Sorry for the essay, I just needed to write it down so I can read what I've been thinking, so I'm not constantly trying to go over it in my head. Would be cool if anyone could offer support/ideas/opinions on the matter, especially if you've experienced something similar
Sometimes I question if I'm going insane. Other times I just think I'm being an idiot. It sounds weird, but it depends on what time of day it is as to how I feel. If it's daytime, I usually feel pretty good. If it's night time, I freak out a lot.
I had a bad experience on a drug where I had a really scary trip. I think I might have had a panic attack during the trip. A month later, I had the same sorta trip happen (while I was intoxicated again), and it scared the shit out of me. I felt as if I kept slipping into the trip again, and I had to leave where I was to go home I was that scared. About 2 weeks after that, I had the same sorta feelings I had began to associate with the trip overcome me, except this time, I had only been smoking weed. I convinced myself that it was all happening again and that I was unable to escape it. I've been seriously shaken up over it.
I've been given meds to combat my panic attacks, and yes, they have gone.
But I get this weird feeling everynow and then. My hearing goes all funny, and my depth perception seems to go a bit off. I start getting scared that everything is going to turn dark and turn into a trip, and it scares me.
These thoughts plague my mind, and I'm constantly waiting for something to happen.
I have this terrifying feeling like everything isn't real anymore. That things could easily morph into something terrifying that I would experience in a trip.
Sometimes, I can walk into a room, and I become so aware of the room, that I almost feel like the room is my world, and outside the door is nothingness. I get the same feeling when I think about the world. If I sit and watch someone talking for too long, my eyesight gets weird, and I have to look away 'cus again, I think everythings going to turn dark. It terrifies me, it makes me feel trapped. I sometimes feel as if this is a dream, and if I were to kill myself, I'd wake up and feel sane again. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy.
Yes, I've had minor thoughts of doing something bad to myself, but I never have the guts to go through, because I feel I can sort this out. But, I still worry about me having these thoughts. I don't like the thought of being a danger to myself.
Trying to get all of this down is hard. I want to go to talk to someone, but I don't know who, I just want someone to talk to.
Ugh I feel so stupid when I look back on this, because during the day, these feelings just dont seem to exist, yet at night time, I get so scared.
I'm such a huge worry wort.
Sometimes I question if I'm going insane. Other times I just think I'm being an idiot. It sounds weird, but it depends on what time of day it is as to how I feel. If it's daytime, I usually feel pretty good. If it's night time, I freak out a lot.
I had a bad experience on a drug where I had a really scary trip. I think I might have had a panic attack during the trip. A month later, I had the same sorta trip happen (while I was intoxicated again), and it scared the shit out of me. I felt as if I kept slipping into the trip again, and I had to leave where I was to go home I was that scared. About 2 weeks after that, I had the same sorta feelings I had began to associate with the trip overcome me, except this time, I had only been smoking weed. I convinced myself that it was all happening again and that I was unable to escape it. I've been seriously shaken up over it.
I've been given meds to combat my panic attacks, and yes, they have gone.
But I get this weird feeling everynow and then. My hearing goes all funny, and my depth perception seems to go a bit off. I start getting scared that everything is going to turn dark and turn into a trip, and it scares me.
These thoughts plague my mind, and I'm constantly waiting for something to happen.
I have this terrifying feeling like everything isn't real anymore. That things could easily morph into something terrifying that I would experience in a trip.
Sometimes, I can walk into a room, and I become so aware of the room, that I almost feel like the room is my world, and outside the door is nothingness. I get the same feeling when I think about the world. If I sit and watch someone talking for too long, my eyesight gets weird, and I have to look away 'cus again, I think everythings going to turn dark. It terrifies me, it makes me feel trapped. I sometimes feel as if this is a dream, and if I were to kill myself, I'd wake up and feel sane again. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy.
Yes, I've had minor thoughts of doing something bad to myself, but I never have the guts to go through, because I feel I can sort this out. But, I still worry about me having these thoughts. I don't like the thought of being a danger to myself.
Trying to get all of this down is hard. I want to go to talk to someone, but I don't know who, I just want someone to talk to.
Ugh I feel so stupid when I look back on this, because during the day, these feelings just dont seem to exist, yet at night time, I get so scared.
I'm such a huge worry wort.
