Have You Ever Overdosed? [and all overdose discussion/stories]

[Antiprosynthesis]

I overdosed on heroin once and that is about the only real overdosed I ever had - I never realized going KO and I woke up on the ER and was pretty much okay...

 

[aspiringchemist]

First opioid use ever at age 14, completely naive and virgin receptors. I took 60mg methadone that was given to me from a friend who’s mother was prescribed some ungodly amount daily for a chronic and incurable autoimmune disorder.

I felt really good for the first few hours. Sunshine, smoking grass and cigarettes with friends, just feeling good. Then at like 4 hours in I felt an increasing heavy headed borderline spinning feeling so I decided to lay down in my friend’s spare room (at his dads house; we’re 14). Next thing I know I’m waking up and the sun has gone down but it was like 1pm when I laid down. I felt so euphoric and immediately upon standing began projectile vomiting uncontrollably. This continued for hours. I called a friend who came and found me laying in the grass behind an elementary school near the friend’s house in which i had fallen asleep. I made it maybe 200 yards away from his house before collapsing and just painfully vomiting. He literally carried my 170lbs dead weight back to my single mother’s (parents divorced) house and I proceeded to tell her I had the flu. I slept for 4 days straight, only waking to piss, drink water, and vomit every time I moved.

My whole body was in tremors and cold to my core, then hot and sweaty, back and forth. In retrospect my peripheral nervous system had gone through the fucking ringer; as has my central nervous system.

And once i was capable of lying down without spinning out and puking myself, after about 10 hours of puking, I promptly passed the fuck out and slept, and slept, and slept. I remember the high was present over those days of sleep likely as a result of “methadone/dolophine’s” incredibly long half life and duration of action. When I woke up on the 5th morning my first thought was “I’ve got more 10mg methadone tablets in the drawer to use.” I was almost instantaneously psychologically addicted and quite promptly became heavily physiologically dependent as well.

My first ever affair with opioids lasted about 5 years and was primarily fueled by generic 10mg and 20mg methadone tablets, generic morphine sulfate (*MS Contin in the US*), and black tar heroin (sometimes referred to as gunpowder heroin at the time)

Baby Blue 15mg XR tabs
Purple 30mg XR
Yellow (I believe these were yellow??) 60mg XR tabs
*all obtained legally through local pharmacy and verification of tab authenticity/reported drug, and dosage, via documentation given.

 

[Antiprosynthesis]

One time, IV Heroin, it was a suicide attempt, this is already maybe 20 yrs ago or so...

I dont remember much about it, I dont even remeber if the needle was still in my arm or not the moment the lights went out, I suspect it to be possible this suggests it all went really fast so the needle could very well still have been in my arm.

Woke up in the ER,.they said they experienced some difficulties waking me up, I heard her say that, but my brain at that time didnt yet register it, I was really fucked for quite some time and.somewhere in my mind there is a faint memory of me experiencing some very distant notion of frustration caused by this severe confusion I suffered.

I only did any kind of IV use once in a blue moon (Im not sure but possibly even less), and I still entertain the possibility that at one time I would do a rare shot H again, but anyway the first IV I would ever consider doing again is coke, since I have been reading some things here on BL ml lately about IV coke triggered cravings, at first I did a rather soon abbandened attempt to burry this horrible feeling (I severely dislike cravings and.it brings back memories from some really dark times) but I couldnt stop reading more coke IV posts which made me unable to keep these cravings burried as they kept being triggered more...

Btw The way I feel the last few years I cant see myself considering suicide ever again (however its always possible, but then there should happen really a lot of long time unimaginable horrible things), atm I am really both happy with the way my life turned out to be and happy in general while only about two yrs ago I got a break and I got lucky a few times in a row and this was able to turn my life quite sudden almost completely turn my life around, but up to when I was able to catch this break I already long time considered impossible to regain any comforting quality of life again let alone I ever suspected gaining even so much more than that, Im even thankful for each day, which also with some other things as well I most likely never suspected possible for me.

 

[Nas47]

Two times.90-ist years.Very close to death.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

A few times.

1) - this was BEFORE I ever used/abused drugs - I was newly detoxed from alcohol and having serious trouble sleeping. I had a script for codeine (but rarely took it) and suddenly remembered that it makes you sleepy, so I just kept taking one every 10 mins or so figuring I'd eventually get sleepy enough...to sleep. All of a sudden my skin is BURNING and I have the most intense full-body itching I have ever experienced. I end up bleeding from writhing at my skin. My face feels weird so I look in the mirror and it's very puffy, my eyes swollen half-shut. I have a paradoxical effect of severe diarrhoea. Soon, my blood pressure is so low I'm lying on my back on the floor, unable to even raise my head and have to yell for my parents to call an ambulance. The paramedics told me I had the lowest blood pressure of anyone they had ever seen who was still conscious. They gave me something IM to raise my blood pressure in the ambulance and then again when I got to hospital. I ended up in hospital for 2 days on oral and IV anti-histamines.

2) Tried "spice" three times. All three times - despite just having a very small amount - I ended up having a grand mal seizure + vomiting while seizing.

3) I tried to kill myself by overdosing on - among other things - Phenobarbital. I ended up in intensive care in a coma (and respirator) for a week.

 

[Bumblebear]

First time i was in hospital for 3 days it was on Qutiapine and I had active problem with cocaine and alcohol and clonzapam, felt like I was hit by a bus

Second time was all my psych meds and what ever I could get my hands on
Lamotrigine Qutiapine t3s clonzapam cocaine they said there was LSD in my system too I was drinking, was in one hospital for days then put in a psychward they didn't ask this time if it was intentional
I lied to them and said it was an accident the first time cause they noticed my scars, felt like I was hit by a bus and apparently my pee looked like coffee

Third time was mostly apriprozole and I had a active methamphetamine addiction, the pills started dissolving and stuff in my throat and I couldn't swallow anymore and kept puking them up I felt fine other than loopy but they said it was a significant overdose but I don't recall it being as taxing on my body and I only went to the hospital cause someone sent the paramedics to my house and my dad asked me to go with them so I did eventually worse experience ever at the beginning of covid

Overdosed on Fetanyl was the last one and I was narcaned 3 times I woke up and again couldn't move felt like I was hit by a bus didn't go to hospital because someone took the vehicle I had and I guess being about hard core opiate abusers brought up lots of childhood trauma but as unpleasant of an ordeal this time was it was pretty beneficial to me and my mental health healing

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

I took 60 mg of Ativan last fall. I was drunk (am a dysfunctional alcohol user too much too often with rampant alcoholism riddling both sides of family) and have had a weird phenomenon since childhood that would tell me that I should kill myself, Just that statement would run through maybe avg 4 times per completely irrelevant to where or what I was thinking or doing. I am treated for depression/anxiety/panic attacks and am so used to it that I just acknowledge and continue forth. I talked about this on here at some point and someone thought it sounded like a OCD symptom and that very maybe.

So one drunken evening, I had been fighting with my boyfriend intermittently for the previous 6 months, and I happened to be right there in the bathroom when that blasted intrusive thought occurred. So I did. Naturally as I have kids and a family that would be devastated, so I promptly went upstairs, called 911, notified my son, and just as the ambulance arrived poof. Didn’t remember anything about the next 5 days. Unbeknownst to me, treatment protocol is monitor without intervention unless necessary. Apparently I was in and out, sitting up in the ED asking my eldest “Did they give me a reversal or pump my stomach, or am I just rocking these benzos?” Haha! I helped put the heart monitor patches on, would take note of my vitals. Was transferred to the psych ward when deemed stable. Have never been, and don’t remember a damn thing. My kids told me when I was awake it was just like my normal had to much to drink sort of state, cracking jokes, albeit not as funny as usual, twas just a little bit off.

My entire family came to town. I was humiliated and ashamed. However my clan had a deep bonding experience, so that was good for everyone. I have only had the thought a few times since, promised to seek therapy and haven’t yet, but will. Not sober but considerably more so. I will NEVER put my dear ones through anything intentional ever again.

I talked about all this somewhere else, but in the event that it’s new to someone, knowledge is power. I have also always shared that a study was done on survivors of a jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Not many people survived, and each that did regretted their choice the second their feet left the bridge. We need to reach out in those dark nights of the soul. This is a very excellent place that is safe for such.

XO and stay safe out there. ❤

 

[paltatomate]

I accidentally drank half a liter of vodka in one go when I was 14. It was a hot summer day, and friends and me returning to some guy's house where I asked for water and he gave a bottle from a cooler. turns out some idiot (I guess his dad) replaced the water with vodka. My friends had to carry me back to boarding school. Thankfully the person in charge of us kids knew what to do and other than puking my burning guts out, nothing really bad happened. I never got seriously drunk after that.
When I was 20 I took what I though was "five little dose valiums" someome gave to me because I was out of my long-distance flight supply. Turned out it was xanax (the .5mg, not the 1mg). flight attendants had a hell of a time getting me fit enough to deboard the plane in bangkok, where i spent the whole transit time sleeping. After that I learned the different kind of benzos and how to avoid falling asleep after taking them (though with a dose high enough - higher than the 2.5 mg xanax - i still would).

Fear of overdosing is what has kept me from doing too much of anything. I definetly kept from experiencing anything more than a slight "different feeling" when I tried cocaine and heroin on different occasions.

 

[Jabberwocky]

have had a weird phenomenon since childhood that would tell me that I should kill myself, Just that statement would run through maybe avg 4 times per completely irrelevant to where or what I was thinking or doing.

I get that too sometimes. It's weird. A very matter-of-fact thought, with zero emotion or context behind it. Just "You should kill yourself.", usually repeated for awhile. No other thought or meaning behind it.

It is similar to auditory hallucinations I've had, but it's not a hallucination, it's just a thought spoken with inner dualogue.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

I get that too sometimes. It's weird. A very matter-of-fact thought, with zero emotion or context behind it. Just "You should kill yourself.", usually repeated for awhile. No other thought or meaning behind it.

It is similar to auditory hallucinations I've had, but it's not a hallucination, it's just a thought spoken with inner dualogue.

Seriously?!? Holy shit! I have not met anybody else who has! Wow. I knew I liked you Snafu! When did it start? And have you spoken to a professional about it. I have not but am therapeutic regarding depression and anxiety, except for that slip and recent increase in panic attacks. I had a major depressive episode in the early 2000’s. Dangerously suicidal, literally trying on different nooses. I would drop my kids at school and lay in bed staring at the wall until I went to retrieve them. I must not have been producing any of one or all neurotransmitters. Absolutely would be dead had there been a gun in the house. And would hav hung had I not had those kids. It was exacerbated by a terrible marriage, with years of misery, with each of us too scared to end it and cause stress on the kids. EYEROLL now, we were dumb and young. The older two were so goddamn happy when he left. I didn’t even mention it to my four year old, just enjoying our days. A month later he finally asked Hey, where’s dad? I told him he moved out and was preparing his own place for their visit soon. He said okay and proceeded with his own interests. lol But I digress, I want to hear more about your story. Quickly adding I had started riding a exercise bike 6 months before he left and recovered from that episode without medical intervention. Got in super hot shape and had my last great year before a decade of hell. Okay done.

 

[Jabberwocky]

When did it start?

Teenage years. Then again at 19/20, then in my mid 20s, at 30, and around 35. Seems to have tides. Certain drugs make it worse. Alcohol, stims, kratom makes it worse. Also gives me other random and very repetitive thoughts.

And have you spoken to a professional about it.

Not really. I basically tell them I have "thoughts", but would never do it, and they move on to another subject. Recently I've become more acutely suicidal, but not sure I would tell anyone anyways. I don't really see the point. If you tell a shrink, they treat you differently.

@BlossomsBlooming thank you for sharing. I am glad you are doing better.

I know the thoughts are illogical. I also feel like suffering is invariably part of the meaning of life. I accept it. Which is why I think I would never actually do it, at least at this point.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

Teenage years. Then again at 19/20, then in my mid 20s, at 30, and around 35. Seems to have tides. Certain drugs make it worse. Alcohol, stims, kratom makes it worse. Also gives me other random and very repetitive thoughts.


Not really. I basically tell them I have "thoughts", but would never do it, and they move on to another subject. Recently I've become more acutely suicidal, but not sure I would tell anyone anyways. I don't really see the point. If you tell a shrink, they treat you differently.

@BlossomsBlooming thank you for sharing. I am glad you are doing better.

I know the thoughts are illogical. I also feel like suffering is invariably part of the meaning of life. I accept it. Which is why I think I would never actually do it, at least at this point.

Same. It just is what it is was my way of looking at it. I really never thought I would act on it. Seems I’m like a succulent as I am incredibly hardy and resilient, if I go long enough in unsuitable conditions I will wilt and shrivel. Boy, with just a little bit of water and sunshine I can keep my thorns and flowers pretty and happy.

 

[tryptakid]

Teenage years. Then again at 19/20, then in my mid 20s, at 30, and around 35. Seems to have tides. Certain drugs make it worse. Alcohol, stims, kratom makes it worse. Also gives me other random and very repetitive thoughts.


Not really. I basically tell them I have "thoughts", but would never do it, and they move on to another subject. Recently I've become more acutely suicidal, but not sure I would tell anyone anyways. I don't really see the point. If you tell a shrink, they treat you differently.

I must unfortunately agree that a fair number of therapists have less than ideal responses to people sharing this type of thing - I frequently start new patient therapy by letting folks know that it's normal to have thoughts of killing yourself at some point (typically when I'm asking questions about suicidal ideation/self harm). Most people have thought about it during their life at some point or another, whether under duress or simply random intrusive or even curious thoughts. My goal with any new patient is to try to help them feel like they can express to me if they're feeling that way and struggling with it and not worry that my first response will be to call EMS or send them to the hospital. Obviously there are times where hospitalization is a good choice but I don't want that to be a choice I'm making without the person being a part of the decision. Most of the time, people feel better by just getting to express that they think/feel that way sometimes, and then it's not just rattling around their mind.

Sometimes there's nothing I can do but foster a relationship where someone feels like they can say what's on their mind and even if that's all I can do, I'm happy to do it.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

I must unfortunately agree that a fair number of therapists have less than ideal responses to people sharing this type of thing - I frequently start new patient therapy by letting folks know that it's normal to have thoughts of killing yourself at some point (typically when I'm asking questions about suicidal ideation/self harm). Most people have thought about it during their life at some point or another, whether under duress or simply random intrusive or even curious thoughts. My goal with any new patient is to try to help them feel like they can express to me if they're feeling that way and struggling with it and not worry that my first response will be to call EMS or send them to the hospital. Obviously there are times where hospitalization is a good choice but I don't want that to be a choice I'm making without the person being a part of the decision. Most of the time, people feel better by just getting to express that they think/feel that way sometimes, and then it's not just rattling around their mind.

Sometimes there's nothing I can do but foster a relationship where someone feels like they can say what's on their mind and even if that's all I can do, I'm happy to do it.

Yikes I hope that isn’t the case. Wtf?’ It’s literally called the dark night of the soul and can happen to anyone at any time. Dude! People especially goddamn educated ones need to encourage open dialogue about everything! I understand a licensed provider would need a protocol in place which is not complex, okay patient voices this this not that but this etc figure out the best plan and provide the proper care since it is literally the job! I mean parents not talking to their kids is bad enough, and no sex ed in school anymore. But c’mon. I didn’t make the saying Knowledge is Power up. And no cherry picking the knowledge, all knowledge is important. Hearing stuff like that fires me right up. Unacceptable.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

Yikes I hope that isn’t the case. Wtf?’ It’s literally called the dark night of the soul and can happen to anyone at any time. Dude! People especially goddamn educated ones need to encourage open dialogue about everything! I understand a licensed provider would need a protocol in place which is not complex, okay patient voices this this not that but this etc figure out the best plan and provide the proper care since it is literally the job! I mean parents not talking to their kids is bad enough, and no sex ed in school anymore. But c’mon. I didn’t make the saying Knowledge is Power up. And no cherry picking the knowledge, all knowledge is important. Hearing stuff like that fires me right up. Unacceptable.

I missed that last sentence regarding therapists treating patients differently if they speak up Snafu. For real? That is insane.

You know, I didn’t even realize it until I was suddenly out, but my provider who I haven’t seen and she didn’t reach out, cut my Lorazepam dose in half from the not a big deal 1-2 per day to just one. And what do you know. I am suddenly having panic attacks after not for a long time. Have your nurse call and inform the patient and schedule a follow up appointment. Which is what I assumed would occur, and never did. In my undergrad opinion this all seems like garbage care to me. I would run my practice differently to say the least.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

I missed that last sentence regarding therapists treating patients differently if they speak up Snafu. For real? That is insane.

You know, I didn’t even realize it until I was suddenly out, but my provider who I haven’t seen and she didn’t reach out, cut my Lorazepam dose in half from the not a big deal 1-2 per day to just one. And what do you know. I am suddenly having panic attacks after not for a long time. Have your nurse call and inform the patient and schedule a follow up appointment. Which is what I assumed would occur, and never did. In my undergrad opinion this all seems like garbage care to me. I would run my practice differently to say the least.

She was a little snarky with me last time I went in. I bet my mom’s GP who is so very calm and nice and wears socks with his Birkenstock sandals is taking patients. I am switching for sure.

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

She was a little snarky with me last time I went in. I bet my mom’s GP who is so very calm and nice and wears socks with his Birkenstock sandals is taking patients. I am switching for sure.

I am supposed to go see someone and am totally down just haven’t only because I’m a slacker, nothing else. What exactly is their plan for patients with depression? Just right the script and send the bill?

 

[BlossomsBlooming]

Teenage years. Then again at 19/20, then in my mid 20s, at 30, and around 35. Seems to have tides. Certain drugs make it worse. Alcohol, stims, kratom makes it worse. Also gives me other random and very repetitive thoughts.


Not really. I basically tell them I have "thoughts", but would never do it, and they move on to another subject. Recently I've become more acutely suicidal, but not sure I would tell anyone anyways. I don't really see the point. If you tell a shrink, they treat you differently.

I presume my alcohol intake may have decreased the effectiveness of my SSRI, or fucked with my chemicals and them doing there job properly. Speaking of certain drugs triggering things, man do I get a wicked tinnitus with speed. It’s like crickets from mars taking over! My dad had tinnitus and heard birds chirping all the time. I don’t even stretch and have tense neck and shoulders always. So I get the tinnitus, it’s just another difference between the different recipes.

@BlossomsBlooming thank you for sharing. I am glad you are doing better.

I know the thoughts are illogical. I also feel like suffering is invariably part of the meaning of life. I accept it. Which is why I think I would never actually do it, at least at this point.

 

[paltatomate]

I don't really see the point. If you tell a shrink, they treat you differently.

That's true. When I was asked once by a shrink if I had suicidal thoughts and I said "yes" there was a moment of silence. A look. A thought. And then back to normal but I got a new prescription for another pill that would supposedly make my thoughts less dark.

Weeks after, when I was with another doctor who got me off all the crap I was taking, I began to wonder why that shrink never asked for the quality of the suicidal thoughts. Or anything else related to it.

The thing is, I do have thoughts about suicide every once in a while. But they are more philosophical thoughts. The idea of taking one's life for me is like an affirmation that I am in control even over something that's considered random/destiny/unforeseeable or even the will of a higher power. It doesn't mean I'm going to do it.

I get that too sometimes. It's weird. A very matter-of-fact thought, with zero emotion or context behind it. Just "You should kill yourself.", usually repeated for awhile. No other thought or meaning behind it.

You said it is like an inner dialogue, and even put words in quotes. So I assume it's actual language that's "thinking" it?

I ask because I, who doesn't think in language, was told to do it whenever I want to slow down or limit my (impression based/conceptual) thoughts. And language does slow down one's thinking, and could thus act as a barrier between the impulsive thought and the acting on that thought.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Some people don't have an inner dialogue, which I was surprised to find out.