MrMorpheus
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2018
- Messages
- 1
OK, so I got depression, anxiety, OCD since a kid and family problems. Almost 1.5 years ago, I made a bad decision, I started to take opiates to stop the pain from my life.
So yeah, I started with oxycodone, then I tried morphine, vicodin, then codeine, tramadol, pentazocine, even fentanyl, opana. Never heroin. Never injected any of these drugs.
My principal drug was oxy. but I enjoyed the morphine much more. But I love all opiates,l even 120mg codeine make me feel euphoric, but I have a big tolerance,so...
Anyway, I wouldn't lie, at first, opiates helped me, relived the depression,the anxiety, the stress, I really loved em. But then, you know, the dark side of them, man. The cravings, the boredom when you aren't high, when you wake up in the morning and first thing you do is searching for your pills, the hellish and painful withdrawals who makes you almost suicidal, the emptiness you feel...I was an addict for 6-7 months. The last 2 months I didn't even get doped, I did it only to not feel sick.
I needed to move another country, I didn't knew nobody here ...And got cold turkey from 240 mg oxy...I had the luck to find benzos.. Anxiety and depression got worse.
Now I'm almost sober for 9 months. What almost means? I still popped some tramadol and codeine, max 2-3 times. After a few months after I stopped doing opiates, my father passed out, but I had the power to endure the pain and didn't take any pill.
I started smoking weed, but I stopped. Why? Yeah, everyone enjoys weed, I still smoke at parties or with my homies, but I can't smoke daily, it's making me anxious, paranoid and I start feel dissociated from everything, and sometimes weed makes me very sad. But I still smoke it, low quantity, only at parties and with friends, or rarely when I wanna feel relaxed and sleep well, but I can't use weed to improve my daily life
I don't like alcohol, it makes me feel like shit and I can't even get very drunk, when I drink with my friends, often I'm that guy who is not feeling that fun from alcohol and it's still sober.
Benzos...I never popped more than 3 mg (xanax) , but now I keep it 0.5, and not daily. Yeah, it removes my anxiety, but at the same time it makes me so uninterested in anything, and I don't like it. It dosen't make me happy, it only makes me to care less.
I tried dxm 15-20 times I think, but I stopped bcuz I can't get no more. This is a definetly "yes" for me, it gives me the euphoria and creaivity from opiates (not comparable, really, but...), and it makes me feel dissociated, but I still act sober.
Now, I barley pop a xan 0.5 xanny 3-4 times a week.
The problem is I don't like the "sober life". And sometimes my life is crap. And I can't deal with it anymore. It feels like I'm kind of vampire (lol) and opiates represent the blood. I'm weak, sad, angry without them and sometimes I get intense cravings, where I feel even 100 mg codeine+0.5 xanny=heaven. But I know, If I start to do opiates again, I can't stop.And I'm young, I don't want to spend my life in rehabs, or jails, or to one of these homeless dopeheads who cut or suck other people to stop the withdrawal, or even overdose and die.
I wanna live my life, I wanna get a job, a car, I wanna mary a beautiful girl, have kids, get some dogs, things that normal people wanna do it. Sometimes, I tell myself "man, u don't need to be doped. You will destroy yourself, you will regret that, you will end up on the streets, or in jail, and eventually you will die". But sometimes, another "me" says "Man, you will not be happy without dope. Never. Your life is going down,and the opiates are your healing. Only be careful how much and how often you will do it".
I need a little help and guidance, thank you very much.
So yeah, I started with oxycodone, then I tried morphine, vicodin, then codeine, tramadol, pentazocine, even fentanyl, opana. Never heroin. Never injected any of these drugs.
My principal drug was oxy. but I enjoyed the morphine much more. But I love all opiates,l even 120mg codeine make me feel euphoric, but I have a big tolerance,so...
Anyway, I wouldn't lie, at first, opiates helped me, relived the depression,the anxiety, the stress, I really loved em. But then, you know, the dark side of them, man. The cravings, the boredom when you aren't high, when you wake up in the morning and first thing you do is searching for your pills, the hellish and painful withdrawals who makes you almost suicidal, the emptiness you feel...I was an addict for 6-7 months. The last 2 months I didn't even get doped, I did it only to not feel sick.
I needed to move another country, I didn't knew nobody here ...And got cold turkey from 240 mg oxy...I had the luck to find benzos.. Anxiety and depression got worse.
Now I'm almost sober for 9 months. What almost means? I still popped some tramadol and codeine, max 2-3 times. After a few months after I stopped doing opiates, my father passed out, but I had the power to endure the pain and didn't take any pill.
I started smoking weed, but I stopped. Why? Yeah, everyone enjoys weed, I still smoke at parties or with my homies, but I can't smoke daily, it's making me anxious, paranoid and I start feel dissociated from everything, and sometimes weed makes me very sad. But I still smoke it, low quantity, only at parties and with friends, or rarely when I wanna feel relaxed and sleep well, but I can't use weed to improve my daily life
I don't like alcohol, it makes me feel like shit and I can't even get very drunk, when I drink with my friends, often I'm that guy who is not feeling that fun from alcohol and it's still sober.
Benzos...I never popped more than 3 mg (xanax) , but now I keep it 0.5, and not daily. Yeah, it removes my anxiety, but at the same time it makes me so uninterested in anything, and I don't like it. It dosen't make me happy, it only makes me to care less.
I tried dxm 15-20 times I think, but I stopped bcuz I can't get no more. This is a definetly "yes" for me, it gives me the euphoria and creaivity from opiates (not comparable, really, but...), and it makes me feel dissociated, but I still act sober.
Now, I barley pop a xan 0.5 xanny 3-4 times a week.
The problem is I don't like the "sober life". And sometimes my life is crap. And I can't deal with it anymore. It feels like I'm kind of vampire (lol) and opiates represent the blood. I'm weak, sad, angry without them and sometimes I get intense cravings, where I feel even 100 mg codeine+0.5 xanny=heaven. But I know, If I start to do opiates again, I can't stop.And I'm young, I don't want to spend my life in rehabs, or jails, or to one of these homeless dopeheads who cut or suck other people to stop the withdrawal, or even overdose and die.
I wanna live my life, I wanna get a job, a car, I wanna mary a beautiful girl, have kids, get some dogs, things that normal people wanna do it. Sometimes, I tell myself "man, u don't need to be doped. You will destroy yourself, you will regret that, you will end up on the streets, or in jail, and eventually you will die". But sometimes, another "me" says "Man, you will not be happy without dope. Never. Your life is going down,and the opiates are your healing. Only be careful how much and how often you will do it".
I need a little help and guidance, thank you very much.