Has anyone here been professionally treated for sex addiction? (NOT 12 step/abstinence)

[Atomic_Decay]

What did the treatment involve? Was it effective? Were you a poly addict with substance issues as well? Did you deal with all your addictions at once or one by one?

My addiction not causing too many problems except that I would prefer to be in a monogamous loving relationship and it makes that impossible.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Hey. Do you think your thread would get some comments and exposure if I moved it to our sex, love and relationships forum?

I'll move it if you want me to.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

Hey. Do you think your thread would get some comments and exposure if I moved it to our sex, love and relationships forum?

I'll move it if you want me to.

Yes please. Thank you.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Yes please. Thank you.

Doing now.

 

[arrall]

What did the treatment involve? Was it effective? Were you a poly addict with substance issues as well? Did you deal with all your addictions at once or one by one?

My addiction not causing too many problems except that I would prefer to be in a monogamous loving relationship and it makes that impossible.

You aren't going to be able to stay clean from an addiction until you tackle the root issues behind it. Which can, unfortunately, be a lot of work.

You likely already may know what said issues are. If not, you should spend some time thinking, clearing your mind, and attempting to figure it out. It usually traces back to trauma of some sort, but it is different for everyone. Once you start treating that, the pieces will start to fall into place and you can concurrently work on treating your addiction.

The other important piece in treating an addiction is to replace it with something. What will you replace all of that time that was dedicated to your sex addiction with? Based on your post, it seems like the replacement will ideally be a monogamous relationship. So you already have that piece figured out.

 

[Atomic_Decay]

In the last couple of days (well not tonight, of course) I’ve actually started talking to a few ladies online with a view to finding a monogamous relationship.

The last time I was in one was three years ago and it lasted five years with nary an urge to get high and fuck my way through a brothel roster - twice.

I can’t pin down exactly what the root cause is. I’ve always enjoyed sex but certainly was not obsessed by it. Something changed with the end of my last relationship - which happened a month before we were supposed to get married.

 

[arrall]

I can’t pin down exactly what the root cause is.

which happened a month before we were supposed to get married.

I'm obviously not familiar with what happened, but it seems like that might hold the answers. A 5-year-relationship ending a month before you were supposed to get married is pretty big and generally not something that is easy to deal with in the aftermath.

Sex addiction comes from a place of needing to feel wanted for most people. The dopamine and oxytocin release obviously plays a role too. Do you think that this is true for you, or do you think that there is a different mechanism to your addiction?

 

[Atomic_Decay]

I'm obviously not familiar with what happened, but it seems like that might hold the answers. A 5-year-relationship ending a month before you were supposed to get married is pretty big and generally not something that is easy to deal with in the aftermath.

Sex addiction comes from a place of needing to feel wanted for most people. The dopamine and oxytocin release obviously plays a role too. Do you think that this is true for you, or do you think that there is a different mechanism to your addiction?

Needing to be wanted is a part of it most definitely. However, even at my most deranged I don’t really believe all my hooker buddies really want me - except in relative terms compared to who else might be in their room if if wasn’t casual and always very undemanding me.

I suspect it might have something to do with being genuinely appreciated for all the right reasons - for being kind, for being generous, sympathetic, gentle and a whole bunch of other things I really deeply want to be.

I always thought I was all those things to my romantic partners in the last decade or so at least. In the case of my fiance I was the best version of myself that I have ever been - I genuinely liked myself and thought I was finally my genuine and surprisingly admirable self.

Yet, when push came to shove over something relatively small in the grand scheme of things she told me I was too flawed and not the man I’d pretended to be for half a decade with her.

I find an infinitely larger degree of authenticity together with my hooker friends than ever existed with my fiance. Because they are so flawed yet prepared to really reveal themselves to me at the same time i just want to be my unfiltered and authentic self there is a real connection that we both value.

Although I joke a lot about my debauchery cum depravity with these friends for every hour of actual fucking there’s usually 5 or more of us both quietly taking refuge from the world with each other in very gentle ways.

Reading all that, I’m not sure sex addiction is my real problem actually. Maybe hookers are just my kind of people. Like I found my tribe at last

 

[Keeloverandfly]

What is your actual addiction? Addiction is a much abused word, and for sex I don’t think it ought to be used unless your sexuality is preventing you from realizing your full potential, or it has a net negative impact on your life, or it physically and/or emotionally hurts others. I don’t see how your sexuality was a problem in your last relationship, if as you say you had no urges to see other women. It sounds like the relationship ended for other reasons.

In any case there is no one way to do relationships. One can find sexual and emotional satisfaction alone, with a monogamous partner, in an open relationship (I know many sex hungry individuals who choose this option, works great for them), through one night stands, or in plenty of other ways, including with sex workers. If the latter works for you, where is the problem? Heck, maybe you will end up in a relationship with a sex worker!

 

[yubacity]

I love sex think about it all the time cheat on my wife never used to have any guilt she is the one I love the women i cheated with meant nothing. Out of all my mates, only one never cheats i don't think we meant to have just one sex partner for life we are built to spread our seed its nature.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I love sex think about it all the time cheat on my wife never used to have any guilt she is the one I love the women i cheated with meant nothing. Out of all my mates, only one never cheats i don't think we meant to have just one sex partner for life we are built to spread our seed its nature.

Do any of the women you cheated with have children with you as their father? That is what spreading seed means?

I have never cheated, but I have always been in open relationships and that is just how it is.

 

[yubacity]

Do any of the women you cheated with have children with you as their father? That is what spreading seed means?

I have never cheated, but I have always been in open relationships and that is just how it is.

No always used a condom but we not designed for one women .Even the shape of our penis is designed to push out semen of other men .

Open relationships good luck to you mate. But for me someone else pumping my wife no fucking way. I know that makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world but it is what it is

 

[nznity]

What did the treatment involve? Was it effective? Were you a poly addict with substance issues as well? Did you deal with all your addictions at once or one by one?

My addiction not causing too many problems except that I would prefer to be in a monogamous loving relationship and it makes that impossible.

Have u found the root of ur multiple addiction bro? What's causing you pain? U gotta ask yourself that.

 

[nznity]

No always used a condom but we not designed for one women .Even the shape of our penis is designed to push out semen of other men .

Open relationships good luck to you mate. But for me someone else pumping my wife no fucking way. I know that makes me the biggest hypocrite in the world but it is what it is

Well it's simple biology. We are designed to reproduce ourselves as many times as possible to keep our ancestry going.

 

[nznity]

I love sex think about it all the time cheat on my wife never used to have any guilt she is the one I love the women i cheated with meant nothing. Out of all my mates, only one never cheats i don't think we meant to have just one sex partner for life we are built to spread our seed its nature.

U know, Pablo Escobar had 100s of women at his disposition but if one of em got pregnant she had to abort, his prínciple was that he could only have kids with his wife****.

 

[nznity]

Reading all that, I’m not sure sex addiction is my real problem actually. Maybe hookers are just my kind of people. Like I found my tribe at last

Yeah.... you're a whore, mate.
You've got no real problem, it's just the way you are more pegging 4 u!!!!!! U have to b punished , that's how u might cure ur addiction.

 

[yubacity]

Well it's simple biology. We are designed to reproduce ourselves as many times as possible to keep our ancestry going.

Thats what im saying my brother . My wife is a catholic and while we were together since 15 i had to wait 7 years un til we were married. I cheated since high school i know i sound like a dick but i never saw cheating s bad that was just sex she was the one i loved ,Like i said out of all my mates only one dont cheat like you said its biology

 

[yubacity]

U know, Pablo Escobar had 100s of women at his disposition but if one of em got pregnant she had to abort, his prínciple was that he could only have kids with his wife****.

Thats why i always used a condom i only wanted kids with the women i loved my wife but if it did happen and a woman got pregnant i would look after my child

 

[Keeloverandfly]

“Biology” is a poor excuse for anything. We can find excuses for the cruelest of acts through biology, but the truth is we are rational beings living in society and have to do our best not to hurt others. So yes it is hypocritical, cowardly and just mean to cheat on one’s partner without allowing the same of them. There are alternatives: dialog, open relationships, being with someone else who accepts you for who you are…

 

[yubacity]

“Biology” is a poor excuse for anything. We can find excuses for the cruelest of acts through biology, but the truth is we are rational beings living in society and have to do our best not to hurt others. So yes it is hypocritical, cowardly and just mean to cheat on one’s partner without allowing the same of them. There are alternatives: dialog, open relationships, being with someone else who accepts you for who you are…

Hypocritical yes but how is it cowardly I am a cunt for cheating I agree it used to hurt my wife when I would get caught. I then started going to escorts to do my thing be safe use a condom. My wife can go and cheat i don't order her to do anything but I wont stay you can handle an open relationship good but I would not. The sex I used to have with other women was just sex but with the wife it was making love to a woman i been with since 15 been together 31 years.

I don't cheat anymore because I know how wrong it was and as my daughters are getting older I just can't do it anymore so end up paying to just do drugs with the escorts. And cant be bothered hooking up with other women. But am I sorry for cheating no im not that was just sex that meant nothing my wife was who i loved. I don't judge anyone you have an open relationship good for you but you have that because you can't have sex with just one woman same as I could not so the biology thing is true