CalmG
Bluelighter
I don't know if this is the right forum for it, couldn't see any others though where it would fit though?
I think the answer by the way is probably just 'see a therapist' so might save you time not to read it haha!
OK so bit of background about me. In high school was really well liked, got on with everyone. At 17 discovered I was gay, growing up in a homophobic area + having smoked alot of weed at the time I got to a place where I was scared people would find out I was gay, so obsessed about how I would walk, how I would talk incase I was talking in a gay way or not. Lost all my spark and life, went abit mental, fell out with all my friends, became massively depressed ect. It kind of left me though with an underlying insecurity that I might be crazy. It manifests itself slightly if someone calls me weird or something I used to get really defensive.
Age 23 after along time where I haven't really smoked weed am mostly recovered. Was back at a stage where I got my mojo back. Was real popular and happy, had loads of love interests on the go! :D
I fall out with a friend at work, I tell him he is intense, he replies ''yeah well loads of people think that about you!' so bang hits me right at my biggest age old insecurity. Then later I say to him ''I'm worried everyone thinks I might be crazy!'' he replies ''yeah well it's just something you need to be aware off' which makes it 20 times worse.
I begin obsessing about it so much that I literally get to a point where i can no longer communicate with other people, words just won't enter my brain. I become really crap at my job and become really anxious everywhere. When I talk to people at parties although it's just a normal conversation the only thing I keep thinking at the back of my mind is ''they're only talking to me because they think I'm crazy''. I obsess about it so much I literally pound myself into the ground and loose all my confidence and feel uncomfortable around everyone.
Before this I am a total ****ing chatter box who gets on with anyone and it all goes. Like my personality completely dies.
I end up having to leave my job.
This is what happens if you take too many drugs during difficult periods of your life you devlop complexes.
I am massively self-obsessed, comes from smoking too much weed whilst discovereing I was gay, wasn't like that before.
Now I am waiting for myself to get back to normal but it's taking ages, seem to have lost my spark and sense of humour. If I have a conversation with someone now I automatically assume they dislike me and can't talk to anyone properly.
Any advice on how to get over it? I mean it must all still be in there but I have two main problems 1) I obsess about what I've just said like I used to when 17 2) I think too much about what I'm saying. Before I used to just say or do whatever I felt like doing and saying. It's making me really really miserable. Thanks! :D
I think the answer by the way is probably just 'see a therapist' so might save you time not to read it haha!
OK so bit of background about me. In high school was really well liked, got on with everyone. At 17 discovered I was gay, growing up in a homophobic area + having smoked alot of weed at the time I got to a place where I was scared people would find out I was gay, so obsessed about how I would walk, how I would talk incase I was talking in a gay way or not. Lost all my spark and life, went abit mental, fell out with all my friends, became massively depressed ect. It kind of left me though with an underlying insecurity that I might be crazy. It manifests itself slightly if someone calls me weird or something I used to get really defensive.
Age 23 after along time where I haven't really smoked weed am mostly recovered. Was back at a stage where I got my mojo back. Was real popular and happy, had loads of love interests on the go! :D
I fall out with a friend at work, I tell him he is intense, he replies ''yeah well loads of people think that about you!' so bang hits me right at my biggest age old insecurity. Then later I say to him ''I'm worried everyone thinks I might be crazy!'' he replies ''yeah well it's just something you need to be aware off' which makes it 20 times worse.
I begin obsessing about it so much that I literally get to a point where i can no longer communicate with other people, words just won't enter my brain. I become really crap at my job and become really anxious everywhere. When I talk to people at parties although it's just a normal conversation the only thing I keep thinking at the back of my mind is ''they're only talking to me because they think I'm crazy''. I obsess about it so much I literally pound myself into the ground and loose all my confidence and feel uncomfortable around everyone.
Before this I am a total ****ing chatter box who gets on with anyone and it all goes. Like my personality completely dies.
I end up having to leave my job.
This is what happens if you take too many drugs during difficult periods of your life you devlop complexes.
I am massively self-obsessed, comes from smoking too much weed whilst discovereing I was gay, wasn't like that before.
Now I am waiting for myself to get back to normal but it's taking ages, seem to have lost my spark and sense of humour. If I have a conversation with someone now I automatically assume they dislike me and can't talk to anyone properly.
Any advice on how to get over it? I mean it must all still be in there but I have two main problems 1) I obsess about what I've just said like I used to when 17 2) I think too much about what I'm saying. Before I used to just say or do whatever I felt like doing and saying. It's making me really really miserable. Thanks! :D
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People's heads are NOT filled with thoughts about you all the time...