A quarter of a century old body, but an eternal mind, I've been given a present: Pandora's box wrapped in glittery paper.
It would have been nice to know what I was getting myself into before happy birthday became suicide.
I don't need anyone else but you. No girl or boy, fan or toy, but happy birthday honesty deprives me of sleep and I'm thinking these last few years were a dream.
I see what you are now and what you want to subsist on, I see why you made me yours, what you expect of me and what you want to expect in return.
You chose me for my unconditional ability, so my trust could be your greatest weapon in the arsenal guarding your secrets.
I may have a doll face, but I cannot be a puppet soldier for the cause of saving your straight face.
I don't need a benzo script cause I don't need to kill my brain or add risks for cancer, I just need myself back, I need to trust me and not trust doubt. I do not need to accept a role to play, a place to stay, or the notion that this is the best I can do for myself. Will I never find the kind of love I give- the all encompassing, soul swelling, self-motivating, positive progressive partnership built on a solid foundation of trust and respect where both lovers actively work to glorify each others lives and goals because each individual truly believes the other is special and the relationship is a thing of holiness and beauty, something sacred and ancient-- and worth dedicating yourself wholely to with the mutual reciprocation of effort. One should push the other naturally, not forcibly or by complaint to be the best lover, fighter, and person they can be.
I guess the best present I can get today is one that I have to give myself: the strength to understand what I must do to preserve myself and my dreams and the self-discipline to make it happen, regardless of the pain I may endure to achieve self-actualization.
Love is a fickle thing between people when one heart is not open, and I know loving yourself first is required to love another, but I'm just wondering if loving myself fully is the most complete love I'll ever get to experience, or if there really are people out there that know what real love is and are willing to take a chance on turning the want into a reality.
It would have been nice to know what I was getting myself into before happy birthday became suicide.
I don't need anyone else but you. No girl or boy, fan or toy, but happy birthday honesty deprives me of sleep and I'm thinking these last few years were a dream.
I see what you are now and what you want to subsist on, I see why you made me yours, what you expect of me and what you want to expect in return.
You chose me for my unconditional ability, so my trust could be your greatest weapon in the arsenal guarding your secrets.
I may have a doll face, but I cannot be a puppet soldier for the cause of saving your straight face.
I don't need a benzo script cause I don't need to kill my brain or add risks for cancer, I just need myself back, I need to trust me and not trust doubt. I do not need to accept a role to play, a place to stay, or the notion that this is the best I can do for myself. Will I never find the kind of love I give- the all encompassing, soul swelling, self-motivating, positive progressive partnership built on a solid foundation of trust and respect where both lovers actively work to glorify each others lives and goals because each individual truly believes the other is special and the relationship is a thing of holiness and beauty, something sacred and ancient-- and worth dedicating yourself wholely to with the mutual reciprocation of effort. One should push the other naturally, not forcibly or by complaint to be the best lover, fighter, and person they can be.
I guess the best present I can get today is one that I have to give myself: the strength to understand what I must do to preserve myself and my dreams and the self-discipline to make it happen, regardless of the pain I may endure to achieve self-actualization.
Love is a fickle thing between people when one heart is not open, and I know loving yourself first is required to love another, but I'm just wondering if loving myself fully is the most complete love I'll ever get to experience, or if there really are people out there that know what real love is and are willing to take a chance on turning the want into a reality.