had a week that was totally B-A-N-A-N-A-S (funny cuz I hardly say bananas like that but I Just wrote a post and did the same thing) and was completely stressing at some points, including tonight, and the thought of using ran through my mind but I kept away from the drugs and the drugs kept away from me. sometimes I worry that if the drugs were INFRONT OF ME, then I'd surly relapse. then again, maybe its good I am truthful like that. its good that I do NOT hang w/ any addicts or people who have drugs on them; I truly feel, and I am honest w/ myself, that if drugs were infront of me, or if someone had the drugs on them and offered, then yes, I'd probably use, whether it be today, tomorrow, or another day. but I have w/ NO ONE w/ drugs and NO ONE doing drugs. so I have that going for me. also, anytime I take my bupe in the AM - come 1-2PM, I feel on top of the world, so NO, I would not use then. its not till like 5/6PM I start to feel a bit more "normal" and would even consider using. but yes, I was stressed out this week and thought about it far too often. I was shocked how often I was thinking of it and the dreams I had about it. but the week is almost over and its time to move on, so fuck drugs, and fuck dope, its time to live my NORMAL, HAPPY, GOOD LIFE! the life that I build since being OFF DRUGS and doing the RIGHT THING!
so, what else!? well, the family has been shit as always. I have NOT talked to my mother because she is "let down" because my sister is a lesbian; that truly bothers me. my sister is still young, 24, and I feel she needs the support. after all, she just cameout w/ it recently and there is no need for my mother not to accept. I wrote a whole different blog on that, so I wont go into detail here.
hmmm.. work has bee OK. I usually hate working w/ my father, which has been my FT gig as of late, doing asbestos removal, asbestos tiles, siding, etc. its all asbestos really and then some pipe covering as well. its a labor job but its in the asbestos field and it pays well; not as good as I was once paid doing software sales but I left that position because the job/company made me miserable and it was part of the reasons why I used so heavily. also, right now i am working w/ my father an doing ALL I CAN! I actually have schooling next week to get my actual license in asbestos; something I never thought I'd get.. although I have tried in the past but ended up not finishing the course because I was a junkie and left early one day to go get dope thinking I could come back the next day no problem; guess what?! I was wrong, so I have to take the course all over again, oh well.. my fault! no wait, drugs fault, actually.
OK, OK.. whats next!? well, my girl is coming back in 2 weeks and we will be spending 3 weeks together for Christmas. she is just coming to "visit" for Christmas and will be staying w/ me the entire time; I actually am very excited; I havent seen her in close to a month since she is living at school in CA right now and I am living in MA right now; its not easy but she is well worth the wait, so its cool by me. some people ask how I do it but I dont consider it a challenge; again, shes well worth the wait. if anything, its only hard because I truly miss her at times and wish she could be here at the snap of a finger but shit happens, and its better than being in a shit relationship that makes you miserable, so ill take what i have. I just cant wait till she moves here and is here, living together, 24/7. that will be FUNNNNNNNNNNNN and happens come this summer.
I know, youre sick of reading this, thats even if you are reading, so ill stop here. I have work tomorrow and have to be there at 8AM; its 11:17PM and would like to be sleeping by 12:30. its funny because I used to NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT ALL when I was working a job I truly hated (software sales) and living a life I wanted to die (dope fiend/by myself/miserable/no license/hated life). nowadays I can easily fall asleep (well, I still take a sleeping pill) and feel good upon waking up. I do NOT dread the day and actually go to work and I am happy w/ what I do. believe it or not, I make LESS MONEY than I did before but w/o using drugs the job is fun and I actually enjoy the day. do I enjoy the job!? eh, not so much. but I enjoy MY LIFE and the day itself, and my girlfriend and everything else happening in my life. so fuck everyone else, because I am happy and will continue to be happy!
alright, now I am actually DONE! DONE, DONE, DONE! I am DON-ZO! right now.. I am D-O-N-E! and that spells what!?
it.
spells.
DONE!
I.
AM.
DONE.
BostonBrownTown! (may have to change my name; I dont do dope and its all white around here anyway).
so, what else!? well, the family has been shit as always. I have NOT talked to my mother because she is "let down" because my sister is a lesbian; that truly bothers me. my sister is still young, 24, and I feel she needs the support. after all, she just cameout w/ it recently and there is no need for my mother not to accept. I wrote a whole different blog on that, so I wont go into detail here.
hmmm.. work has bee OK. I usually hate working w/ my father, which has been my FT gig as of late, doing asbestos removal, asbestos tiles, siding, etc. its all asbestos really and then some pipe covering as well. its a labor job but its in the asbestos field and it pays well; not as good as I was once paid doing software sales but I left that position because the job/company made me miserable and it was part of the reasons why I used so heavily. also, right now i am working w/ my father an doing ALL I CAN! I actually have schooling next week to get my actual license in asbestos; something I never thought I'd get.. although I have tried in the past but ended up not finishing the course because I was a junkie and left early one day to go get dope thinking I could come back the next day no problem; guess what?! I was wrong, so I have to take the course all over again, oh well.. my fault! no wait, drugs fault, actually.
OK, OK.. whats next!? well, my girl is coming back in 2 weeks and we will be spending 3 weeks together for Christmas. she is just coming to "visit" for Christmas and will be staying w/ me the entire time; I actually am very excited; I havent seen her in close to a month since she is living at school in CA right now and I am living in MA right now; its not easy but she is well worth the wait, so its cool by me. some people ask how I do it but I dont consider it a challenge; again, shes well worth the wait. if anything, its only hard because I truly miss her at times and wish she could be here at the snap of a finger but shit happens, and its better than being in a shit relationship that makes you miserable, so ill take what i have. I just cant wait till she moves here and is here, living together, 24/7. that will be FUNNNNNNNNNNNN and happens come this summer.
I know, youre sick of reading this, thats even if you are reading, so ill stop here. I have work tomorrow and have to be there at 8AM; its 11:17PM and would like to be sleeping by 12:30. its funny because I used to NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP AT ALL when I was working a job I truly hated (software sales) and living a life I wanted to die (dope fiend/by myself/miserable/no license/hated life). nowadays I can easily fall asleep (well, I still take a sleeping pill) and feel good upon waking up. I do NOT dread the day and actually go to work and I am happy w/ what I do. believe it or not, I make LESS MONEY than I did before but w/o using drugs the job is fun and I actually enjoy the day. do I enjoy the job!? eh, not so much. but I enjoy MY LIFE and the day itself, and my girlfriend and everything else happening in my life. so fuck everyone else, because I am happy and will continue to be happy!
alright, now I am actually DONE! DONE, DONE, DONE! I am DON-ZO! right now.. I am D-O-N-E! and that spells what!?
it.
spells.
DONE!
I.
AM.
DONE.
BostonBrownTown! (may have to change my name; I dont do dope and its all white around here anyway).