Grim memories and bad flashbacks!
Blowmonkey: I read through your excellent trip report. No, you are not alone. Many of us have had some really bad experiences with A. nervosa seeds, and as I suggested these negative effects have perfectly natural causes.
But I am impressed - our experiences are so similar it is almost scary. Even the timing of the psychosis stage is almost identical. Although I do not recommend mixing drugs and I certainly think it to be ill advised to have a smoke before you try something new for the first time, I still think you were lucky to have some good grass to take the brunt of the mental angst caused by the HBWR seeds (I did not).
Personally, I do not think that the weed you smoked contributed to your paranoid thoughts as I and others with me have experienced exactly the same thing, even more intensly I believe, without any weed at all. It is the angst brought on by the glucosides enhanced by the the mind-altering effects of LSA (a very negative synergic effect thought out by mother nature to keep potential predators away).
My advice is to extract the alkaloids (plenty of instructions available on the net). If one can’t be bothered then at least administer the seeds buccally or sublingually. Both techniques will lessen the physical impact considerably. Considering what has been said in other posts on this subject I might add that properly done the sublingual/buccal technique is almost as effective as eating the seeds (i.e. much larger doses will not be necessary).
Anyway, below I paste an excerpt from my report of the “bad trip”. It is taken from my extensive experiments and evaluations of legal entheogens (when all my experiments are finished they will be donated for public viewing - with warnings and suggestions - to one of the major web sites in the future). I am sure you will recognise at least some of the symptoms, although, judged from your own account I probably ingested a considerably larger dose.
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“Nausea increased and then the psychological effect of the seeds began to take a more sinister turn. For some reason I felt restless, worried, and psychologically and emotionally more sensitive and vulnerable. In conjunction with the nausea building up increasingly negative thoughts and emotions began spiralling through my mind in a psychotic way - the fear was coming on, and just feeling the hints of this fear gave me the fear. This feeling intensified steadily without my being able to control the course and development of the trip. I tried to chill out using every trick in the book. But forcing myself to think positive and happy thoughts, watching mellow TV shows, listening to soothing music, occupying myself with reading, pleasant conversations, changing the surroundings etc did not help - on the contrary, all attempts seemed only to me even more ill at ease. [...]
And then something triggered the worst drug-induced experience of my entire life - I was thrown into a psychological suffering which I can not properly express in language. States like nausea coupled with psychotic depression, panic, overwhelming anxiety, feelings of utter isolation and complete loss of self-worth, unbearable loneliness and complete despair only begin to describe what I went through. [...]
The episode of nausea and the panic I experienced is beyond words, and I am surprised at how well composed I appeared outwardly. Inwardly I was desperately struggling to keep my sanity, and the worst part was that time seemed not to move at all. I watched the clock, went to the toilet, hoping to be able to throw up, felt my heart racing irregularly, vertigo coming on, cold limbs, shivers, a thin sweat breaking out on my forehead. I experienced hours of intense psychological torment, dry heaved for half an hour, then returned to the study only to find that about three minutes had passed!! This was some sort of drug induced psychosis vastly different from the type of fear or panic one experiences when a totally loaded 750 mic acid trip goes wrong. This was not the terrifying DMT circus, nor the ayahuasca being-dismembered-by-Itzpapalotl- or the psilocybin-meatlocker-sort-of-experience. I was poisoned. I was simply poisoned. I could feel it! I could never have imagined the terror and the torment. I had to tell myself over and over that this was the drug, that this was not reality but an awful effect, a bad jolt put on my brain, a cascade of alkaloids and glucosides my body could not handle all at once. My body first tried to expel the poison that entered it, but eager to experience the trip I had wilfully kept it down for hours. And now it was too late, instead my organs were taking the brunt of the hit. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that it would be over soon. My liver would slowly metabolise the poison, and soon the remains would be excreted through the urine. But knowing that things would eventually revert back to normal did not help because the suffering was so intense. I made all the customary promises, I swore HBWR seeds off for eternity, I begged, I was sorry, I regretted and I repented but there was no relief, the suffering did not abate and time continued to move slowly! Suicide actually began to seem like a good and perfectly reasonable way out given the intensity of my mental suffering. Needless to say my psychological status scared the shit out of my friends...”
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Safe journey mate,
//pete_johns
