Relapse Had About 6 Months Clean/Sober; Now Starting Over

[Lovecraft]

Here I go again. I honestly don't know what happened. I was in Recovery and damn glad about it. I wasn't sleeping well a couple nights. Lack of sleep is a major trigger for me. Ended up at my in-laws who due to a couple of their recent surgeries, basically have leftover opioids in every medicine cabinet. Why does it seem so easy to get my hands on stuff when I'm clean?

Long story short, I just ate a handful of Oxys and pocketed a bunch more before I had time to think and whoosh, there goes 6 Months down the toilet. That was about two weeks ago and after running out of Oxys after a couple days, then taking Xanax/alcohol to help with that for a few days, now onto cannibas, I'm want to just stop everything and get one day clean/sober. I'm not experiencing any hardcore withdrawals or anything, just some Insomnia (which, ironically started this whole ordeal) so I'm just being a bit of a baby about it. But I want to jump off here and recommit to recovery, before things get worse.

It's such a fvckin process...

 

[bingey]

Well if you are only smoking weed you're half-way there aren't you.

Don't beat yourself up about it, whatever happened happened.

 

[Jabberwocky]

don't feel like cos you lapsed all that recovery is down the drain. its not. the progress was real.

well done for putting a stop to it soon.

insomnia is a massive trigger for me too. i don't feel too bad about taking zopiclone when i need it, my GP and therapist both know that the risks of me leaving insomnia untreated are greater than those of taking a medication as prescribed (and i don't need it often). maybe worth seeng if you can get some so that you don't end up in this risky situation again?

 

[Lovecraft]

don't feel like cos you lapsed all that recovery is down the drain. its not. the progress was real.

well done for putting a stop to it soon.

insomnia is a massive trigger for me too. i don't feel too bad about taking zopiclone when i need it, my GP and therapist both know that the risks of me leaving insomnia untreated are greater than those of taking a medication as prescribed (and i don't need it often). maybe worth seeng if you can get some so that you don't end up in this risky situation again?

I take Xanax as prescribed for sleep as needed and it helps. I usually have no problem falling asleep but will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and won't be able to get back to sleep. However, at some point during the night, it becomes too late and I can't take it because I'll have to get up soon. I then have to deal with it and take some the next night. So I sometimes end up without sleep.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I've been clean two years and I still wouldn't be able to trust myself around any prescription painkiller. No way no how. The physical part of recovery has long been over but damn that psychological part. She hangs on tight like the little bitch she is. I know damn well that if I was in someone's house and saw some oxy in their cabinets that my fingers would be on that bottle before my mind could even conceive of what I was doing. It would be an instant reflex to take some. The mind will fuck you over in recovery lickety split if it can so do NOT feel bad for what you did.

I can't go in other people's houses for just that reason. I smoke ciggies anyway so I have a reason to remain outside. I don't go in pharmacies because they trigger me and there damn sure aren't any pills ( or empty orange plastic bottles ) in my house. I have to be hyper vigilant about not being around any opioids at all. So I feel ya man for wanting those oxy's on impulse. You only had 6 months. I have two years plus and I would still have done it too. Stay strong. This shit is a lifelong battle.

 

[Jabberwocky]

zopiclone is more hypnotic than xanax but does have the same issue of causing you to wake up in the night.

i can take it about 3-4am and its still better than having woken up at that tme and not got back to sleep most of the time.

i actually find dipenhydramine by far the best for keeping me asleep. its not great at getting me to sleep but if i've had a couple of nights of waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, taking that before bed (i.e. not when i wake up in the night) is the best solution.

i had tried it ages ago when my receptors were completely fried and it didn't help, but now my brain is more healthy it does.

 

[Lovecraft]

I've been clean two years and I still wouldn't be able to trust myself around any prescription painkiller. No way no how. The physical part of recovery has long been over but damn that psychological part. She hangs on tight like the little bitch she is. I know damn well that if I was in someone's house and saw some oxy in their cabinets that my fingers would be on that bottle before my mind could even conceive of what I was doing. It would be an instant reflex to take some. The mind will fuck you over in recovery lickety split if it can so do NOT feel bad for what you did.

I can't go in other people's houses for just that reason. I smoke ciggies anyway so I have a reason to remain outside. I don't go in pharmacies because they trigger me and there damn sure aren't any pills ( or empty orange plastic bottles ) in my house. I have to be hyper vigilant about not being around any opioids at all. So I feel ya man for wanting those oxy's on impulse. You only had 6 months. I have two years plus and I would still have done it too. Stay strong. This shit is a lifelong battle.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to; I can't really refuse to go inside my in-laws' place (even though I really wish I didn't have to see them). I can't really say anything to them about being an addict either.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to; I can't really refuse to go inside my in-laws' place (even though I really wish I didn't have to see them). I can't really say anything to them about being an addict either.

You can still go in your in laws house because you have too. I understand that concept. I was speaking more about what I can't do. Just have to be strong and not help yourself to their meds when you go over there. If you do it too much more they might notice anyway. So enjoy the oxy's you nabbed and try and be stronger next time. And I get it about not letting them know you are an addict.

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

Lack of sleep is a major trigger for me

I was clean off everything for 4 or 5 months, using essential oils and herbal bed tea and even horlicks and my sleep was good, I'd fall asleep withen half hour although I'd wake up sometimes at 3am 4am or 5am but I felt refreshed, but then all of a sudden my getting to sleep insomnia came back and I couldn't sleep, back on the sleeping pills I went so I tottaly understand about insomnia being a bitch and the reason people relapse

 

[dragonix]

I was clean off everything for 4 or 5 months, using essential oils and herbal bed tea and even horlicks and my sleep was good, I'd fall asleep withen half hour although I'd wake up sometimes at 3am 4am or 5am but I felt refreshed, but then all of a sudden my getting to sleep insomnia came back and I couldn't sleep, back on the sleeping pills I went so I tottaly understand about insomnia being a bitch and the reason people relapse

Awesome I wanna try essential oils perhaps now that I don't plan on getting vapes when I get paid today I can get some.

Have you tried meditating before bed do you already?

I know of no other sleeping pill alternative that will slow the brain down as good as meditation that is why I say that

Oh goodness me did I just insult meditation by likening it to a sleeping pill?

 

[dabman]

i just went thru a relapse not too long ago. i had a huge benzo addiction for a few years. it had been a coupe years of being clean except for weed. i was given a bottle of a 150 10mg valium took one to get to sleep got up the next morning, took four with my morning coffee, that bottle of 150 was gone by midnight. not a long relapse but enough for me to realize to stay away.

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

Have you tried meditating before bed do you already?

Yeah meditating didn't really do alot, and tried binaural beats 432 hz and 528 hz, which is very interesting but to go from addiction to pills to the bineral beats it didn't help I'd of liked it to but nope it didn't help my insomnia or anything it's meant to I'll try the binaural beats again when I decide to taper

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

i just went thru a relapse not too long ago. i had a huge benzo addiction for a few years. it had been a coupe years of being clean except for weed. i was given a bottle of a 150 10mg valium took one to get to sleep got up the next morning, took four

Yep, sounds like something I'd do, what is it with the claws of benzos, there's a poem on here I wrote on my old profile about my benzo addiction

 

[dabman]

i would like to read your poem.

 

[dabman]

at the peak of my worst i was going thru two 150 count bottles of 10mg pills per day, and some days i would crack a third bottle to get to sleep.

 

[lovemissile66]

I take Xanax as prescribed for sleep as needed and it helps. I usually have no problem falling asleep but will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and won't be able to get back to sleep. However, at some point during the night, it becomes too late and I can't take it because I'll have to get up soon. I then have to deal with it and take some the next night. So I sometimes end up without sleep.

HI! May I ask what dosage of xanax you take for sleep? Because I was initially prescribed .25 and could take 4x a day. They are fast acting but do nothing to help me sleep. So after about six months or so, my dose was raised to .50. Still doesn't keep me asleep.

thanks,k

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

i would like to read your poem

Benzo Poem

Benzos, downers call them what you will,
You tell yourself "go on just one more little pill"
One becomes two then more and more,
And you find yourself on the Internet looking to score,
All you want is a tiny tablet, and you tell yourself "me, no I'm not an addict"
I just my worries to float away instead of facing another anxious day,
But the pills wear off and you're clucking for more,
You're begging the postman to knock on your door,
You can't sleep at night, you toss and turn,
Why won't I ever learn,
Prescriptions or fakes makes no difference to me,
Benzos make me comfortable and happy to be,
But I've been here before with a harder drug habit,
Now I'm sniffling away and dreaming of Xanax,
Not just Xanz any benzo will do,
Its withdrawals I feel it feel worse than the the flu,
But I take a few pills and feel right as rain,
But tomorrow will come and it will start all over again,
I want to escape the thoughts inside my head,
But I don't want to take a lethal pill and end up dead

 

[dabman]

so many points hit home in that poem

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

at the peak of my worst i was going thru two 150 count bottles of 10mg pills per day, and some days i would crack a third bottle to get to

Bloody hell, what pills was they are you sure they was legit and not 90% filler as that is shocking how the hell did you stop taking that much?

 

[dabman]

they where 10mg valium. they where legit in the factory packaging. i had to quit cold turkey. i moved 1000 miles from my supplier and thought i was in good shape until one morning i got up and went frantically searching thru a couple hundred empties " i dont know why but i just had to save the empty bottles" only to find i had two pills left. i have no idea how i survived going cold turkey or surviving taking that many pills for so long. there where many times i didn't think i was going to wake up when i could get to sleep. hell there where days i didn't think i was going to make it to lunch time. it was a good six months before i started to feel a little better . every one i talk to about this says i should be dead.