Ive been off Methadone almost a year now. I know I should be proud of this. After the fifth year, I wasn't sure I would ever make it out. Especially when O would chase my tablets with a Roxy. And them some more Roxy's... And then some more... And although I still use, I can honestly say I'm better. I don't wake up a go to the clinic everyday. I don't do anything everyday... Now, I still constantly crave it, mentally. Opiates. That euphoric, sexy, confident feeling that washes over me when
I release the tourniquet and slide the rig out. Seeing the little drop of blood pool in the bend of the arm.
Anyway.
I'm worried I'll never be as happy as I once was completely, head-over-heels addicted to opiates. Even though I was a worse person then...sneaky, dishonest, totally FUCKED UP in a sad "morals and values" sort of way... I've never been more confident. I had less social anxiety. I was involved at work. I worked 50 to 60 hour work weeks only to be barely scraping by when it came to my finances. I spent all my money on drugs. Have nothing to show for it but this mental "funk" that I've been stuck in for months and months. I just don't understand what's wrong with me. Will I ever want to join the rest of the world again? Did I ever want to in the first place?
I release the tourniquet and slide the rig out. Seeing the little drop of blood pool in the bend of the arm.
Anyway.
I'm worried I'll never be as happy as I once was completely, head-over-heels addicted to opiates. Even though I was a worse person then...sneaky, dishonest, totally FUCKED UP in a sad "morals and values" sort of way... I've never been more confident. I had less social anxiety. I was involved at work. I worked 50 to 60 hour work weeks only to be barely scraping by when it came to my finances. I spent all my money on drugs. Have nothing to show for it but this mental "funk" that I've been stuck in for months and months. I just don't understand what's wrong with me. Will I ever want to join the rest of the world again? Did I ever want to in the first place?