Has meth changed you personally?

[llbadgerll]

Ok so i just want to say that i dont do meth NEARLY as much as i do, i have been through the moments of regrets and wanting to quit but still dream of doing it and am caught up in the mix like everyone else i have some crazy ass stories that i felt have taught me alot and give me reason to never go back but those exact reasons also get me to go back just because of the ADVENTURE alone whether life ruining bad or extremely satisfied times. And i think that i appreciate remembering those lessons and feel like in a twisted way that alot of my life is meant in those times just because it might help me realize who i really am. i know i doesnt make much sense and sound psychotic but that isnt the point to this post at all.

Now that i have given you a brief description on why i do the drug and what i think about it (which i am not proud of). I have to ask if any of you remember seeing somebody on that drug before you ever tried it. Yes i am going there......When you saw someone completely fucked up and doin weird shit with there hands, the way they talk, and all the other shit thats weird that u cant quite put your finger on. Do you guys ever remember thinking to yourself that you wouldnt get like that because idk....your jesus! not really.... but you just feel your more aware and know better or something....well i remember thinking like that!

Ok so basically i feel i may have faded into that weird spot. i hear it alot and its not a bad thing the way most people put it. they actually say sometimes that i make weird seem normal, BUT others.......well they get a little paranoid thinking i cant handle it or may even get us all in either hell or prison. Like i said i am aware and always tell them, "I know man, its just my personality. trust me last thing i want to happen is some crazy ass drama." And i meen it and have honestly never gotten anybody caught and actually was always the safest out of everyone. which is where i get even more confused.....

Okay so like i said im weird to some people and normal kinda to others. and i understand why they think that everytime but dont know why exactly. I think i may act different in different crowds naturally. it all depends on who i am with and can naturally act appropriate in certain situations. but sometimes its a little to different for me. when i am in front of my family i can be normal as ever. some friends i act crazy and dont hold back. in public i make sure to be normal and it works out fine. mostly because my friends dont change like i do in situations. they are the SAME EVERYWHERE EVERYTIME. like im serious... either they're are retarted or arent. even before drugs!

I dont know what to think of myself because what i think is wrong is i am slowly slipping into the mental fucked up change that i noticed occured slowly after my meth habbit, and only people who arent used to me notice it. know what im sayin? does that make sense? a little bit of people think i may be a little weird say some of my friends but its not what i would call an honest answer i think. now im afraid to even talk to people i havent seen in awhile becuase im not sure if i really have gotten weird or not and dont want to have to be afraid of how or who i am.

Come on, none of us really know how we act naturally when we are ourselves, because we simply dont hang out with ourselves and see us the way others do. Its Impossible! really!

So this is the end. not much and im sure i could think of more ways to put it, but i would rather just end it here and eat a sandwhich... So my final question regarding all this is. Do you any of you feel like you've "changed" mentally since starting a drug? And are you guys as confused as i am?

 

[shreddedlettuce]

I'm going to move this to TDS.
It isn't OD material and you might get a more solid answer/suggestion or tips in The Dark Side forum.

OD---->TDS

 

[sickofthisshiz]

Okay l am weird...which could also be considered quirky. Tweeker weird is a whole different story. Although l was never really into meth, l have had friends who were heavy users...and yes it stands out like a sore thumb to normal people...or l guess l should say sober people cause who knows what normal is anyway lol. I feel your pain at being an addict, l am still struggling to quit opiates, but meth fries your brain...and yes l have seen it personally. I call meth dirtbag shit...cause that is what most tweekers are, not to offend anybody! But ya don't want to turn into that so lay off that crap...good luck!

 

[llbadgerll]

I know exactly what u mean by dirtbag shit. people have robbed me blind, but i neever stole from anyone just for that specific reason that i refused to be like them. novody ever did notice or thank for me for all the money i ever gave to them. like litteraly over 500 in a month. and thats from the kindness of my heart! not people jackin me...

 

[DrugOmen]

hey man i am not into meth but i know what you are saying. honestly meth can mess you up bad but you seem like you are not dirtbag shit and seem pretty normal or just the right amount of weird. I hope this helps some. And yes i have changed since doing drugs in general but i dont think it has been in a bad way except the dependence i have on opiates and benzos.

 

[iliketoast]

Im sure ive changed, from meth yes, but any drug used repeatedly has certainly affected me..

My short term memory has been crap since the day I was born. Now after meth I have more moments of having words/ideas on the "tip of my brain" but the fog is much thicker.

Ive personally experienced tweakers' lack of morality. (never live in the same apt building! Never think you can be true friends!!!) Had clothes jacked from my laundry, my storage broken into, my neighbor's storage broken into, door banged on, written on.... More im sure....

Id like to say I would never reach that level, but I know I have broken rules against myself in direct consequence of this shit. And once you dont respect yourself, other people are absolutely nothing.

The only positive effect I can interpret as such is that I am more accepting of my weird quirks and care a little less about what other people think of me. But that could've been gained from life experience, and I hesitate to give tina any credit for something positive....

I think as long as you stay in touch with your true self and don't allow exceptions and "just this once" scenarios to pile up, you'll be ok.

Not that speed is good fun and harmless and shit......but you know that. I do think you do well by pondering this sort of thing. Be careful, keep thinking, and don't let anyone or anything get in the way of who you ultimately want to be in this existence.