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Happy Birthday to Me! Gift to Self: IV Heroin & Meth Addiction/Self-Inflicted HELL

velvetacidchrist

velvetacidchrist

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Joined
Apr 9, 2008
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168
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Denver
Happy Birthday to Me! Gift to Self: IV Heroin & Meth Addiction/Self-Inflicted HELL

It was a year and two days ago, I was getting ready to goto a concert at the greatest venue for thousands of miles.
I was getting dressed while taking puffs of the good ol' glass dick. I told my friend I'd be out of my room in a minute so we could get to the concert a little early.
I cooked up a shot of heroin, making sure to be hasty so my friend wouldn't be curious as to what I was doing.
And I thought to myself... "Pathetic.. I promise myself I won't be doing this next year. I'll be clean next birthday"

One in-patient, and two out-patient rehabs later, I'm back in my room again, IV'ng Heroin & Meth in the same shot, except there are no friends waiting for me outside of my room to go anywhere.

I feel I'm pretty mature for my age (newly 19!), and I have a good grasp as to what addiction is and I'm slowly figuring out who I am as a person. I've been addicted to IV heroin for the past 2 years and I recently tacked on a methamphetamine addiction to my resume' in the past 6 months.

Why have I stooped so low? How do I still have a fucking job? I need help, but I do not want to goto rehab again... Sorry guys, just venting. I could really, really use someone to talk to.

much love,<3
D
 
Oh honey that's big, don't be sorry for posting! I don't even know where to start.. how bout a virtual hug and some understanding?

<3
 
Some questions for you velvet -

What family and friends do you have around you?
What support in general do you have thru all this stuff?
Why are you so dead against rehab again? (I'm not necessarily for rehab, just wondering your reasoning for being so against it)
Is your job at risk?
Be honest - do you want to quit more than you want to keep using?
What are your options and also what do you WANT after you're clean?

Aya that's a pretty hefty start...
 
What family and friends do you have around you?
- My family is supportive of me getting help, currently living at home. They know I'm still using, in the past they would've kicked me out, I don't know why they haven't yet...
What support in general do you have thru all this stuff?
- Not a whole lot. Just my family.
Why are you so dead against rehab again? (I'm not necessarily for rehab, just wondering your reasoning for being so against it)
- See next question.
Is your job at risk?
- If I goto rehab again, bye bye Career!
Be honest - do you want to quit more than you want to keep using?
Y.E.S.
What are your options and also what do you WANT after you're clean?
- I need help finding what my options are... I want a clear mind-state and hobbies I can learn and grow in

Thank you for the response, that's amazing for you to be willing to help<3333
 
Sorry to hear that bro..hopefully someday soon you will be ready to get off that stuff. Since getting off heroin my life hasn't been great but it sure beats being a junkie. Good luck
 
Velvet, I too am an adiict, so i know how you feel. I hope to god you and me both can kick this shit, needles are so addicting. I wish you much luck in your future life. out-<3
J- Dub
 
I hope you overcome your addiction, I know that heroin and meth are very addictive drugs and they aren't always easy to handle. I hope one day you do get clean and feel better about everything - try not to get down on yourself too much, hope you had a great Bday!
 
Yep, CH got it right. No one person is exempt from an addiction of any kind.

Theres more of us that use drugs than those that dont lol
 
If you really don't want to go to rehab, you need to go to a detox center and then maybe go to a sober living... or go home and ask your parents to randomly drug test you.

And you need to get a sponsor and start working the steps and getting your ass to meetings. You aren't going to quit using by starting at the wall long enough.
 
Sorry to unbury this thread from the dead, but, I just read this now, almost 3 years later and it brought a tear to my eye. Reading that first post brought me right back those feelings we know SO well, I felt them just reading it (loneliness, anger, etc.). I can happily say I have not felt those feelings, at least not even near as intense as writing this. It took me another 2 years to finally quit the shit. I've been on Suboxone for 9 months now, which is HUGE for me (all previous attempts yielded, Max, 30 days).
I still struggle with Amphetamines (king of psychological addiction) but I've tackled my physical addiction, for now.
I know I'm playing with fire, but as long as I keep moving forward, AND BE 100% HONEST WITH MYSELF (which can be very hard) I'll never have to turn back.

One thing I've learned, no matter how SHITTY life gets and how hopeless things seem, you never know what cards will be dealt next. For the first time in my life I'm self-supportive (pay all my bills, apartment, etc.) in my entire life. I don't live in my car anymore.
I don't feel dead anymore.
I know it's possible to see the other side, but I also know our side will be tugging at me for life.
 
Man, that testimony brings tears to my eyes. I never was that deep into it, and I managed to quit altogether, yet I'm struggling hard at the moment. I was deadset to score some opiates this morning but managed to get through it somehow... You give me hope!
 
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