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He just broke up with me......

Well that sucks neo, I'm having trouble with my gf too. The other day I went waaay of the handle and told her to F off, she was crazy, a nut bag, then I stupidly went further and explained to her forcefully she makes me physically sick dealing with her crap. Sooo regret that. She wouldn't talk to me for a day and I've apologized, so I guess I will see where it goes from here. Never mind that she wants to argue with me when I've had a kidney stone stuck in my ureter for 2 months and I have been in the worst shape dealing with this crap.

I just keep getting image of a girl screaming at her husband (telling him to fuck off) in the throes of giving birth, well I like to imagine roles were reversed except it was me giving birth to a fricken 2 month old kidney stone. I don't think she would see it the same way as me though.

Good luck!
 
I'm so sorry to hear this Miss n3o :(

I know what it's like to have your heart ripped out of your chest by people who claimed to love and care about you. I know what it's like to believe people when it turns out that they didn't mean any of it. It's a horrible hole and it feels like there is no way out but there is always a way out. You will be loved like you deserve to be loved. You are too wonderful a person to go throughout life without love, heck, you're surrounded with it right now!

So, you cry your tears and you hold that anger for just a day or two and then you let it go. You can't force closure when the other party is unwilling. You have to reconcile with the fact that you may not ever get the answers you think you so desperately need. You don't need them though because your life is still in motion, it didn't stop because of this. Besides, someone who truly cared for you wouldn't leave you in the dark so why waste your time worrying about someone who doesn't worry about you?

Just take it one moment at a time. Go for a walk in the wilderness, immerse yourself in school work, go play with puppies at the local animal shelter, fill up any spare moments you have to overthink things with positive distractions, distractions that make YOU happy and that make you feel whole. Put one foot in front of the other, girl, I know you can do it <3
 
You will be loved like you deserve to be loved. You are too wonderful a person to go throughout life without love, heck, you're surrounded with it right now!

What this lovely lady said, in orders of magnitude.

n3o, your love for the world and your immense sensitivity shine so brightly. As difficult as it is to beat the demons of alcohol and heartache, I know you are capable of so doing. I struggled with them for many years; that may happen in the future. We don't know. My little life got better when I did just what others recommended - to take care of myself and to allow minimal, if any, feelings of discouragement.

A period of sobriety, health and healing together with your friends on and off BL will benefit you greatly. I promise. And you know how to reach me if you'd like to talk.

Love and strength <3
 
Some of you may recall a recent thread I posted about my boyfriend and I, when we were having some issues. I thought we worked it out. Apparently not.

We had another more recent conflict, and despite going to couples counselling and despite me trying to implement all the strategies we'd learned in therapy together, nothing worked.

I'm sober, I'm working SO hard on taking care of my emotions and trying to be stable, and I'm getting so much better every day. But after a week of not contacting me at all (which was HELLISH for me, SO fucking difficult to hold back and not contact him, but he specifically requested I not do so, so I honoured him that), I rang him today and he broke up with me.

I just don't understand why he's doing this NOW, when I am getting better, staying sober, and working so hard to make things right. I never even did anything bad to him when I was drunk before (which is now weeks ago). I do not understand why my hard work to fix things has been met with THIS. I don't know why he is doing this. He won't even talk to me. When I rang him to talk about it, I was asking questions like "Why are you doing this?" and "When did you decide this?" and "Why won't you give me a chance to show you I'm getting better?"....but they were all met with complete and utter silence. SILENCE! I have zero clue as to what the fuck is going on.

I love this man so much, I only want him and I only see a future with him. I've worked so hard for our relationship and not only is he not seeing the merit of my efforts but he's totally giving up. What can I do?? :(

he said dont contact him for a week? do you have any clue as to why he might have told you that? sounds MIGHTY shady if you ask me. with that being said i think it is important for you to concentrate on you right now. if you are trying to live sober and healthy then you need to be a bit selfish and take care of you and only you. bringing people aboard your sober ship often weighs the boat down, depending on the people and their baggage its only a matter of time before the people and their issues become too much and the sober boat sinks.

as someone else has said, pick yourself up and move on....although my suggestion is you just move on with your life, not move onto another guy. if you are doing good at sobriety and are serious about it i would strongly urge you to cut a great deal of people (and their emotions/bullshit) out of your life. im not sure what substance you are trying to stay away from but ime taking a try at sobriety never adds up when you bring a b/f or g/f along for the ride.


besides, he sounds like a douche bag.....NBD JS
 
He has been a fucking douchebag but I love him so much. I don't want to be with anyone else and I can't move on from him :(

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone. I just.....I really need to try and work things out with him. I am so in love with him and all I see in my future is him.

Memphis, I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for weeks now, I'm on naltrexone, and I'm seeing my therapist once a week. I was going to AA meetings but then my uni exams started so I don't have time for meetings at the moment. I'm doing all I possibly can. He still says "You need help". What more help can I get??? I can't actually go to rehab at the moment because of exams, and then it will be the holidays and I don't think rehabs are open over the holidays. So I'm kinda stuck. There's nothing more I can do right now, yet he still refuses to acknowledge the progress I'm making.

I just.....I would NEVER ever do this to him, even if he was hopelessly addicted to heroin, I would never abandon him like this, especially if he was making as active progress as I currently am. And I've told him that. (by the way he doesn't abuse any substance so that's never going to happen).

First and foremost we were friends, and you don't treat a friend like this.

But I love him so much, I can't give up :(
 
Bullshit, n3o! You have to forget him and move on.

Fuck the "friend" shit, too. No real friend would do what he did.

It will continue to hurt but the pain will be over quicker if you hold steady and forget about him. Go back to him and you are setting yourself up for the whole thing to wrong, again.
 
^^ Thank you <3 I am just waiting for the pain to subside and I guess by thinking that I can go back to him, I'm hoping that will ease the pain. But you're so right, it will only set me up for this to happen again. I can never trust him not to do this to me again :(


IME relationships always end when one person gets sober even if the other person is sober or not.
Why is that though?? It doesn't make sense. He wanted me to get sober, I wanted to get sober, so I got sober, and now this???? Why is this a phenomenon??
(by the way he does not have any substance abuse issues at all)

Did he just answer the phone and not speak? If that's the case maybe he was pre-occupied if you catch my drift.
Nah he answered and we chatted for a bit like: Me: "can we talk about us?", Him: "what is there to say?", that kinda stuff. Then proceeded with me begging for him to not do this and asking why and when he came to this decision. That's when all my questions were met with total silence. It was excruciating to say the least.
If you were implying he was with another woman, he is definitely not the kind of person who would cheat. I know him very well and he just would never ever do that.


he said dont contact him for a week? do you have any clue as to why he might have told you that?
He just said he wanted some space, and we have been to couples counselling, and in those sessions we came to the conclusion that when he said he wants space, he really wants space, which means me not contacting him for however long he needs. So I just waited to hear from him, and I didn't hear from him for a week.
 
i don't have much to add to this thread, but i just wanted to say i know that feels n3o. my gf of 6 years broke up with me abruptly about a year ago, and basically gave me the total silent treatment and won't answer my calls or return my texts. it sucks worse than anything when a relationship ends that way. i just wanted to say that i know how you feel and i hope you feel better soon.
 
I'm sorry! Congratulations on your sobriety. I've never been through this, so I don't know what to say, but you deserve better! I think focusing on just yourself for a while would do you great.
 
When I was younger, and much better looking, I moved from one relationship straight into another.

I've been single for almost seven years now, flings and all.

It may be better to try and be alone for awhile. As painful as it seems now, I think it may benefit you to stay single until you have your feelings sorted.

There is a certain amount of introspection and self-discovery that can only be accomplished in solitude.

imo of course

your mileage can and will vary

:)
 
First and foremost we were friends, and you don't treat a friend like this.

But I love him so much, I can't give up :(

Au contraire!!

Yes you love him, you will probably always leave some space in your heart for him. Alas, you cannot tango alone so you must find a dance, your very own dance, to sway to. You can do this. It feels impossible and it feels like the pain will never end but it does. You are a very strong person and you have a lot going for you. You think you need him, but you don't. You need to depend on yourself and pull your boot straps up and fight your own fight. You can't be on an emotional roller coaster and stay sober and finish school. He may not have a dependency but he clearly has issues, communication issues first and foremost. Finish taking care of yourself and let yourself heal.
 
Thank you everyone <3

I can already feel myself getting over him. I hate what he's done SO much, and there is no excuse for hurting someone like this. I can never trust him in the same way again.
 
this might have been the clean break you needed. if you have been subconsciously waiting for him, and he's not really the guy you remember, this is a very healthy event. otherwise, other relationships may not have been given a real chance.

<3
 
Why is that though?? It doesn't make sense. He wanted me to get sober, I wanted to get sober, so I got sober, and now this???? Why is this a phenomenon??
(by the way he does not have any substance abuse issues at all)

^
Originally posted by n3ophy7e, I accidently deleted the quote thing and damn girl your bl handle is hard to type, I had to scroll up 3 times as I typed your name in


It definitely is something that happens a lot. I was in a relationship each time I went to detox. So 3 trips to detox and 3 long terms relationships ended there. Then I got on suboxone with an ex gf and well she wanted to use and I didn't so we broke up. We got back together again after I relapsed but shit wasn't the same between use and that relationship ended to. I recently had a gf go to detox and come out using a lot of drugs and I wasn't really doing any drugs then but I ended up breaking up with her because she started acting crazy.

So that's five relationships in my life that ended right when at least one person got clean. 3 of the relationships I didn't want to end and two of them, well I wanted them over.

I think its because by the time someone is ready to get clean things are not going well. Often times when someone decides to go to rehab or detox or just get clean they have a lot of problems. Sometimes legal or sometimes their lives are just out of control. I can say my last gf's life was way out of control and I was just being nice by not dumping her until she got out of rehab. I definitely was more than already sick of her shit.

The gal I got clean with I really liked. I wanted her to get clean, but as much as she wanted to get clean she kept putting it off. Even after jumping on suboxone she wanted to use and didn't care if she had to go thru the waiting period again. It was too much for my sobriety. It was also lame cuz she would be dealing with some sketchy people and wasting time and money. I feel there is a right and wrong way to go about obtaining drugs if you must use them.

I didn't want to deal with a lot of drug missions and she seemed to not be able to not be patient or smart with the way she went about things and ended up dealing with annoying blood-sucking dope feinds and their lies and lil piddly shit dope missions. I cannot stand all that. I know that's a bit of a tangent but it really bothered me how she would risk her freedom instead of just buying all her shit at once from someone you could trust instead of playing into peoples lies. She was rather naïve and if someone said they could get something she would blindly follow.

I got sober once and I really found a gf annoying when I wasn't drunk everyday. So yeah she had to go.

Another time I got sober a gals father had a problem with it and her mother called me up and was like marry her or we don't want you to date her anymore. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with that family. She wrote to me for a long time after we broke up. I was just like yo can't we just date for a while, I am not going to marry you after dating 6 months and well her parents made shit difficult by manipulating her finances and shit like that. I just said fuck it, cuz I sure as fuck didn't want to let her move in with me.

The other time a gal dumped me cuz she was still using and I wasn't and I was like can we still fuck and she was like sure. We kept fucking for years, up until pretty recently actually. That shit went on for almost ten years with her. But before I had stopped drinking we were in a rather serious relationship.

So yeah I think its two things. If one person still wants to use would be one. The other is what I said before and that would be that shit wasn't going that well to begin with whether in the relationship or in life in general.

Really in the long run I don't care that any but one of these relationships ended. I am over the gal all the same, but I think it could have gone somewhere. It just didn't. Its too late now and that's fine and I just wish the best for her. I suppose if she called me I would see her, but I would think twice before getting emotions involved.

I am glad I am not the only person this happens to. I thought it was just me in terms of getting clean killing relationships.
 
Yeah I think you're right about what you said, that by the time I'd gotten sober, the damage was already done and he was already sick of my shit. I suppose that could be true. Even though I didn't ever really GIVE him any shit when I was drunk! Drunk me is so similar to Sober me, I just slur a bit lol.

It just hurts that he turned his back on me when I was doing really well. AND it hurts that he didn't give me a chance. I thought I knew this guy and I thought I could trust him not to hurt me. But he's hurt me more than anyone else ever has.

Anyway I am done with him forever. I've closed the door. There is no excuse for hurting someone you love like this. I'm moving on and it's his loss.
 
Its actually good to be single when you get clean. I had an ex stick around for a couple weeks and make sure I was ok.

She and I are still friends and she genuinely cared about me. I was with her for over two years and she is the only women I never cheated on in a long term relationship. Its just that things had gone south for both of us. We could have stayed together and acted like we loved each other, but we just liked each other.
 
Yeah I think you're right about what you said, that by the time I'd gotten sober, the damage was already done and he was already sick of my shit. I suppose that could be true. Even though I didn't ever really GIVE him any shit when I was drunk! Drunk me is so similar to Sober me, I just slur a bit lol.

It just hurts that he turned his back on me when I was doing really well. AND it hurts that he didn't give me a chance. I thought I knew this guy and I thought I could trust him not to hurt me. But he's hurt me more than anyone else ever has.

Anyway I am done with him forever. I've closed the door. There is no excuse for hurting someone you love like this. I'm moving on and it's his loss.

^ it would be anyone's loss to have missed out on a lifetime of being with you n3o <3

you are simply amazing - don't lose sight of that Hun. I'm glad you're moving on - I know how hard it can be.
 
Ok girl, I have been here too. It felt so miserable, but honestly he is jerk off. You know it isn't like you are asking for a gold watch by asking some simple questions. The way he is treating you right now isn't a reflection of the time, thought, and love that you have put into this relationship. I know how bad it hurts, really bad, a guy did something similar to me. Guess what happened? I stopped calling him, started getting busy (or at least acting busy because I didn't wan to look like a desperate bimbo), started going out again and talking to new guys...low and behold after sometime passed he wanted to hang out again. Take back control and don't let him make you feel like shit. You got this girl!
 
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