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had about enough

R

ronthedon

Bluelighter
Joined
May 24, 2010
Messages
77
Location
Delaware
Im addicted to oxys, my girlfriend of over a year just told me she wants an open relationship cuz shes tired of me trying to control who she sees and talks to. I feel like such a piece of shit these days and im really starten to wonder if a grade A bundle of dope to the arm and a few xani-bars wouldnt be a nice easy solution to a lifetime of depression and insecurities. i cnt control my emotions and i go from unbelievably happy and content to crazy anxious and just down right suicidal. i cnt control my actions and recently grabed my girl around the neck for like 2 seconds before i realized wat i was doin. I would of never ever ever in a million years thought i would touch a girl violently and now look at me. I just dnt know where my lifes going. I work 40 hours a week at a sea food market and am taking a semester off of college. Every day i wonder why i even get up. I dnt talk to any of my old friends(they constantly call me) because i dnt want that partying lifestyle and thats all anyone my age is about these days. Another reason why my girl prob hates me. we used to party all the time and now i never want to drink or go out to a party cuz ive been arrested to much and simply am tired of doin the dumbest and most fucked up shit drunk. I just really dont know wat to do to make my life better. Ive been to rehab and seen a few therapists and what not and was even prescribed snri's but none of it ever seamed to work. sorry for rambling im just lost in the world and people on BL are pretty good at giving advice
 
Have you ever considered therapy?
It might be a good idea......

Hurting your gf in a physical way, a mental way, will not strengthen or make for a healthy relationship.......
Drugs really won't benefit the situation either <3
I think this is something you need to work out within yourself.
Sounds like you might be a little angry- getting to the root of that will probably help you to move past it........
I hope things work out for you and your gf.

If you are seriously considering hurting yourself, please seek medical attn ASAP.
 
snri's don't work for everyone, a true psychiatrist will keep searching for the right 'cocktail'. good luck, maybe get prescribed oxy or at least subutex.

I imagine if you're addicted you must be paying for them at this point. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you're paying for them you should try and figure out how much of your life that has cost so far. I mean things you couldn't pay for or missed opportunities.

It sounds like you're really hurting man, I'd say psychiatrist over a psychologist at this point because it sounds like you need something (at least for the time being).
 
im only 20 so yea i pay for them....at least 150$ a week but thats down from 400$ which was before i went to rehab.....im just not who i used to be and it seams that person i was is long long gone and this new me just isnt gonna make it
 
People change, thats normal. Just because you don't like what you see doesn't mean you're not gonna make it.

PM me if you need any more specific advice. I'd really go to a psychiatrist if I were you and be completely honest.
 
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