having a crisis -- in Melbourne -- don't know what to do
- Thread starter doctordog
- Start date
Haha .. I would never have the guts to walk out on a doctor .. kudos
^That's a whole lotta money. Gee, you'd think you were getting a one on one with Jesus himself for that kind of cash. No wonder they write scripts so quick. Gotta keep 'em happy (and by that I mean drugged up).
I'm sorry for the negativity I've brought to this thread, actually. But I had to vent it somewhere, because I feel like - no, I DID get a raw deal. Today I was so anxious about nothing, you know, the usual - feelings of impending doom, afraid to leave the house,etc - that I started schizophrenia -ing again, which is most unpleasant, to be sure, and I knew I wouldn't make it through another boiling hot Melbourne day without facing up to my old GP who turned me out with a disgusted look on his face, and doing whatever had to be done to get a damn script for valium. He used to listen carefully and watch my eyes - even when I turned on the crazy lamps - and sometimes he'd write a script (usually he would rather than not) with conditions attached - no alcohol at the same time. I fucking loved that guy. He was so damned reasonable.
That's why it hit me so hard when that ass-hat of a psychiatrist sent my GP a letter which changed his whole demeanor. I hated that 'closed doors' shit. Fuck them and their superiority complexes. But, what happened today when I bit the bullet (so to speak) and called and asked to see Dr X - my regular dude who'd abandoned me it seemed - what happened was that I got a lovely South Korean lady doctor who listened to me, wasn't freaked out (well, not too muchm, I can't help but radiate psychic violence at times of duress), immediately agreed to write my old modest script of 20x 5mg diazepam, and even let me read THE LETTER that the Psychiatrist of death had written to my old GP. I saw her reading something and asked" May I know what you're reading, as it a cause of great concern that the Psychiatrist I was referred to has done something to corrupt my professional relationship with Dr X, who I had previously held in high regard?"
And she let me read it. How reasonable is that. She wrote me a script, showed me the letter that had been haunting me for the last two months, and even suggested that I try and repair the misunderstandings caused by the dud psych.... all in within ten minutes, bulk-billed. I feel I owe it to her, although I'm almost 100% positive that she wouldn't peruse these forums, to simply give credit where it's due. There are some doctors out there who are still in touch with their human side and even care enough to - in a window of merely a few minutes - try to repair damage done by one rotten apple. Goddess bless this South Korean Wonder Woman
I'm sorry for the negativity I've brought to this thread, actually. But I had to vent it somewhere, because I feel like - no, I DID get a raw deal. Today I was so anxious about nothing, you know, the usual - feelings of impending doom, afraid to leave the house,etc - that I started schizophrenia -ing again, which is most unpleasant, to be sure, and I knew I wouldn't make it through another boiling hot Melbourne day without facing up to my old GP who turned me out with a disgusted look on his face, and doing whatever had to be done to get a damn script for valium. He used to listen carefully and watch my eyes - even when I turned on the crazy lamps - and sometimes he'd write a script (usually he would rather than not) with conditions attached - no alcohol at the same time. I fucking loved that guy. He was so damned reasonable.
That's why it hit me so hard when that ass-hat of a psychiatrist sent my GP a letter which changed his whole demeanor. I hated that 'closed doors' shit. Fuck them and their superiority complexes. But, what happened today when I bit the bullet (so to speak) and called and asked to see Dr X - my regular dude who'd abandoned me it seemed - what happened was that I got a lovely South Korean lady doctor who listened to me, wasn't freaked out (well, not too muchm, I can't help but radiate psychic violence at times of duress), immediately agreed to write my old modest script of 20x 5mg diazepam, and even let me read THE LETTER that the Psychiatrist of death had written to my old GP. I saw her reading something and asked" May I know what you're reading, as it a cause of great concern that the Psychiatrist I was referred to has done something to corrupt my professional relationship with Dr X, who I had previously held in high regard?"
And she let me read it. How reasonable is that. She wrote me a script, showed me the letter that had been haunting me for the last two months, and even suggested that I try and repair the misunderstandings caused by the dud psych.... all in within ten minutes, bulk-billed. I feel I owe it to her, although I'm almost 100% positive that she wouldn't peruse these forums, to simply give credit where it's due. There are some doctors out there who are still in touch with their human side and even care enough to - in a window of merely a few minutes - try to repair damage done by one rotten apple. Goddess bless this South Korean Wonder Woman
catching fish
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2011
- Messages
- 280
Hey mate,
If you get to the point where you feel like you have no other options or you are at the end of your rope (no pun intended), I strongly recommend walking into a public hospital and telling them you are suicidal. It might be a hard thing to do and it won't be fun but there is a good chance somebody will be able to help you look at your problem in great detail.
Just remember no matter how far you sink there is always a way back and you'll be able to find strength within that you didn't know you have. Sometimes to find yourself you've got to lose you.
I also recommend continuing to post on this forum. Not only because there are there a lot of people here who have hit rock bottom, but also because putting it into writing is a great way to really understand what is going through your mind. It can give you a different perspective, especially when you go back and read things you wrote previously - even if it was just one day ago. Let it all our man.
All the best. Just remember that you are never alone, despite what it feels like.
CF
@Halif .. really awesome, enlivening anecdote .. indeed it's nice to always be reminded that doctors like that exist!
@catching fish, I've been to public hospital twice .. they said there was nothing they could do, and just referred me back to my local GP (who I can't see because he's 50 mins away). The second time I insisted I was suicidal, and then just had to reassure the doltish young student-doctor that I didn't want to kill myself anymore, even though he was no help whatsoever. I have no idea why I didn't get to see a psychiatrist.
I appreciate the offer to keep writing, CF. Sometimes I feel weird having any attention on myself .. like I don't deserve it or something. And I feel even worse because I rarely have the energy or anything to actively participate or help others.
Well, I'm tapering off Lyrica right now because it was doing nothing except leaving me feel dreamy, dissociated and bloated. Getting hit by rebound, which, on top of my prior restlessness, sucks. It's such a nightmare that I can't take benzos.
I've decided to cancel my appointment at the Monash Family Psychiatry centre. Just can't deal with walking into another doctor's office right now. Found a psychologist on the ARCVIC site who seems really competent and bulk bills; seeing her on Friday and will see what she recommends. I just need to talk to someone who will listen, without judging.
Also ordered some Prazosin from an online pharmacy. Clonidine is the closest something came to helping, and Prazosin works similarly (another alpha blocker). But gotta wait 10-15 days for it to get there.
@catching fish, I've been to public hospital twice .. they said there was nothing they could do, and just referred me back to my local GP (who I can't see because he's 50 mins away). The second time I insisted I was suicidal, and then just had to reassure the doltish young student-doctor that I didn't want to kill myself anymore, even though he was no help whatsoever. I have no idea why I didn't get to see a psychiatrist.
I appreciate the offer to keep writing, CF. Sometimes I feel weird having any attention on myself .. like I don't deserve it or something. And I feel even worse because I rarely have the energy or anything to actively participate or help others.
Well, I'm tapering off Lyrica right now because it was doing nothing except leaving me feel dreamy, dissociated and bloated. Getting hit by rebound, which, on top of my prior restlessness, sucks. It's such a nightmare that I can't take benzos.
I've decided to cancel my appointment at the Monash Family Psychiatry centre. Just can't deal with walking into another doctor's office right now. Found a psychologist on the ARCVIC site who seems really competent and bulk bills; seeing her on Friday and will see what she recommends. I just need to talk to someone who will listen, without judging.
Also ordered some Prazosin from an online pharmacy. Clonidine is the closest something came to helping, and Prazosin works similarly (another alpha blocker). But gotta wait 10-15 days for it to get there.
Methadonia2010
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2010
- Messages
- 83
Call anyone, soundsl like dep/anx, dealt with this all my life is biatchh!! I'm on disability for it,. Makes u feel insane the old anxiety dep...
Straight up truth! And overall great post catching fish. You're already doing a service to the community so recently after (well, I guess it's still ongoing) your own detox. It's great to see people go through that hellish experience, and come out wiser for it. We just keep passing on the torch like this and taking care of each other and it'll make a big difference to people, I'm sure of it.
The reason I ultimately couldn't go through with my Counselling Degree, despite completing the two years of theory and reaching the stage of having to seek out a place to do the practical aspect and thus graduate, was two-fold: firstly, I simply could not afford to stop working and organise a placement for myself (you're expected to put in three months worth of unpaid work/training); secondly, and I believe this is the real barrier which caused me to lose faith in the whole thing, is that I simply wasn't convinced that I had the authority to put myself into a position whereby I am acting as a kind of all-knowing wizard.
I've got lots of life experience, but I can hardly say that I've mastered my demons. So how could I listen to and advise people on matters of enormous importance - literally life or death issues? That's the thing, how do you qualify wisdom? Empathy? Nobody's perfect, and I don't expect any counsellor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to be a sublime being, but where do you draw the line and decide that you know enough to guide others?
I opted out. I guess I gave up. Instead I write on these forums and just share my experience, which is first hand - something that I could not say for the majority of psychologists or psychiatrists I've come into contact with. One guy I saw I asked if he'd had experince with drugs himself. I was curious. He said sure he'd tried a bit of weed, but it wasn't really for him. So I instantly thought: Well then how can you know what I am experiencing and on what authority can you claim to know that you have a better way of living?
That's why these forums are great. You can find people who know EXACTLY what you're going through - no matter how far out and fucked up it is, there will always be others out there that have traversed the territory and some kind enough to come back to places like this and help people out simply by telling their own personal truths. Nothing beats words from those who have lived it. No amount of study can rival having actually been there and made it back out with their psyche and empathy intact enough to tell others what's really up.
The topic has swayed off this alot - but back to the Mitrazipine: What happened when you started taking it again ?
I was taking that for 2 months, and life was a vivid nightmare if i forgot to take it etc, so i was scared to stop cold-turkey and split the rest i had down into a two week plan of gradually smaller doses.
I was taking that for 2 months, and life was a vivid nightmare if i forgot to take it etc, so i was scared to stop cold-turkey and split the rest i had down into a two week plan of gradually smaller doses.
When I started taking it again, it just made things worse. I was offered an explanation by someone clever as to why that might be. I guess I should have tapered off slowly, but I was on about 3mg, so figured I would be okay.
Just to update: I saw a psychologist and she was really nice, but said she couldn't refer me to a psychiatrist. I've had psychologists offer to before, so don't get why she couldn't ..
Anyway, I'm kinda back to square one. Nothing's improved. I think I'll try see a doctor and demand a referral to a private psych or neurologist .. beg my parents to try help out.
Acanthus
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2014
- Messages
- 88
Two words: sodium valproate (aka: "Epilem").
I tried everything to stop paralysing anxiety (exacerbated by past opiates), and nothing worked well at all until my psychiatrist prescribed me this. It's actually an anti-epilepsy medication, but it completely eliminates anxiety, allows you to think clearly with clarity and focus (something I missed for years), socialise/converse with anyone without "the fear", it's non-addictive, and the only side-effect for me was increased hunger (a small price to pay considering the huge benefits).
I've been on valproate now for 9 months and it has changed my life for the better, and went from being a miserable anxious wreck to incredibly confident, focused, energised and HAPPY.
So yes, highly recommended. For me it's the closest thing I've ever taken to a miracle drug.
PS: The only other option I found which worked for intense anxiety, was non-habit-forming, and didn't make me foggy-headed was: kava-kava. They now sell it at tablets at many pharmacists and health/herbal shops (not sure if I can say the pharmacy chain, or the brand of the Kava, but it's now easier than ever to find)
PSS: DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL, it's a very short-sighted solution and ends up making everything 5x worse.
I tried everything to stop paralysing anxiety (exacerbated by past opiates), and nothing worked well at all until my psychiatrist prescribed me this. It's actually an anti-epilepsy medication, but it completely eliminates anxiety, allows you to think clearly with clarity and focus (something I missed for years), socialise/converse with anyone without "the fear", it's non-addictive, and the only side-effect for me was increased hunger (a small price to pay considering the huge benefits).
I've been on valproate now for 9 months and it has changed my life for the better, and went from being a miserable anxious wreck to incredibly confident, focused, energised and HAPPY.
So yes, highly recommended. For me it's the closest thing I've ever taken to a miracle drug.
PS: The only other option I found which worked for intense anxiety, was non-habit-forming, and didn't make me foggy-headed was: kava-kava. They now sell it at tablets at many pharmacists and health/herbal shops (not sure if I can say the pharmacy chain, or the brand of the Kava, but it's now easier than ever to find)
PSS: DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL, it's a very short-sighted solution and ends up making everything 5x worse.
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