath at all but the weird thing about it is my husband has had really really bad breath our whole entire marriage. That was the reason I broke up with him during high school . I don't know how we ended up getting back together but we did. Honestly my husband has the best sex better than any man I've ever been with. He was the first ever to make me cum and I think I fell in love with his penis more than him himself. We had a very strong sexually connection thats why I could never understand him being homosexual I just thought I was that lucky woman to have a man only intreasted in me as a woman only but not me as a person because I still feel he desired a man over me. Well anyway about the brother thing... Its so crazy because there was a picture posted to a page I use to stalk on fb ... Everything about that page led me to believe this was a fake page my husband made to keep up with his male companion his brother. Well anyway this picture looked just as my house did to the point I knew and still feel that could of possibly been him. To the dining set to the door and duct tape they used to try to cover things up I just knew it was him. Of course the faces were cropped out bit what got me was just after this photo he went and got my name tattoo on his wrist which was weird because of the picture it was like he was trying to unidentify hisself by covering his tracks. Which I feel is crazy but fucking your brother is crazy so who knows really. But what gets me is the voices I hear I hear his brothers voice a lot calling his name saying Phillip. Not only that the voices I hear have some kind of power over this earth like they can just run free messing up peoples lives every time I go out I see his brothers car you better believe I thought this was a joke the first time I swore I was on a TV show and someone was pranking me I couldn't believe this was real.not only do I see the car but as nasty as these voices are just imagine the things they would say to me. Even if I watch a movie its like its about my life they stop their scripp just to involve me into some kind of hurt pattern. Just them saying brother males me quesy that's such a common word so it's not like I can just get over it. So just imagine my life .... At one point they blamed it on the music industry that its the evil eye the 666 the new world order crap but honestly its so much deeper than that to me . granted listening to music sucks because they sing lyrics I know that aren't suppose to be there as well as make we sound like bee or all kinds of non sense. Man my pain I feel is daily I can't go out without people commenting on my life saying eww to me or yuck or anything period. As if I don't think the same of them. I see people way worse then me but I seem to get all the critics. Oh don't let me get started these voices are repetive they talk about my breath to the point where its ridiculous. People don't even know me can walk past me and rub their nose or pet peeve me with a sniffing sound. Its horrible don't let me go grocery shopping little kids walk past me and say eww.. I can hear it plain as day or her breath stinks or I can go outside there's his brothers car or a dump truck sitting there reminding me as if I don't hear it enough from the voices alone. This is the worst pain I've ever felt its everyday all day every waking second of my life. My mind isn't even its own I can't think without them being rude and just saying mhmm or I can hear you or stfu bitch or you yuck mouth ass bitch or brush your teeth and end it with a brushing sound or sniffle. They are super duper cruel to me. I question humanity I question the god that promised us a better life and that we could trust him. I find myself cussing out everybody and its so hard as I'm 36weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I'm so scared to bring him in this world knowing that this could be his future and specially with me thinking his father is gay its like God what am I suppose to do as his mother I'm suppose to protect my son how I feel helpless I try to commit suicide in any and every way possible its been a rough pregnancy but I plan on taking my life after my son is born. I can't bear to feel I'll feelings about my son or get upset with him or even allow the spirits to use him to hurt me. I've already been at am ultrasound and they had my own baby that i m carrying that I've been sick over this whole pregnancy me his own mom have to see my son in the womb saying your breath stanks or holding his nose. Impossible right ?? Nah its all to true. I'm hurting and I know these voices will never leave ... I feel the only way is suicide . I can't be here another 5 10 years allowing for such evil spirits to control me. I can't go to school I can't get a job I can't even stay in an apartment because of the voices beating on the walls and blaming the neighbors or having the neighbors themselves do some fucked up shit to hurt me and what hurts is they side with the neighbors as if they aren't human like me!!! I question them what did I do why are you doing this... The shit they do is so evil you would think they were all in a room just laughing at me. Like this is their only sole purpose in life to make me suffer as if I'm dead in hell burning and don't even know it. There's nobody that can help me I envyy husband because he just looks down on me.. He works and he sits here with bad breath but yet and still rubb his nose or sniffle at me as if his shit doesn't stank I know its the demons but I can't always bring myself to believe that. He hurts me in so many ways and then to turn around and say he loves me is like a bullet to the head. I just don't know what to do I refuse to talk to doctors because anyone I talk to is like talking to the demon itself. I can't go on living like this. To think these very people favored me or played me to believe that could turn against me so fast as if they never had a heart at all. I'm so hurt you just don't even know. I don't know who to pray to who to talk to or who to put my faith in. All I know is what they tell me and that's a no good fat stank yuck mouth bitch as in their own words. My soul has been tooken away from me and as I say that I hear that little voice not even inside my head anymore there so bold he just throws me a nasty as NAH like bitch this is what you get for living on my earth.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10 NIV
http://bible.com/111/1pe.5.10.NIV
You know, I've been an atheist 95% of my life. I had the craziest two weeks of demonic dreams that I can still recall them several years later. Crazy stuff, I could go on a tangent about the experience but it would just sound...crazy. I started going to church and becoming more spiritual and they stopped.