Erowid Experience ID:74737
30 HBWR Seeds - Call Me Crazy
This is a fractured recount of the most intense trip of my life.
I had done HBWR seeds a few times before and enjoyed the experience. My highest dosage, prior to this had been 13 seeds. Suffice to say, I didn’t find it particularly overwhelming, and I’m a pioneer for intensity. So on the faithful Thursday night I decided to ingest 30 seeds from a new batch I had received. For the record I have been on the SSRI Citalopram 20mg/day for 3 weeks. So I put the 30 seeds in my mouth and chewed, trying to not vomit from the foul taste, and proceeded to leave the gunk in my mouth for 15 minutes to allow for sublingual absorption and then swallowed the remaining seed gunk. I had never really gotten much nausea from HBWR but this time I definitely was. So I smoked ¼ of a bowl of some good weed which settled the nausea like a charm. 40 minutes in things started to get pretty strong; I knew I was in for a wild ride. I was going to go over to my friend A’s house, when I accidentally looked at some visualisations I had running on the computer, and well like a trap I was mesmerized, the visualisations ceased to be moving kaleidoscopes on the computer screen and became my vision itself, after snapping out of the trance I closed them before I was once again caught. So finally I ventured over to my friend A’s house. Me and A bummed around for a bit talking as the experience began to increase, getting stronger and stronger. I began to intermittently spurt nonsensical gibberish which I made A write down. The night was going splendidly, filled with maniacal laughing and strong warping and distorting of my visual perception. Music had also become profoundly intense, even to the point where I had to ask A to stop it at times because it was getting to strong. And then not too long after, things went horribly awry.
This part of the night has become somewhat of a blur but I will try my best to recount.
I have always been cocky when it comes to tripping, in the sense that I seek more intense experienced with little caution, thinking myself somewhat impervious to a bad experience but I was taught a lesson. Things kept getting more and more intense. And I wasn’t ready for it. Somewhere I had lost my grounding logic and rational thinking and was thrown into a storm. I don’t remember exactly when it happened but I went insane and beyond. Things were ever increasing in intensity, I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t have the means, perhaps some weed to knock me out, but I couldn’t get back home, not in that state. I went beyond insane, neural overload. I was bombarded with what I remember to be visuals, like a storm raging in my head. I got the feeling that it wouldn’t end and that I would feel like this forever. And I wanted nothing more than for it to just cease. I realise now, in that state I would have done anything to have made it stop. I had on a few occasions told A that I thought I was going to die, or had gone insane, but A kept reassuring me that I hadn’t and that in a while things would return to normal. And what I usually realise that its true, I found it incomprehensible. I also wanted to get a couple other close friends over but A said they were asleep and we couldn’t wake them, they might have been able to save me from my nightmare. The worst part about the whole experience was that there was no break, no intermission, not even for a second.
I’m not sure whether I blacked out or fell asleep but I came to perhaps an hour or two later, the ordeal had passed and my fractured sanity feebly repaired. It was early morning and as I looked around everything was shaking and shimmering, like light shining and refracting through broken glass. I got up out of A’s bed, in which he was asleep in also and stumbled home. I collapsed in my bed in the hope of finding some rest, but it would not come. Then I decided it was fruitless and got up and hoped on the computer. And then I was overcome with a great feeling of content and happiness. Like a massive revelation had hit and I began writing these thoughts and ideas. It is through out mistakes that we learn the most.
In reflection:
Most drugs have a protective blanket. What I once mistook for just clouding of the experience, or a wall which blocked true benefits. I now see as a safety. A get out of jail free card, if you will. And after being mind raped, broken down to the very fundamentals of the human mind, loosing complete control of reality, I guess you could say I now feel reborn. Having experienced the pandemonium of reality, not the reality which our beautiful brain protects us from in sobriety, with its protective walls and filters, like a home, where nothing can harm you. Clarity can only be reached when one truly understands what it is. Clarity is not the seemingly razor blade of sober logic and rationality. Clarity is the silence in the storm. And in the aftermath of the apocalypse one can appreciate the power of the mind.
So when one asks, do I regret it? What most would say was a horrific and terrifying experience, while such was my lesson. My consequence for being overconfident, cocky, invincible. The ethereal world was showing me that if I flaunted it, abused it, I would be punished. But if I respected it, I would be thusly rewarded.
After the shattering of sanity, and the rebuilding of life, I can still see the shimmering of broken glass
But next time, I will be prepared.
30 HBWR Seeds - Call Me Crazy
This is a fractured recount of the most intense trip of my life.
I had done HBWR seeds a few times before and enjoyed the experience. My highest dosage, prior to this had been 13 seeds. Suffice to say, I didn’t find it particularly overwhelming, and I’m a pioneer for intensity. So on the faithful Thursday night I decided to ingest 30 seeds from a new batch I had received. For the record I have been on the SSRI Citalopram 20mg/day for 3 weeks. So I put the 30 seeds in my mouth and chewed, trying to not vomit from the foul taste, and proceeded to leave the gunk in my mouth for 15 minutes to allow for sublingual absorption and then swallowed the remaining seed gunk. I had never really gotten much nausea from HBWR but this time I definitely was. So I smoked ¼ of a bowl of some good weed which settled the nausea like a charm. 40 minutes in things started to get pretty strong; I knew I was in for a wild ride. I was going to go over to my friend A’s house, when I accidentally looked at some visualisations I had running on the computer, and well like a trap I was mesmerized, the visualisations ceased to be moving kaleidoscopes on the computer screen and became my vision itself, after snapping out of the trance I closed them before I was once again caught. So finally I ventured over to my friend A’s house. Me and A bummed around for a bit talking as the experience began to increase, getting stronger and stronger. I began to intermittently spurt nonsensical gibberish which I made A write down. The night was going splendidly, filled with maniacal laughing and strong warping and distorting of my visual perception. Music had also become profoundly intense, even to the point where I had to ask A to stop it at times because it was getting to strong. And then not too long after, things went horribly awry.
This part of the night has become somewhat of a blur but I will try my best to recount.
I have always been cocky when it comes to tripping, in the sense that I seek more intense experienced with little caution, thinking myself somewhat impervious to a bad experience but I was taught a lesson. Things kept getting more and more intense. And I wasn’t ready for it. Somewhere I had lost my grounding logic and rational thinking and was thrown into a storm. I don’t remember exactly when it happened but I went insane and beyond. Things were ever increasing in intensity, I wanted it to stop, but I didn’t have the means, perhaps some weed to knock me out, but I couldn’t get back home, not in that state. I went beyond insane, neural overload. I was bombarded with what I remember to be visuals, like a storm raging in my head. I got the feeling that it wouldn’t end and that I would feel like this forever. And I wanted nothing more than for it to just cease. I realise now, in that state I would have done anything to have made it stop. I had on a few occasions told A that I thought I was going to die, or had gone insane, but A kept reassuring me that I hadn’t and that in a while things would return to normal. And what I usually realise that its true, I found it incomprehensible. I also wanted to get a couple other close friends over but A said they were asleep and we couldn’t wake them, they might have been able to save me from my nightmare. The worst part about the whole experience was that there was no break, no intermission, not even for a second.
I’m not sure whether I blacked out or fell asleep but I came to perhaps an hour or two later, the ordeal had passed and my fractured sanity feebly repaired. It was early morning and as I looked around everything was shaking and shimmering, like light shining and refracting through broken glass. I got up out of A’s bed, in which he was asleep in also and stumbled home. I collapsed in my bed in the hope of finding some rest, but it would not come. Then I decided it was fruitless and got up and hoped on the computer. And then I was overcome with a great feeling of content and happiness. Like a massive revelation had hit and I began writing these thoughts and ideas. It is through out mistakes that we learn the most.
In reflection:
Most drugs have a protective blanket. What I once mistook for just clouding of the experience, or a wall which blocked true benefits. I now see as a safety. A get out of jail free card, if you will. And after being mind raped, broken down to the very fundamentals of the human mind, loosing complete control of reality, I guess you could say I now feel reborn. Having experienced the pandemonium of reality, not the reality which our beautiful brain protects us from in sobriety, with its protective walls and filters, like a home, where nothing can harm you. Clarity can only be reached when one truly understands what it is. Clarity is not the seemingly razor blade of sober logic and rationality. Clarity is the silence in the storm. And in the aftermath of the apocalypse one can appreciate the power of the mind.
So when one asks, do I regret it? What most would say was a horrific and terrifying experience, while such was my lesson. My consequence for being overconfident, cocky, invincible. The ethereal world was showing me that if I flaunted it, abused it, I would be punished. But if I respected it, I would be thusly rewarded.
After the shattering of sanity, and the rebuilding of life, I can still see the shimmering of broken glass
But next time, I will be prepared.
.
.
