At around 10:30 last night, I took the 10 seeds I had crushed up the night before and stuck the majority of them in my lower lip. The rest went under my tongue. I sat there for 30 minutes, doing anything I could to keep my mind off the horrible taste. By the time I hit 29 minutes, I thought I was going to hurl right there, but I kept them the last minute just for an even number.
After I went and spit them out, I came back in my room feeling kind of irritated because from other reports I thought I should have been feeling something by then. My pupils were slightly dilated though.
I honestly can't remember how long it took, I'd probably say about half an hour later I was hit with the nausea. I went from my chair to my bed at least 100 times, trying to hold back the vomit.
It wasn't until around 1:15 that I finally won the battle. I was just sitting there, and I felt this tingle spread throughout my body extremely quickly. At that point I was pretty messed up.
It was weird how everything seemed to make so much sense at the time. I got that feeling of "I could stay like this forever." That passed as soon as I started talking to my ex-girlfriend on AIM. It was cool though, because I finally realized how I was acting because it was like.. I could see both sides of the situation with my newfound fuck-upness. No one cares about that though.
After that, I put a movie in and sat back down in front of the computer. Everytime I looked back, it seemed like the movie had skipped to a different part, but one before what had already happened. At the same time I was trying to watch a movie on my computer, but it wasn't cooperating. I'm not entirely sure what happened, because I can't get it to do it now, but it seemed like all the movies were set to play at 'fast' speed. I kept clicking play menu to try and alter the speed, but the text was grey'ed out so I couldn't click on it. It did that with almost every movie except the ones I didn't want to watch.
Eventually, I gave up on watching a movie and figured I should go to bed since it was 4am. Yeah right.
I laid down and could not sit still. I kept doing weird shit like putting my fingers in my mouth, taking them out, and wondering if I ever did it. Everything I did, I was confused as to whenther or not I did it. I could actively sit there and go, "I am going to forget I'm thinkin this." and a second later, I'd feel like I didn't really just think it and that my mind was playing tricks on me.
This went on for 3 fucking hours. I just wanted to sleep. By 7, I finally got up and went into the kitchen. My little brother was out there and he kept staring at me, like he could tell something was wrong. I got a bowl of rice krispies, which must have looked so damn weird because I never get up at 7 am, let alone eat breakfast. Went back into my room and watched myself eat. I say watch myself because every motion was purely instinctual. I'd dip the spoon into the bowl, pull it out, put the food in my mouth, chew, swallow, repeat. I wasn't actively trying to do it.. It just happened.
Once I ate the bowl of cereal, I laid back down. I guess I fell asleep, because I just woke up half an hour ago. I still feel 'light,' like part of my brain is missing or something. I'm thankful for that sleep, though.
In conclusion, I'm not really sure if it was really worth the hours of feeling like I was going to puke my pants. It sucked that I couldn't fall asleep, too, but I should have known that'd happen.
I really don't reccomend doing these alone. It gets kind of boring, and there were lots of situations where I probably would have hurt myself if I was a little more fucked up. Like, I kept biting my finger really hard because I couldn't feel it and there's teeth mark shaped bruises all around a few of them today. I'm not going to do them alone again, but if I was actually going out with friends or something, I'd probably give it another whirl.
After I went and spit them out, I came back in my room feeling kind of irritated because from other reports I thought I should have been feeling something by then. My pupils were slightly dilated though.
I honestly can't remember how long it took, I'd probably say about half an hour later I was hit with the nausea. I went from my chair to my bed at least 100 times, trying to hold back the vomit.
It wasn't until around 1:15 that I finally won the battle. I was just sitting there, and I felt this tingle spread throughout my body extremely quickly. At that point I was pretty messed up.
It was weird how everything seemed to make so much sense at the time. I got that feeling of "I could stay like this forever." That passed as soon as I started talking to my ex-girlfriend on AIM. It was cool though, because I finally realized how I was acting because it was like.. I could see both sides of the situation with my newfound fuck-upness. No one cares about that though.
After that, I put a movie in and sat back down in front of the computer. Everytime I looked back, it seemed like the movie had skipped to a different part, but one before what had already happened. At the same time I was trying to watch a movie on my computer, but it wasn't cooperating. I'm not entirely sure what happened, because I can't get it to do it now, but it seemed like all the movies were set to play at 'fast' speed. I kept clicking play menu to try and alter the speed, but the text was grey'ed out so I couldn't click on it. It did that with almost every movie except the ones I didn't want to watch.
Eventually, I gave up on watching a movie and figured I should go to bed since it was 4am. Yeah right.
I laid down and could not sit still. I kept doing weird shit like putting my fingers in my mouth, taking them out, and wondering if I ever did it. Everything I did, I was confused as to whenther or not I did it. I could actively sit there and go, "I am going to forget I'm thinkin this." and a second later, I'd feel like I didn't really just think it and that my mind was playing tricks on me.
This went on for 3 fucking hours. I just wanted to sleep. By 7, I finally got up and went into the kitchen. My little brother was out there and he kept staring at me, like he could tell something was wrong. I got a bowl of rice krispies, which must have looked so damn weird because I never get up at 7 am, let alone eat breakfast. Went back into my room and watched myself eat. I say watch myself because every motion was purely instinctual. I'd dip the spoon into the bowl, pull it out, put the food in my mouth, chew, swallow, repeat. I wasn't actively trying to do it.. It just happened.
Once I ate the bowl of cereal, I laid back down. I guess I fell asleep, because I just woke up half an hour ago. I still feel 'light,' like part of my brain is missing or something. I'm thankful for that sleep, though.
In conclusion, I'm not really sure if it was really worth the hours of feeling like I was going to puke my pants. It sucked that I couldn't fall asleep, too, but I should have known that'd happen.
I really don't reccomend doing these alone. It gets kind of boring, and there were lots of situations where I probably would have hurt myself if I was a little more fucked up. Like, I kept biting my finger really hard because I couldn't feel it and there's teeth mark shaped bruises all around a few of them today. I'm not going to do them alone again, but if I was actually going out with friends or something, I'd probably give it another whirl.
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