TDS Health problems becoming unbearable

[Artificial Emotion]

There's nothing really wrong with me mentally. I mean they call me schizophrenic because I'm gangstalked (community mobbed) which is basically being harrassed by the community - neighbors, strangers, even the police and security services. I have a friend who lives two doors who also gets ganstalked and was the one that opened my eyes to what is going on in our society. Anyway that's not why I'm writing this because I can cope with this. What is affecting my mental state is my physical health problems. I have developed nerve problems which is making my hands and feet go numb. I have a feeling it's from my abuse of GBL and chloral hydrate in the past, amongst other things. I'd rather not talk about that because I don't want to face what's happening to me in that respect since I know I probably will lose the ability to walk and possibly worse. What is bothering me is the present physical discomfort of my physical health problems. The back pain, the shooting pain in my legs, the tightness in my chest they cannot diagnose. It's gotten to the point where regularly I am starting to think that if life continues like this I might be better off topping myself just to get some rest, albeit permanently. I had hope that the doctors would be able to help me but it's becoming painfully obvious that they have no idea what's wrong, much less how to treat my problems.

The only issue is I just know I would never have the bottle to actually kill myself. So here I am, in a perpetual state of torture with no way out. I could cope with this if I was 60 years old. Hell, even 45, but I'm not. I'm in my late 20s and I still haven't lived my life so I basically feel cheated. I always used to see disabled people and selfishly think god I feel sorry for you but thank fuck I am not you. I just couldn't imagine being so unlucky - it always seemed to be something that affecting other people, not me. But now I am one of those people and I don't know what to do. I never believed in karma but it does feel like I am getting what I deserve for being a complete cunt the whole of my life. Not on the sort of level of many people but I could definitely have been a better person and I do feel guilty for that. I don't know why I am posting this, I suppose I just wanted to ask what I should do? I know my life is basically over in that I will never be able to work again or even enjoy myself and I'm feeling a bit desperate and alone, because I don't really feel like anyone truly appreciates just how hard things are for me at the moment.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey AE.. sending a little love your way. I got so sick for so long.. yeah they had a name for what I had but they didn't know shit about it. Didn't turn up on a single test. Spent tons and tons of money on doctors and they did absolutely nothing.. And I mean allot of drs and allot of money. I new there wasn't much research going into my disease (sarcoidosis) because not many people get it so there wasn't any money to make off it. Also most Doctors didn't now jack about it.. I cant even count how many times I heard "oh that lung disease out of a well educated persons lips."

I almost gave up.. and I had many of the same symptoms you describe.. and right when I was about to give up.. I got 100% better well over four years of hell after i first got sick.. I read all my medical charts from all those dr and all those years and I switched all my meds and I got better finally.. the body is an amazing thing and I would never loose hope that you will get better.

What have the contemplated this illness is if you want to share?

Again sending some love AE

 

[Captain.Heroin]

AE

You are an amazing person with a gifted mind.

Gifted minds can be burdensome; but it leaves you as a wise and intelligent member of society. You can always change where you live.

 

[ToBeReborn]

AE, as a fellow back/leg pain sufferer, I truly feel sorry that you are going through this and it is no surprise that it has caused you to feel so down and in despair. I know exactly how that feels and how alone it makes you feel. I am 36 and like you, my health issues started and grew unmanageable in my 20s and by my late 20s, I felt exactly like you. Chronic back/leg pain and a tight chest is a horrendous way to live and people truly don't understand what it does to you unless they have been there themselves.

I wonder, have your doctors considered MS or tested you for it? Without wishing to alarm you, sometimes people with MS get severe pain and chest tightness known as the "MS hug" and it can be a long journey to diagnosis, average time for many people is around 7+ years. It is very tiring and difficult trying to manage long term pain, whatever the cause and the ambiguity over diagnosis does not help at all. You have to push hard within the NHS to get anything done at all, it is a nightmare.

It may be useful for you to ask to see a rehabilitation doctor and explore cortisone injections or other similar pain management strategies. Sometimes doctors can be very unhelpful and I know how tough it is dealing with the NHS and being passed around. The first thing you really need is to go and be persistent about getting a referral to a pain management clinic. It is no surprise that you are feeling suicidal given that you are living with chronic pain that is clearly not being managed properly, which would make anyone desperate and frightened and worried over the future.

You are not alone, so please feel free to message me, even if it just to talk to someone that understands.