on wednesday, just as i'm chilling with my cat sleeping beside me, my phone rings and its his school....telling me that he'd had an 'accident', bumped his head and had quite an 'egg' and that it should be taken a look at at the hospital....so no hesitation i am up and out of the house....my agrophobia goes to hell when it comes down to the well-fare of my kids.....so i collect him from school, the bump is on the side of his head and not immediately visable but my i could feel it!!....he's in quite good spirits though and whilst he signs himself out i see that he's showing off his 'bump' to a girl on the way back...so we spend an hour or so at the local hospital and they check him over and give me instructions on what to look out for to call 999 for.....none of which occured...but it still makes me go to jelly thinking about his description of the evnt and the fact that his head impact on the wall was so loud that everone close by seemed to crowd around him and a teacher was there immediately...scares the bloody life out of me that something like that can happen so quickly and easily at any time and there is nothing i can do to prevent it....but he is seemingly fine now....he even wanted to go straight back into school the next day ....even though he had the opportunity to have the day off so good on him!!....i just tole him to keep away from walls.
today a book arrived that i'd forgotten i'd purchased...i'm still awaiting 'the subtle art of not giving a fu*K'.....the book that came today (which only cost ?1.89 on ebay hence the purchase) is 'CBT your toolkit to modify mood, overcome obstructions and improve your life'......and yes i know my general take on self-help books being a pile of bollox....but i'd heard the term CBT and DBT ...even the fat fuck therapist asked me if i'd heard about them....i had, i told her...but did not know much about them other than i'd heard they were practiced in conjunction with therapy for BPD....and then she tells me they couldn't help me and go to narcotics annonymous...i tell her to go to weight watchers....blah blah blah....but i DO have THAT psychiatrists appt so go fuck you ......yeah...whatever
...so anyway i have been flicking through the book and i'm not feeling so hard on myself for having not been following through with a daily schedule of Yoga as i'd been telling myself i should be.....i'm allowed to cut myself some slack as to change behaviour and bad habits isn't something that you just wake up and start doing....well i'm sure there are some people who are able to do this....but i am not one of them so i can stop thinking myself a failure and a lost cause for not being able to commit to 'something so basic' as a daily Yoga workout.....i have the thought in place and the will to do it....it's that i have to begin to slowly break out of this self induced daily 'sluggish' existence i've allowed myself to develop over the past couple of years....i am not the type of person to wake up and suddenly change the error of my ways....and i gotta say....even for an anti-self-help book person....i quite like the passages i've been reading in this book.
i just went onto YouTube to show my daughter Day 1 from a yoga workout very helpfully posted on here by someone some time back which i stored on a playlist...and did make a start on...for 2 days....got about mid-way through until it became apparent that i could not do the workout on my sofa...i had intended to try again using floorspace but hadn't gotten round to it....i'm thinking i might give it a try tomorrow....i asked my daughter (who loves dancing and also wants to do the splits) if she fancied giving it a go with me tomorrow morning ...i showed her where i had been up to previously....she seems up for it....i also found an entire playlist for the whole 30 days which i also saved.....i then went onto one of the later days to look at the excersizes there...and this was where my daughter was 'won over' for sure as she piped up 'oh i could be able to do the splits!'........i don't know how long it'll keep her interest...and i'll try hard not to feel too bad if it doesn't develop into a daily routine immediately....infact...i won't expect it to as...come one....i've been doing the same thing for about 2 years now.....getting up...coming downstairs onto my sofa and not doing much else so it could well be a hard habit to break out of so i need to be a bit more realistic about things.
It beggars belief though that this dumb fuck therapist tangles these 'CBT' and 'DBT' in front of me and then yanks them away like she did as she must've already made her mind up at that point so what was the fucking point of bringing them up to not tell me what they were and then to tell me to go to narcotic annonymous....that's kinda like showing a homeless person a plate of food and a bed and then telling them to go out and try and find one for themselves.....the UK and the NHS...no fucking services here......it wouldn't be of any wonder if violent crime was on the increase as there are so many struggling people who re desperate and being turned away....at least i do have a house....albeit a tiny one ...but there's a bed for us all to sleep and food in the fridge and heating.....i was watching something earlier about the benefits system over here and people getting evicted because of this 'Universal Credit' the government is trying to bring in that is seriously flawed and leaving vulnerable people penniless and on the streets.
one thing i did read in this CBT book though ....'physical relaxation does not come naturally to many of us - it is a useful skill to be learnt and developed. Practice makes perfect'.......and that struck a chord
today a book arrived that i'd forgotten i'd purchased...i'm still awaiting 'the subtle art of not giving a fu*K'.....the book that came today (which only cost ?1.89 on ebay hence the purchase) is 'CBT your toolkit to modify mood, overcome obstructions and improve your life'......and yes i know my general take on self-help books being a pile of bollox....but i'd heard the term CBT and DBT ...even the fat fuck therapist asked me if i'd heard about them....i had, i told her...but did not know much about them other than i'd heard they were practiced in conjunction with therapy for BPD....and then she tells me they couldn't help me and go to narcotics annonymous...i tell her to go to weight watchers....blah blah blah....but i DO have THAT psychiatrists appt so go fuck you ......yeah...whatever
...so anyway i have been flicking through the book and i'm not feeling so hard on myself for having not been following through with a daily schedule of Yoga as i'd been telling myself i should be.....i'm allowed to cut myself some slack as to change behaviour and bad habits isn't something that you just wake up and start doing....well i'm sure there are some people who are able to do this....but i am not one of them so i can stop thinking myself a failure and a lost cause for not being able to commit to 'something so basic' as a daily Yoga workout.....i have the thought in place and the will to do it....it's that i have to begin to slowly break out of this self induced daily 'sluggish' existence i've allowed myself to develop over the past couple of years....i am not the type of person to wake up and suddenly change the error of my ways....and i gotta say....even for an anti-self-help book person....i quite like the passages i've been reading in this book.
i just went onto YouTube to show my daughter Day 1 from a yoga workout very helpfully posted on here by someone some time back which i stored on a playlist...and did make a start on...for 2 days....got about mid-way through until it became apparent that i could not do the workout on my sofa...i had intended to try again using floorspace but hadn't gotten round to it....i'm thinking i might give it a try tomorrow....i asked my daughter (who loves dancing and also wants to do the splits) if she fancied giving it a go with me tomorrow morning ...i showed her where i had been up to previously....she seems up for it....i also found an entire playlist for the whole 30 days which i also saved.....i then went onto one of the later days to look at the excersizes there...and this was where my daughter was 'won over' for sure as she piped up 'oh i could be able to do the splits!'........i don't know how long it'll keep her interest...and i'll try hard not to feel too bad if it doesn't develop into a daily routine immediately....infact...i won't expect it to as...come one....i've been doing the same thing for about 2 years now.....getting up...coming downstairs onto my sofa and not doing much else so it could well be a hard habit to break out of so i need to be a bit more realistic about things.
It beggars belief though that this dumb fuck therapist tangles these 'CBT' and 'DBT' in front of me and then yanks them away like she did as she must've already made her mind up at that point so what was the fucking point of bringing them up to not tell me what they were and then to tell me to go to narcotic annonymous....that's kinda like showing a homeless person a plate of food and a bed and then telling them to go out and try and find one for themselves.....the UK and the NHS...no fucking services here......it wouldn't be of any wonder if violent crime was on the increase as there are so many struggling people who re desperate and being turned away....at least i do have a house....albeit a tiny one ...but there's a bed for us all to sleep and food in the fridge and heating.....i was watching something earlier about the benefits system over here and people getting evicted because of this 'Universal Credit' the government is trying to bring in that is seriously flawed and leaving vulnerable people penniless and on the streets.
one thing i did read in this CBT book though ....'physical relaxation does not come naturally to many of us - it is a useful skill to be learnt and developed. Practice makes perfect'.......and that struck a chord
