ForEverAfter
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2012
- Messages
- 2,836
Yeah it bothers me how functional I am while drinking. I can completely suppress a hangover to the point that it is unnoticeable. I have to, for work. When I'm drinking, I drink everywhere at all hours of the day. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Then, generally, I will wake up after a couple of hours and start drinking again in the middle of the night or early morning. Grab another couple of hours sleep, wake up and start drinking again. I used to be restricted by my car. Having to drive made it impossible to be a full-blown alcoholic. So I stopped driving. Sold my car. It's not as bad as it used to be. I used to buy bottles of coke and fill them half with bourbon so I could drink during University classes because those two hours were impossible to tackle without being pissed. You learn to overcome the effects of alcohol. People often don't believe how much I've had to drink because I maintain relative composure instead of rolling around on the floor. The thing is, I don't even like alcohol. It's just a replacement for drugs. I make the mistake of separating the two. If I've got a drug problem, it's better to be an alcoholic. And if I've got a drinking problem, it's better to be an addict. I'm coming to the decision that I should just be an addict. That I should just accept that. Illegal drugs are probably not as bad for me as alcohol. Though, I suspect, that I drink too much because I know it will lead me towards making this decision. I abuse the fuck out of alcohol, so that drugs seem better by comparison. And then I don't have to worry about it. Like, now, I think it's a good idea to trip. I've created this scenario in which taking drugs is a positive step. A step in the right direction, being any direction away from alcohol. I still haven't had a drink today. Just weed. Still, I am anxious as an electrified shit. My brain needs to be warped in some way.